ChaseR
recently joined
Reged: 08/01/07
Posts: 7
|
|
I love my wife of seven years. We're in our early thirties. Have two awesome kids, 5 and 10 mos old.
Both of us grew apart, becoming someone that we do not enjoy (Meaning who she is today is not someone I would want to spend the next year of my life, let alone the rest of time). And she feels the same way about me.
Do you think two people can change that, or is this a sign that perhaps ending the marriage and moving on could be a viable option?...
Just asking for thoughts and comments.
Thanks. 
|
matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
|
|
have you tried counseling to find out what it is that has changed and that you have lost in the marriage.....time changes things but it does not necessary have to be negative.
maybe the focus needs to be placed back on the two of you and your marriage instead of other things that may have gotten in the way...
--------------------
Life is a long lesson in humility.
|
GMan42
journeyman
Reged: 09/21/06
Posts: 71
|
|
In the years ahead you both WILL change. Change for the positive is equally possible. The one thing that won't change is that you will be co-parents. That is far easier and far better for all as a loving couple. Divorce will not make that aspect of your lives any better. And it's a crap-shoot if your relationship life will get any better. As one who lived many years in a co-parenting loveless relationship, and am now working my way through the pain of divorce, I would take the former and I am grateful for the relationship I have with my adult children - much of that was built over years as a family. If possible ChaseR, find a way. The pathway you're looking at is not a fun ride.
|
yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
|
|
How 'bout you tell us more about the money situation. Who earns it and who spends it...
Most likely you are in the upside down situation and owe your stbx LOTS of money. If your liability is huge, your interest in your wife might change because it is soooo expensive to get her out of your life.
Women never have to worry about this issue...
--------------------
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
|
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
|
|
You've hit on a subject that is very sensitive to me today.
I think it IS possible for people to make the changes needed to grow in a relationship, but both people have to want to and it may take help to get there. Is it worth it? Yes I think so. The reason this is a sensitive subject for me is because I have had some recent conversations with my x boyfriend lately. He dumped me almost 2 years ago without a word as to why. Our relationship was not perfect but it was good and could have been repaired. (It's too late for that now because he married less than a year ago.) At any rate our conversations have been him apologizing to me for hurting me and running from me when he should have stayed and faced the problems. The worst thing in life isn't giving up on a relationship that has died. It's giving up on a relationship that could have been saved and having regrets later when it's too late..
--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
|
|
You know, I have to ask, when you decided you wanted to be married, was it for the next month, the next year, or the rest of your life. I am guessing it was for the rest of your life. You had to know things were going to change, people change and thats part of the bargain. Obviously there are things people cannot live with, but to just say changes are the reason. Take some real time, and figure out what you want, and then do that, if you want to be married, then you will work towards that, if you don't want to be married, then no amount of anything is going to help you. If your not sure then you take all actions to fix the issues and stay married.
|
Drew
old hand
Reged: 07/30/07
Posts: 1017
Loc: somewhere more familiar
|
|
I suppose the answer to your quandary to be subjective, however, statistics support that 1st marriages have the highest rate of success. I personally feel strongly that if two people genuinely loved each other then that can be re-kindled. (highly dependant on circumstance and not having too much "bad" water under the bridge) It would obviously require a renewal of commitment and the sustained effort of both parties. Sort of like a fire, untended it will burn out, properly managed and it is sustainable indefinitely.
--------------------
"living, learning, from my creator. you gave me life now show me how to live" c. cornell
|
madalex
enthusiast
Reged: 01/08/07
Posts: 261
|
|
Since you have kids, "ending the marriage and moving on" is going to create untold amounts of stress, hassle, bitterness and anger for you for the next 20 years. Until you have been through it, you have no idea how terrible divorce is (and this is coming from somebody who had a relatively easy divorce and is able to work with his ex-spouse relatively well).
"Growing apart" (if that is all that has happened) is not a good reason to put yourself, your spouse and (most importantly) your kids through the agony of divorce. You must get you and your spouse into counseling before you head down a path you regret.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
