BlendedFamily
addict
Reged: 10/28/04
Posts: 436
Loc: The "Sunshine" State
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Another Scenario....
BM is generally the individual that takes kids to Dr. appointments for colds etc... BM remarries. BF remarries. BF on a couple of occassions has SM take kids to appointments but not ALL pertinent "info" is relayed to BM. So BM takes it upon herself to find out the "info" and all is good.
SF is available during the days to take kids to the Dr. Kids are sick with sinus infections, asthma, (whatever ailment), dental appointment, etc...
BF is divorced and working. Never takes the kiddies to the Dr.'s... never takes the time off work to go to school for conferences, just doesn't do anything in reference to appointments.
BM tells BF that SF is the one taking the kids to these important appointments and BF "DEMANDS" that it is either BF or BM that takes the kiddies to the Dr.'s when the SF is more than capable of handling the appointments.
BM is the breadwinner of the "BlendedFamily" and receives no CS for BF and custody on paper is 50/50 even tho that is not what is being done 'actually'.
Opinions on whether SF does have the right to take the S-kids to appointments. Not really initital Dr. appointments scheduled with new Dr.'s but to regular Dr.'s?
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-Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was- Margo Kaufman
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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The step-father has whatever "rights" his wife wants him to have....just like step-mothers and their spouses.
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Tweeby
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
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I don't see a problem with it at all. If the Bio-parents are unable to take the child and a step-parent can than he/she should.
Blending a family is difficult enough without having one person ONLY being able to something for certain children.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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I would think that would be up to the parent that has the kids. DH has taken ours to the dr when I was down from my surgery last year and X never had a problem with it. I wouldnt have a problem with it if he had a SO that I could trust with our kids.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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KrazyKat
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/05/07
Posts: 1714
Loc: Somewhere in the Middle
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My DH was SAHF during the day for 5 years by working 2nd shift. He took my DD (his SD) to Dr's appts and whatever else needed to be done during the day so that I didn't have to take unneccessary time off of work. A Dr visit for a common cold/allergy or updated shot doesn't warrant that the Bio-Parent be the one to make the trip with the child if it isn't necessary. The grandparents or Nanny for that matter could take the child. It doesn't make me, the bio-parent, any less of a mother because SF did the task at hand for the child.
When you are married or remarry and there are children involved, both of the parents in the household should be responsible for the children that are in the house. It's called a partnership/marriage. It doesn't matter to the children who does what as long as they are taken care of by having their needs met.
IE: If DD was in our custody during a school day and DD forgot her lunch money at home, should I (as the working mother during the day) take time out of work to get the money to the school for DD when DH is at home and capable? He is only the SF after all. Same thing with SM. If SM is at home and able to take lunch money to school, why shouldn't she?
The point is... Who cares who is doing it as long as the child is taken care of and their basic needs are met.
I know some Bio-Parents don't feel this way. I deal with a BM who is adamant that no one can take care of her child but her and would rather cut her leg off then ask for help from even her own husband where her DS was concerned. SS has no parent/child relationship with SF. SS considers SF as Mom's husband. That is BM's choice.
In our home, SS knows me as SM who does and will do things that are necessary for him when needed. My DH & I share responsibility and divide the tasks accordingly. We have a partnership.
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If you have a problem, build a bridge and get over it!
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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My kids SM has taken the kids to dr appointments on more than one occasion. I always call BF to let him know about any appointments and there have been times that SM has offered to take them because her work schedule was more flexible than mine. No big deal.
In your scenerio I would tell BF to be there in time to take the kids if that's what he wants to do otherwise SF will be taking them because it's convienient for you.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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joym525
old hand
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 756
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[quote] In your scenerio I would tell BF to be there in time to take the kids if that's what he wants to do otherwise SF will be taking them because it's convienient for you. [/quote]
This is a good idea...put the ball in BFs court. If he is not at your home at a certain time to take kids to the doctor, then SF can take the kid.
However, if it is your court ordered time, I would let SF take child to the doctor.
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BlendedFamily
addict
Reged: 10/28/04
Posts: 436
Loc: The "Sunshine" State
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I do place it in BF's court...always has some type of excuse.
Better yet.. if DS is sick.. he waits until our PU on Mon. and sends him back to us sicker than a dog and needing to go to the Dr. Then biotches that I should be the one to take him to the Dr. I swear.. it seems as if there is a "hidden agenda" and Ex wants me to lose my job.
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-Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was- Margo Kaufman
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jil_stevens
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/31/06
Posts: 3893
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Sometimes it is just a convenience thing...I have picked SS up from school sick, because his parents were both at work and I had the day off. Why should one of them take off work when I am already home? I have taken SS to the dentist because his mom was at work and dad, who had planned on it, had the flu. If mom had a problem with it, she is welcome to take off work and do it, but to me that is just a control issue. She knows I am doing it because I am available to do it, not because I am trying to take over. In fact, she is relieved when I can do something that lets her stay at work.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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Then let his complaints fall on deaf ears. SF has the rights that you as his wife give him. If BF cared that much then he'd ditch the excuses and be there. It's the same thing when a BM complains about these things. Either put up or shut up. (that's directed at him, not you)
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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