Turn on the TV or pick up a newspaper on any given day in America and you’ll learn about the crimes that no one saw coming. I’m not talking about the bank heist or drive by shooting that took weeks to plan. Nor am I referring to the complex terrorist plot or an embezzlement scheme that has been in planning for years. Nope, I’m talking about everyday life, mothers, fathers, husbands and wives. You read about the mother who butchered her own children, or the father or husband that comes home from work one day and shoots his entire family. It’s rampant in our society and yet no one ever sees it coming, everyone is always surprised. I don’t buy it. I think people see it coming but feel powerless to do anything or simply choose to turn their heads. Domestic violence is a crime and yet by the very nature of the person who commits these crimes, they can go on committing them until it’s too late. So what can we do? Not much is what I found.
My ex-wife has been living with a man who has beaten her at least three times that I know of. And after they both calm down she has always withdrawn the charges and restraining orders she had filed against him. My 15-year-old daughter resides with them but denies any knowledge of the violence. How long will it be before the worst-case scenario? Statistics show that the average battered woman will keep bringing the batterer back for 18 more beatings or until one of them kills the other. Statistics also show that a domestic abuser is 30% more likely to sexually abuse the victim’s child than the non-abusive live in boyfriends. So again you ask. What can be done?
It is a long and arduous road to getting anywhere in domestic violence cases. You have to understand the personalities of the persons involved. In my research I discovered that women, who allow them to be beaten time and time again, would somehow, always manage to end up with another loser who beats them. And the batterers are master manipulators, using their rage as an excuse and blaming the victim for “making him do it”. It’s a control thing, they’re very good at it, and they seek out women whose personality allows him to control everything. Believe me, when he doesn’t get his way or if he feels his way of life is threatened, the people around him will pay dearly for their betrayal. I read an actual letter that this man had written to my ex-wife during one of their post violence, separations. He told her that since he was a Navajo man, that it was his way of showing his love and how much he cared for her. And went on to ask her in the letter, why would she make him do it? My ex has been with this man for over six years and until recently, has managed to hide from me, the abuse. I spoke with the N. Braddock PD and they were as helpful as they were allowed to be. They said they were “very familiar with Tim Mcbride” but until she lets the charges stand long enough to go to court, there is nothing they can do. In fact, the N. Braddock PD has been called to my ex-wife’s apartment so many times for domestic violence, I suspect they are probably numb to it. My daughter is convinced that I am lying about this guy’s history of abuse. Just in the past year, my 15 year-old daughter has quit speaking to me. When I asked why she was mad she said because I was making up stories about Tim Mcbride. When I showed my daughter a copy of the restraining order her mother had filed on Tim, her mother went ballistic and forcefully removed her from the police station. My ex and her live in boyfriend have told my daughter that the 20 years I spent in the military was time spent away from her and that I chose not to visit her when I could have. They didn’t bother to tell her that sometimes it’s difficult to get back to the states while on assignment. I visited when annual leave, money and military assignment allowed. I also requested that my daughter be allowed to spend holidays and summers with me, but her mother always came up with some excuse why she couldn’t. Although we share joint custody and I have paid child support and provided insurance for 15 years without fail, it’s one thing to share custody on paper but something more for the other parent to actually put the child on a plane. Until I discovered the violence that was happening, my daughter was always happy to see me and spoke to me on the phone whenever I would call. After my ex-wife and her boyfriend aired their dirty laundry to me and then decided to get back together, all communication with my daughter plummeted to nothing.
So I have retained an attorney, and have filed for sole custody. I’ve reported my concerns about my daughters’ mental and physical well being to Child Advocacy and to her school guidance counselor, both of whom ignored me. I am going through all the steps to gain sole custody, meanwhile my ex and her live in boyfriend grow more angry. They are angry because I have discovered what he is and I am exposing him for what he is. It’s only a matter of time before he explodes in a rage again and someone gets hurt or worse. The police department’s hands are tied because no charges have gone to court. His arrest records in N Braddock are not public record because he was not convicted in court. I am a little puzzled that the charges of abuse were allowed to be dropped. Pennsylvania has a rule that states any statement by a victim, uttered under circumstances of post traumatic events are considered to be true and cannot be changed by anyone. Therefore charges could not be dropped in domestic violence. But someone let that slip by and the warrant for his arrest was dropped. Anyway Tim Mcbride does have three convictions in the state of Georgia for assault and battery on his ex-wife. This man has not held a steady job in the six years I’ve known him. When I tried contacting his ex-wife, her father returned my message and said that they wanted nothing to do with Tim Mcbride and they were afraid he was looking for them. So he doesn’t pay child support for his own children and his ex-wife doesn’t peruse it because she fears for their lives. This man is a drifter who preys on weak-minded people. Through investigation, I have discovered that he has also had encounters with law enforcement in Arizona and New Mexico. Although the Police Departments were helpful in providing a familiarity with him, he runs when the heat is on so it’s hard to find any other public records of his violent tendencies. I tried, but cannot get a restraining order, keeping him from being several thousand feet from my daughter. Child protection services will not help unless the child is starving, dirty or until she is hurt. The school guidance counselor at Woodland Hills High School has decided that she cannot provide me with any information because the mother has told her I was not allowed to have it. The Generations Program that Pennsylvania requires all parents to attend prior to mediation of child custody has only served to delay my daughters safety and enrage her mother. I keep records of everything and can only hope that my daughter will survive this and someday come to understand that her father fought for her and pray that she’ll be safe.
So, a crime is waiting to be committed. If this letter gets posted, everyone will be aware of the dangerous potential of this man and maybe a little more educated on how people like this work. They are predators and cowards at the same time. And all one can do is wait for them to take it to highest level. That’s when everyone will ask… Didn’t anyone see this coming?
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