kds2850
recently joined
Reged: 12/28/06
Posts: 9
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Hi everyone, I just wanted to ask a couple of opinions. My stbx is an abuser. He has hit me, pushed me,raped me, and constantly mentally abuses me. My children and I left in January of last year. We are still going through the divorce because he wants custody of the kids. He has a drug and drinking problem which showed up on the custody evaluation. In March of 06 I filed a restraining order on him because he was constantly harassing me, breaking into my apartment, and peeking in my windows. It slowed it a little bit, but not altogether. Meanwhile, I have always tried to get along with him for our childrens' sake and sometimes it goes fine, then he goes into his little rage. He put a restraining order on me because he said I was stalking him, which was not true, I really could care less what he does. Last night I tried to call my kids to say goodnight and he wouldn't let me talk to them as usual, I tried to call back to see if they were done with their bath yet, and he then called the police on me because he said I was harassing him. He constantly downgrades me in front of the kids, he always makes nasty comments to me and now has my kids saying them to me. I try to be so nice to him and get along like normal parents, but it never happens. I really cannot stand him, but I always try to be respectful of him. I don't know what to do. No one seems to want to listen to me and as long as the kids are still in one piece they don't care about their emotional well being. He trys everything to ruin my life so that I will fail and come back to him. Everyone just thinks this is a nasty divorce and it will pass, but it won't, it's been like this for the last 4 years. I need help, what can I do?
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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I am confused. Does he have custody?
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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You need to get your kids into counseling. A counselor would be able to help them through not knowing who to believe or what to say when they're being told two different things by the parents or one parent trying to get them to say bad things to the other parent. A counselor could also make recommendations to the court or testify on behalf of the children to show that there is a problem that needs addressed by the court.
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Char Fox
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kds2850
recently joined
Reged: 12/28/06
Posts: 9
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I have physical custody, but he has tuesday and wednesday overnight and EOW.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Sounds like it's his court ordered time with the kids. And he's exersizing it which is awesome!
If the kids aren't in danger, then there really isn't a lot you can do. My sons ex has physical custody and he gets visitation EVERY weekend and then EOW he gets thursdays too.
She DOES NOT call while it's Dad's time. If there is a problem, Dad will call her.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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When a known abuser who says things to emotionally harm kids and had to have ROs against them and commits B&E has kids in their care. But no, there ARE things that can be done about it, especially if she can get a counselor to make recommendations to the court.
And often, the courts will ORDER that calls can take place, that the other parent must make the children available for such calls.
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Char Fox
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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If he has that much time with the kids, that means all your verbiage about his abuse is exaggeration. Stop lying and maybe you'll do better.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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coffemaker1
recently joined
Reged: 06/03/07
Posts: 2
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With so many things against him, especially the drug and alcohol problem, he should have had supervised visits. You didn't say how old the children are, but when the children are with him, try not to call to check on them. It will be hard, but by calling you are giving him a way to use it against you. Do he call you when you have the children, if not grant him the same courtesy.
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