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brielle41
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Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 10
Dont know where to start
      #246959 - 06/07/07 06:22 PM

I am in a precarious situation. We have been married over 30 years and the marriage has not been good for a long time. We have two kids.. a 25 year old in law school.. basically on his own... paying for school with his own loans and grants and a 16 year old hs sophmore daughter. Our financial situation is awful, we live barely from paycheck to paycheck.. and a few months ago, I broke my arm which is not healing well and had to give up some pt teaching positions because of my physical limitations.. thereby losing a large chunk of income. In addition, these limitations make me depend on him for some of my transportation... life between us is strained to say the least.

at one time i believed that it was in the family best interests for us to try to maintain the family life until my daughter went to college..we are still living in same residence, seperate rooms.. and to a degree seperate lives.. i am not so sure that is the best anymore for anyone.. there is so much tension between us...

BUT i do not think we can afford sep residences... i have thought about an official seperation while still living in same home.. or even divorce this way... something that will allow me to feel like i am free from the stress as well as the nastiness....if i were legally free.. i would not feel i have to take the behaviour i get on a daily basis..

any advise or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

thank you


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focusedon2
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Reged: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
Re: Dont know where to start [Re: brielle41]
      #247113 - 06/08/07 05:50 AM

Quote:

omething that will allow me to feel like i am free from the stress as well as the nastiness....if i were legally free.. i would not feel i have to take the behaviour i get on a daily basis..





It's just a "feeling". In reality, nothing will change. There is nothing that requires you to put up with his nastiness now - at least nothing that will miraculously disappear when you get a divorce as long as you are still living together.

What you need to focus is on is your finances. That is where the stress is coming from because it's your poor financial situation that requires you to put up with his nastiness.

I think people who know they are headed for a divorce are at an advantage over people who are surprised by divorce. You have an opportunity to get your finances in order. Clear up your debt. Get a 2nd job.

The only caveat would be if your spouse is completely untrustworthy (stealing) or completely irresponsible (driving up your debt). Then get out now.


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Renee
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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
Loc: The Palmetto State
Re: Dont know where to start [Re: focusedon2]
      #248012 - 06/10/07 11:38 AM

Ditto to what focused said. Getting legally separated but still living under the same roof is just a piece of paper. It will do nothing to alleviate the tension; it may even escalate it. Consider that right now you are both possibly doing things positive for each other because you are married. If a legal separation is put into place the incentive to be somewhat agreeable can go out the window.

I would have to suggest that the two of you try counseling before looking at divorce. Its more than possible he is not adjusting well to the loss of your income and an increased reliance on him by you due to the injury. With the history you've got between you, going to counseling first can't hurt. If it doesn't work, then you at least will have a clearer understanding of him and know for sure that divorce is the only option.

Starting down the road to dissolving the marriage, without exploring other options first, especially when you have no income and health issues, is not usually a wise move. See if you can fix it first before opening that whole other can of worms.


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brielle41
recently joined


Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 10
Re: Dont know where to start [Re: Renee]
      #249574 - 06/13/07 09:18 PM

well, first counseling not an issue. when there was still a chance at saving this, he refused... now forget it... second, i had hoped that if there was some legal thing we would have a , for lack of better words, outline for living in this situation. third, i would even consider, divorce and still sharing living expenses and parenting....but yet have my freedom to come and go as i please... maybe even some forced mediation that would make him try to deal on a civil basis.. he is not physically abusive but he knows how to push my buttons and make my life hell

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