intrepidsoul
recently joined
Reged: 09/10/07
Posts: 2
|
|
I am trying to avoid the complication where he-said-she-said and put my kid in the middle. She's 5, and as kids that age will often do, sometimes she'll relay a comment or two that my ex has said about me, her grandparents (whom I live with-they're my parents). Today, she told my mom that her Dad says that 1) we keep a dirty, digusting house (not true), 2) that mommy broke Daddy's heart and I'm a bad person, 3) that my Dad (her grandfather)should not play with her or take her out, and 4) that he (my ex) is the boss of our house (he lives with his mom 50 miles away).
Some background: my ex and I were officially split two months ago. We were separated Dec last year, and it became very contentious. He called DYFS on me, I was cleared, he called the town code officials on my Dad (they investigated, found a few things, then dropped the case because they felt it was malicious on his part). We both went for psych evals. Passed. He is a hairtrigger over-reactor. I've tried to remain calm, and do call him on it when he does stupid things (like limiting my calls with my daughter when she was there a week). He can't keep using her as a pawn like this. I don't tell her things the way he does, I try and be mature about it, and remember to avoid the question of divided loyalties. I just don't want him destroying her. Help!
--------------------
Diplomacy is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they will enjoy the trip.
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7783
|
|
I guess your diplomatic skills are lacking.
You really should explain to your child that you don't know why her daddy feels that way, but if it bothers her then the next time he mentions it, she should tell her Daddy that it bothers her (this works for older kids, maybe not 5)
If you don't want to leave that up to a five year old, then you'll have to talk to him directly and PRAY that he doesn't see you an some ex-wife trying to boss him around.
It will NOT destroy her so don't worry about that. In fact, as time goes on, she will really see him for what he is doing, and you will benefit from doing the right thing. You will be teaching her the proper way to deal with these issues, and being the best parent you can. You will have to keep taking the high road and just know that eventaully it will get easier, and eventually he will realize that he is NOT doing what is best for the kid.
|
anglwbrknwngs7
recently joined
Reged: 10/06/07
Posts: 9
|
|
I agree with ssmom79, as she gets older she will realize what is happening. I use to fear how my step kids would react to some of the things their mom and husband has said about us, but as they've gotten older they have learned a few things on their own. Just don't play his game and help give her the skills to tell her dad how she feels about his comments as she ages.
|
|
0 registered and 2 anonymous users are browsing this forum.
Moderator:
Print Topic
|
Forum Permissions
You cannot start new topics
You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled
UBBCode is enabled
|
Rating:
Topic views: 3034
|
|
|
|
|
|
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1
|
Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
|
|
|
|
|
The information contained on this page is not to be considered legal advice.
A local counsel or professional should always be consulted in regards to any legal matters.
"a passion for a better divorce℠" - established in 1996
© 1996 - 2013 Divorce Source, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
