CiCi
addict
Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
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It just hit me (duhhh) that Sunday is the day I'm scheduled to retrieve my daughter from the care of my in-laws. She is visiting with them now through the end of the week. For those of you who may recall my post about not being ready to see the in-laws, I realize that I still haven't made a solid decision yet!
I have friends who live in the town where I'm picking her up (the half-way point between me and the in-laws), so I do have an option of not having to see them as my friends have volunteered to pick her up on my behalf.
I guess what I'm still feeling is that my ex has made a fool of me. He'll swear up and down that he has never bad-mouthed me to anyone - especially his parents. But, it's not always what a person says - it's often what they do and their actions that tell the story. In my case, I'm apparently not good enough so my ex had to walk out on his family (for another woman) and his parents "support" him JUST because he is their son. I mean, I get that to some extent, but why couldn't they just tell me that they don't agree with what he did....augh....I'm just ranting - I'll stop now.
Anyway - any thoughts on how I should handle Sunday? I've spoken to my daughter every day (via her cell phone), but have avoided the in-laws like the plague. Who knows, maybe they don't want to see me either.
XOXO
CiCi
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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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you go there an act civilally with your head high and show your daughter how to behave like a fine adult - on the side, it is hard to do but be brave my young one and g forth and conquer or may the force be with you or something silly along those lines.....
they may also be wrestlingwith the decision of their loyalty - and then they may not but if there can still be a good relationship between the grandparents and the child...that is all that matters and hopefully something good will fall into place...
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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Badasp
addict
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 423
Loc: AZ
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They expect you to be bitter, no eye contact, short and sweet with talk. Surprise the crap out of them, smile, have happy thoughts, good eye contact when you talk to him and her, don't let your face give you away. I wonder what they will be talking about when you leave!
You'll laugh all the way home if you can pull that off...
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willybillie
enthusiast
Reged: 05/19/06
Posts: 377
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I would do precisely what Bad suggested CICI.
Hold your head up, look at them and kill them with your kindness. Don't let them know how crushed you are. If they are nice people they will have the upmost respect for you. If they are the other kind, it will eat them up..LOL.
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Ditto CiCi to what everyone else suggested and pick up your child yourself. Maybe bring a friend for moral support if that might help. But no matter how difficult it might be emotionally, you'll be glad you did down the road. And so will your child. There's nothing like role modeling good behavior around kids. They're always watching even when you think they're not and like little sponges, they absorb all the vibes, attitudes, and behavior of us adults.
Good luck!
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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BetsyR
member
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 187
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This is so hard on you CiCi -- I'm so sorry. Of course your inlaws love their son. But it's quite possible that they strongly, unforgivingly oppose his bad actions, & it's likely they're extremely upset w/ him for the hurt he caused their grandchildren. Since your inlaws will be part of your life for a long time, you might give them the benefit of the doubt.
Here's what happened to me: stbx badmouthed me to my m-i-l, who believed every word at first, b/c she hadn't heard about her son's affair. Eventually she did find out that her little altar boy had been sneaking around for a long time.
I didn't want to call my m-i-l b/c I thought she was ok w/ her son's cheating & was welcoming the OW into the family. Meanwhile, SHE didn't want to call ME b/c she thought I must be angry at her for raising her son to be immoral. Eventually one of my (grown) kids straightened us out, & now I call her every week or so. We say "I love you" to each other & try to mean it.
It was the first contact that was so hard to do. Maybe that will be true for you as well.
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willybillie
enthusiast
Reged: 05/19/06
Posts: 377
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Hi Cici,
I know your plate is pretty full at the moment but I
just wanted to touch bases and see if you were still looking into rounding up this group for a well deserved mini-vacation somewhere. I know we talked about Vegas.
Let me know if you need help or assistance in any way involving putting this together.
Bill
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rschiller
old hand
Reged: 08/25/05
Posts: 1014
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Well, CiCi, it's been years for me now out of my divorce and the in laws still pose a problem for me too.
At first they were angry at me for just not forgiving my x for his abuse and taking him back. They claimed he had changed, I did not see it. Then, the X moved another woman into our old house about two weeks or so right after the kids and I moved out.
At first my XMIL told me, "She makes him feel good about himself, and he's never had that before". Ha, I said.
NOW, well, completely different story. They cannot stand this woman, miss me, have told me, and tear up every time they see me, especially my XFIL.
Recently the kids were at their dad's and they were supposed to go spend the day with their grandparents. Well, step sister didn't want to go, so my kids didn't get to go and they expressed to me that they were upset. We just got back from visiting my parents and I had them call their grandparents that live here and we talked finally after years.
I am going to drop them off for two seperate days next week to visit. I want them to know that despite how their son feels about me, I want them to have a good relationship with their grandchildren. I was worried that we might be overstepping boundries but it seemed to be a positive conversation.
The point here is that you never know until you try. No matter how hard it is, it's good for your children to see you getting along with everyone they love. No matter what, these folks are still your kids grandparents. I would hold my head up, smile, and just do it. Don't let them think you have anything to hide by not going over there. You have done nothing wrong and the truth does finally come out in the end.
Hope this helps a little.
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GMan42
journeyman
Reged: 09/21/06
Posts: 71
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Walk the high road Cici! You have nothing to be ashamed of, and you have everything to show your children how an adult faces life.
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JustMeAndThree
old hand
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 993
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Pick her up yourself. Show them that regardless of what has happened you are still standing strong. Not only will it make them see what their son gave up but it will show your daughter how to stand tall and not let things bring her down. By having someone else pick her up it will give the wrong impression to everyone involved. Anything you say or do that his parents get wind of is eventually going to make it's way back to him. Don't let him see that he has knocked you down. Show him you're strong!!!
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Slap yourself, that wasn't funny.
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