LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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I wanted to share this, because it still blows my mind. It makes me a little nervous too and I hate that... Now I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ugh!
Out of the blue yesterday, I got an e-mail from my exH congratulating me on graduating college and for my passing my licensing exam. He has never done anything like this in the 6 years since our separation/divorce. Never!!! He's always been negative, nasty and played downright mean head games before.
I have also been worried that since I have now graduated, am working, that he'd try and stop spousal support before it ends in September. I had addressed this with him and he did hissay nothing and then drop a bomb on me, when I least expected it. In this e-mail, he told me he would not petition the court to end anything early. That alone is amazing! This change of heart in him, to actually try and be nice, is very foreign to me! I'm not exactly sure what to do with it now. I am thankful that he seems to have grown a conscience all the sudden and hope it's here to stay. I am also just very leery now too.
What would you think?
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Congratulations on passing your boards Lori -- how's your new job?
Is it possible that he simply isn't petitioning to stop paying your spousal support becasue it's already August? Let's face it, it would cost more to try and stop it than it would to simply pay it -- and if the final payment is in September, then why bother?
As far as congratulation your for your achievement? For the moment, why not take it as a genuine kudo and let it go?
My ex and I have a much more civil relationship than you and your ex and he's NEVER said that to me!
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Thanks "J"!
I am trying to take it at face value. Just don't want to be unpleasantly surprised down the road. Don't want to turn around and be bit. Yes, it is August and why fight it now? That was my thoughts too. But, that would be his usual mode of operation, considering his past behavior. I am very glad and relieved he isn't going to go there again now.
Work is really great! The time flies when I'm working and I like that. Just came off of working 40 hours in 4 days, so I'm tired. I have the day off today and then I go back tomorrow for 3 days. Can't wait until the weekend, which I have off. Yay! It's been an adjustment for my kids and I, but we are making it!
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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Hi Lori,
Again, congrats on getting your RN. What a great accomplishment!!!
In regards to your X; don't let the Mr. Nice Guy act fool you. Don't. Our X's are so similar and whenever mine started to act nice,accomodating, or human and I dropped my guard and thought 'geeze, he must actually be turning into a decent guy', Wham! He'd hit me with something nasty. Happens EVERY TIME. I've finally learned my lesson and actually put my guard up higher whenever the X is nice, cause I've learned him being nice means he wants something or has pulled the wool over my eyes and I'm about to pay big time for some injustice he thinks I've done in the past.
Sorry to be so negative, but you have nothing to lose by keeping the guard up. And please keep in mind that everytime in the past when you thought your X had changed for the better, you'd find out he didn't and then would kick yourself for being fooled again.
Also Beachbabe made an excellent point about the X not petitioning to stop support since he only has to pay one or two more months. It just wouldn't be worth the attorneys fees or time to do so.
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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I personally think that all of the planets are aligned in some strange way these days. I'm beginning to think so since my x SO's apology last week.
Maybe in your x's case the green grass on the other side of the fence is starting to turn brown and he realizes that the issues he left your marriage with followed him. Maybe he realized that he's not (gasp) perfect. Maybe he's just being genuinely nice. (Okay that's far-fetched, I know) Whatever the case don't over analyze it. You'll probably never figure it out.
For the record I'm extremely proud of you not only for finishing school and your new job but also because of how much you've grown over the past couple of years that I've known you! (((HUGS)))
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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LadyBug,
Way back when I was just a lurker, you were the inspiration that helped me decide to go back to school.
Thank you for sharing your journey and congradulations on passing the boards.
Hopefully, (fingers and toes crossed, that my graduate research paper is accepted) I will graduate in December.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Hi Melanie,
I agree with you, at first I took it as "Whoa! This is a huge change!" But, with time to think about it a little more, I am leery. I'm not loosing sleep over it or anything, but I am certainly cautious. I know he's a snake lying in the grass and I don't want him to strike when I least expect it. I am definetly guarded.
He included a sentence in the e-mail about me keeping him updated on my working status. Quite frankly, my working has no baring on the spousal support continuing one more month or not. If he's not going to pursue stopping support early, I don't get his needing to know things like that. I certainly am never updated on his job, even when he legally needed to keep me so, he didn't. I felt his old controlling reach in all of that. After all, he started a new job last November and never notified CSE about any increase in his pay and I'm certain there was, just by the job he has. At last review, he makes three times what I will and he still will not report it, so that CS won't go up again. I felt it was very ballsy of him to even request such a thing, but I didn't get into a debate about it with him. I let it go.
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Hi Debi,
I am glad you've finally had some closure of sorts with you exSO, but I also worry if maybe it's opened up a whole new emotional can of worms for you too? He really, really, really hurt you with the very back-handed, sneaky, lying way he ended things with you. I remember it well. What useful purpose does it now serve for him to now keep contact and keep you emotionally tied to him, still to this say, in some way. I think it's very cruel of him and it only serves his own selfish purposes. He is married now and why should he be stringing you along, even in what he portrays as some "innocent" way?
As for my exH, there was a full moon recently. I guess the wolves have been coming out to howl and bark at it! LOL! All the sudden I got two more e-mail from him today. They were very brief, nothing personal, just something he needed to look into for the boys insurance coverage, but for a change he actually did it and got back to me. I don't know what the change is, but I'm not Pollyanna and I'm cautious.
I did talk to my ex-BIL a few weeks ago (my ex's brother) and maybe he said something back to his brother? Because my ex-BIL was appalled at how his brother has been treating our children and not being a very stand up guy about the whole divorce. I hadn't talked to this BIL in 6 years and at one time we were close. I heard from them because their oldest brother recently passed away and he called to let me know. Maybe he had a hand in it all, maybe the ex is thinking the grass isn't so green on the other side anymore? Whatever the things may be, I know who I'm dealing with and I'm being very careful.
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Hi PR,
Wow! I've never thought of myself as ever being an inspiration to anyone, about anything. I am glad that in some small way that anything I've been through and shared, may have then ended up being a help to someone else, is just amazing. After all, that's what this board is really all about. Getting each of us to put one foot in front of the other and keep on going.
I'm so glad that you decided to go back and do what you've wanted to accomplish! It is a difficult road, but at the end of it, when you look back and feel proud of it, it does boost your self morale. Just knowing you did it, on your own, makes it all worth while. I'm really proud of you and congratulations to you too! Please keep us posted.
Hugs,
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
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Oh yeah, Lori. He has definitely opened a new can of worms. I just haven't decided what kind they are. I think he's very unhappy and I know he has regrets. Knowing him his marriage is going south and he's lining someone else up since he can't be alone. Who better than good 'ole Deb? Luckily even with everything that has happened in the past 2 years I'm much more emotionaly stable than I was back then and I haven't forgotten one thing he did either. So for now I just continue to let him pull his own noose a little tighter and see where he's going. (I already know what he "wants") This time I'm the one who is in control and it feels pretty damn good. LOL
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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