unique
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/05
Posts: 7
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how could someone be with a person 20 years and be trying to work things threating to kill if you dont come back home to them stalking you just all kinds of crazy things and then go off and get married to someone else is this love or what.
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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I was married 17 years...and ex was devastated when I ended it. He moped and stalked to a degree...and then all of a sudden met and married someone. I truly think it's a personality disorder....that some individuals are incapable of being content with themselves. I've seen it in others...one of ex's friends, in particular. He could NOT be without a girlfriend and would dive into a relationship so fast after ending another one...he wouldn't really know this person all that well. It's their insecurity and having to show the world that they are OK...also, I think they sometimes want people to think the divorce was their idea, so they want to be established with another relationship as soon as possible to give themselves support and show the image of a person who has moved on and is not suffering emotionally.
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KiwiGirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/09/05
Posts: 6271
Loc: Plains State
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Well I would call it 'revenge'.
Some people just can't adjust their life or make changes. They think things worek well for them so why change? They fail to see how miserable everyone else around them are.
And once they are shut out for good they STILL cannot see that they cannot control the situation. They have to have control. It isn't about love. They say they love you because A) It makes you feel special B) You do what they want you to do.
When someone like this says they love you it is more about them than you. It goes sorta like this ... I (font 72) love you (font 8). All about how they feel. All about how they want to control you.
So he go out and marries someone else. Well, he needs to show you that he no longer loves you. Someone else loves him now so, na na na, you lose. He will not be rejected by you again because he is MARRIED. And you aren't. He saw you held being married as a precious thing so instead of you being married, HE is. You are alone and miserable because he knows how much you loved being in a marriage.
OK, whether or not this is actually true is debatable. But I suspect this is the way he sees it. The other woman he married will find out in due course how disordered he is. He thinks he has gazzumped you in the worst possible way. He is trying to hurt you. And the only way you can gazzump him back is to wish him well in his new marriage and hope he is extrremely happy, with a smile and sincerity plastrered all over your face. Because I suspect he wants you to fall to your knees and plead to have him back.
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If I can't be part of the solution I insist on being most of the problem
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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I forgot all about that aspect. Yes, I believe my ex was trying to show the world that he's fine....nothing wrong with him...but he was really trying to show ME. Haha...how sad.
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stressedout
newbie
Reged: 01/27/05
Posts: 30
Loc: New Jersey
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Men are dumb....
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2087
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I think that some people can't stand being alone. They run off and marry someone else because it fills the emptiness. I've seen widowers marry quickly after a spouse dies. The ending of a marriage or someone dying is part of a mourning cycle. I don't think quick re-marriages have the best statistical chances of a long term success rate.
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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Yeah - to run off and get married again - because you are lonely, or trying to make a point, is perhaps the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. BUT - I see how it just keeps happening. My wife left me last February (Valentine's Day). Ouch. Yes, I think there was a point to be made ;)... I read and read about divorce, met several times with a counselor, and of course, talked and talked with friends, etc. As it turns out - many many try too soon to start over. They either want to re-capture what they lost, or they want to make a point, or they're just damn lonely people with no self esteem yet.
It takes time to build back that half of you or so that just walked out the door. You MUST love yourself, and be content with your solitude, your soverignty, and your self, before you have ANYTHING to offer another person long term. I just learned that lesson in a rather painful way - trying to start over too soon. Don't rush into anything. "Take it Slow" - is a cliche, for a reason. It's true. You need time to be you again.
If so and so needed to rush out there to make a point, or to make someone jealous, or to show how he's "healed" - well, if I were a lawyer, I'd leave my card in the fish bowl at the wedding reception. ;)
2 cents.
Sandflea
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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