Tim_M
journeyman
Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
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I've posted recently ("Maintenance for a Disabled Man in MO," "Deep Trouble in MO," and "Unwanted Divorce in MO.") Basically, I was a SAHD with a back disability, served 3 wks ago with a TRO and divorce papers. the posts outline my experiences. I couldn't understand the false abuse allegations, because I love my wife and kids and would never even think of hurting them. But then I read about emotional abuse, and realized for the first time that she was the abuser, and I the victim. I doubt she even realizes that.
I am defending the OP tomorrow, and feel somewhat confident that I can defeat it, unless she just lies on the stand, or the judge buys her "fear of violence" (even though there has never been any.) But I don't know what to do with my new-found knowledge of the emotional abuse aspect. She has temporary custody of my 15-yr daughter, and could gain permanent custody if she wins the OP tomorrow. I am real concerned that with me gone from the household, my daughter might already be the "replacement" victim. I learned accidently that STBX has taken my child to her mother's house, out of state, so I'm not sure how that complicates things.
I can't even communicate because of the no-contact order. I still love my wife, and wish we could just separate for awhile with extensive therapy on all sides, because I would love to save a 25 yr marriage, instead of an outright divorce. But I also realize that this may be impossible.
I'm trying to filter through sources of help and information on the internet, but nearly everything is from the viewpoint of the male being the abuser, and the female as victim. Anybody know where I can find something for reversed-role victims? Any advice? She's got me on the mats, right now...
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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Didn't you see my response on the other thread?
oF COURSE SHE IS GOING TO LIE.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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Tim_M
journeyman
Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
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I know that, Relayer. I'm looking for sources to help me and my kids recover, whether an allegation of emotional abuse by me can enter into gaining custody of my girl, since I am sure that she is also a victim, etc. I pretty much am prepared to lose the OP hearing tomorrow. I am concerned beyond that, especially for the sake of my daughter...
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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Once you have an OP, you are a marked man basically...
It's going to be hard beyond court ordered counseling
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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Tim_M
journeyman
Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
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That scares me, because I know that my kids are targets of her abuse. Probably why they "fear" me to begin with, when I've never, ever justified that fear.
I did get a ride to town for doctor appt and medicine, and the latter will help. My doctor verified that I am 100% disabled and will never work again. According to my attorney, under MO law, that means my wife will end up paying my legal fees and eventually writing me a monthly maintenance payment, possibly for life.
Hope it was worth it to her.
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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It does not mean that if you are not ruled legally disabled by an agency such as socila security or your state department of human services..you can find a doctor to say anything if you pay him enough...wont fly..
dude, you need to understand the realities of the situation. You have been accused. Not her. It is you that is going to suffer the brunt of this.
You also need to be careful with the type of medication you take, prescribed or not. If they are pain killers are any kind of benzodiazpene such as Valium, you are screwed.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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Tim_M
journeyman
Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
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I understand your warnings. But this is the sixth doctor or surgeon (out of six) who all say the same thing, so consistencies like that I would expect to be replicated by government agencies. My history is so-well documented that I don't think she can poke holes in in it. I don't think she thought any of this through, before she filed.
I also realize the problems I face with the rest of it (custody, in particular). All I can do at this point is continually pray.
I take narcotics, not valium...
I don't want to seem overly upbeat, but it is better that I thought could happen a few days ago, and after the Hell I lived through the last few weeks, I'll grab any hope!
I do appreciate your advice, too.
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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Opiates are not good in the courts eyes..regardless of the prescription...just an FYI
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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Tim_M
journeyman
Reged: 07/15/07
Posts: 87
Loc: Missouri
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Might not be an OP hearing after all. My attorney just confirmed that my STBX is living out of state with my child, without a court order -- a violation of Missouri law. The admission itself was found on a motion her attorney filed. This leverage may get her to drop the entire OP.
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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If she lives out of state, what is the difference if there is an OP?
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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