k122175
newbie
Reged: 11/23/06
Posts: 49
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I've posted a few times on various boards. I've made the decision to leave my husband. We live in Pennsylvania. I have tried numerous times to get him to go to counseling and he refuses. We've been married 6 years - he has a 15 yo from a previous marriage (who lived with my mother in law until my husband and I got married and then he moved in with us so I am raising him - his bio mother abandoned him at 2 yo), an 8 year old from a previous relationship who my husband has not bothered with in 3 years and we have a 5 yo together. We both work, we do not own a home. We do not have joint credit cards, we have a joint checking account/savings account. His name is on my van (still making payments on it), he has a truck that my name is not on. My name might be on as a cosigner for student loans for college he never followed through with. I guess my question is where do I start. He is oblivious to my decision. I've tried talking to him but he just walks away. He doesn't want to deal with it. He likes that I take care of EVERYTHING and all he has to do is work and bring home a paycheck. When I say everything - I mean EVERYTHING (lawncare, home maintenance, bills, dr. appts, vehicle maintenance, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, you name it - I do it.) Like I said - where do I start. I've already open a separate checking account and I am having my pay deposited into it and transfering funds from my account to cover bills (my cc) that automatically come out of the joint account. It may seem insane and cruel not to tell him of my decision yet - but I believe I have to get things in order before I leave.
I'd appreciate any advice/guidance.
Thank you in advance.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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I'd start with preparing to raise your 5 yo alone. He already put his 15 yo child with his mom and doesn't even bother with his 8 yo. Your 5 yo is in for a bumpy ride. 
Since you already have your own account and nothing is joint, you're off to a good start. Just make sure to get copies of any important documents. Any paperwork that shows the student loans were for him, any paperwork showing debts/assets, retirement/income information...everything. And put the copies somewhere other than in the house so you can get your hands on them if things go real sour real fast.
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Char Fox
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k122175
newbie
Reged: 11/23/06
Posts: 49
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I've prepared myself for raising my son alone. I can do it - I'm not kidding myself I know it will be hard - but I know I can do it. We do have a joint checking account but my pay no longer goes into it. Thanks for the heads up on the studen loan paperwork - I didn't even think of that. The only other important paperwork I think we have is tax returns, ss cards, birth certificates. He receives periodic statements on his 401k that he throws away (I know - real intelligent on his part) I receive my statements for my retirement electronically. We have no assets really - furnishings that we each brought to the marriage. The only things purchased during our marriage was a new stove, new washer, new dryer, 2 computers (one is in my name, the other is in his name). The minivan and his truck - truck is paid for - still making payments on the van - both our names are on that. Would I lose that in a divorce? I mean he has a truck in his name solely - could I lose my only mode of transporation?
I know this is going to be difficult but I truly believe in the end everyone will be happier.
Thanks for your advice.
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4courage
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/07
Posts: 3
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Better to be alone and well, instead of together and sick. I just left a month ago after 35 years of what started out similiar to you...run kid run...
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k122175
newbie
Reged: 11/23/06
Posts: 49
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Thanks 4courage - I feel it is hard to leave after 6 years - I can only imagine how hard it was for you after 35! A friend of mine tried to tell me its better to be with the devil you know then the devil you don't know. I used to feel she was right but then I realized - I'm prepared for whatever life has to deal me. As long as I have my son - I can deal with anything that comes my way.
I guess this may be a dumb question - but should I contact a lawyer now - or wait until a few months before I plan to leave?
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