verysad
newbie
Reged: 04/10/07
Posts: 31
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This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Last night he said we would talk totaday, so far no call. I have not called him. How long do I wait? A day, 3 days, a week??? I told him last night that I have scheduled a counseling appoitment and asked him to join me next week. All he said was, can I think about it. At this point I don't think there is someone else. He said this has been building for a long time. His biggest problem with me is that he says I never really gave him the time of day, which is in part true. I stayed in one room and he stayed in the other room because I smoked and he quit in Oct. My snoring was also a huge problem. I checked into the surgery a few years ago and then dropped it thinking it was his problem not mine. He spent many restless nights nudging me and what have you until one of finally went to the couch. Our relationship as a whole was OK. We did many things together, traveled to far away places, ate out regularly, and did weekend activities. Here is my problem....many people have said to make no contact. I feel no contact shows that I do not care. He is a very needy man, in that he requires attention. I feel like the more days that pass the less likely we are to reconnect. Is this true? Any sucess stories
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Curmudgeon
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 2002
Loc: MO Ozarks
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Sometimes no contact can give each of you a needed break from all the drama and the leaver or walk-away spouse very often seeks out the initiator of the NC, in time, because they begion to miss them and also wonder what they're up to and if they've found someone else. They have a real sense of loss. Then they start working on patching up the relationship.
If you run after him that implies that he's fleeing you and emotionally, he might be. Left alone those emotions can turn to loneliness, longing and a desire to return.
Since what you're doing right now doesn't seem to be working, perhaps giving NC a try for awhile would be the best thing to do. Good luck!
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What me worry. I'm retired!
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Avaya
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/09/06
Posts: 9816
Loc: Arkansas
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Have you tried the Breathe Right strips? My husband used them for awhile and they work really well. They irritated his nose though - he has bad allergies, so maybe allergic to the adhesive? and stopped using them. We just sleep with a fan on high (not the ceiling fan, a desktop fan) so that helps drown out noise. Can you try that (when you get back together).
I know that you think you two need to 'talk' to work things out. Men just are not wired that way. The more you push him to 'talk' the more he is liable to withdraw. Men just want things to be OK. He wants you to smile and laugh and adore him. That's not difficult until you let your 'feelings' interfere! LOLLOL Women are just wired THAT way.
Tell him how wonderful he is. Adore him. Flirt with him. I promise you things will change if you will do that. Forget how you 'feel' and just do it. I promise, one day you will look at the situation and you WILL FEEL like you are wanting to 'feel' right now. When you focus on ME, ME, ME, it sure takes a LOT to please you, you know? When you focus on other's you will find yourself fulfilled.
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Eternity is too long to be wrong.
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agui667
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/23/06
Posts: 4495
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Wow Avaya...Very well said indeed!!!
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changes
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/07/07
Posts: 1820
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Quote:
His biggest problem with me is that he says I never really gave him the time of day, which is in part true. I stayed in one room and he stayed in the other room because I smoked and he quit in Oct. My snoring was also a huge problem. I checked into the surgery a few years ago and then dropped it thinking it was his problem not mine. He spent many restless nights nudging me and what have you until one of finally went to the couch. Our relationship as a whole was OK. We did many things together, traveled to far away places, ate out regularly, and did weekend activities.
I've experienced the same type feelings your husband mentions...some of the reasons are different but feeling neglected....know the feeling.
Quote:
Here is my problem....many people have said to make no contact. I feel no contact shows that I do not care. He is a very needy man, in that he requires attention. I feel like the more days that pass the less likely we are to reconnect. Is this true? Any sucess stories
My wife and I were apart 5-6 months....even seeing other people....and yet we got back together and are now dating each other withplans to move back in together in the near future. It can work out. I like what another person suggested about just making the effort to show him attention....be nice....and he is likely to respond. I know myself I was so hurt when she left...but her coming back and giving me needed attention makes nearly all of the bad stuff she did in the past just not matter all that much. So much easier to forgive whem you're happy and content. One hug or holding hands or snuggling on the couch....means more than 1000 "I'm sorry's".
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If I agreed with you then we'd both be wrong.
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