freedom123
addict
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 528
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that I'm letting my issues with my past affect my current relationship. I'm trying so hard to not be overwhelmed but I can't seem to stop myself. There are times when my confidence is pretty high but it seems the slightest indication of indifference sends my self esteem spiralling downward. It's like I look for cracks in our relationship that tell me that he doesn't care as much as I want him to care. I'm working on getting over that...that's all I can do in that area I suppose. On top of that, I'm worried that the judge will go along with my x's motion that my bf cannot be around my children on Monday. Heck, my x doesn't even exercise visitation so I wouldn't be able to spend any time with bf at all if x gets his way. I'm just sick with worry and insecurities at the moment. I'm just so afraid of being hurt yet again. What if I lose that support?
I'm sure I'll feel better soon but I'm just so ready for Monday to be over with the results that I want.
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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I am also in a relationship after being divorced, and I too let past issues get in the way at times, I'm lucky my boyfriend is extremely understanding and we have been friends for years, so he doesn't make it difficult on me. I hope yours is understanding as well.
I'm not sure I'm familiar with your situation - why would a judge say your boyfriend can't be around your children?
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freedom123
addict
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 528
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My x moved in with his gf one week m/l after our separation. I found out right before we went to court for our initial hearing. His gf has a history of drug addiction and just an overall pitiful family life history. She has supervised visitation EOW with her two children due to that drug abuse. She doesn't cooperate with social workers and shows up for court appointed drug screenings at her discretion (I'm sure when my x tests her clean beforehand). She has petitioned the court to allow my x to be her "supervision" with her children. Now he is also not cooperating with the social worker...showing up for the drug screenings whenever he wants and claims that his work schedule prevents him from doing it when the court asks. I happen to know that his work used to be extremely flexible. And I only say "used to be" because that's the way it was when we were married...he took off whenever he wanted, left when he wanted and returned when he wanted. At the initial hearing, I was still in shock about the affair and horrified at the trash he wanted to expose to my children and I asked that his female friend not be allowed around my kids. It was granted. This was in March...March 8th to be exact. Due to her inability to stay clean, the court order has not been changed and the ONE time that he exercised visitation, he violated that co introducing DS12 and DD14 to his gf...only receiving a slap on the wrist...(this was not his first violation of a co so I was disgusted that he wasn't raked over the coals so to speak...just follow the rules). We have been divorced for two months and he's now filed a motion that my bf not be allowed around my kids. My bf has NO history with drugs or alcohol...just a good all around man. My kids love him and he will go out of his way to help me with them...take them where they need to go, etc. if I'm in a bind. He's basing it on the fact that bf and I took the kids to an overnight birthday party at a waterpark hotel. Both of my kids stayed in rooms with their friends. In the past few weeks, my bf has started staying overnight. He doesn't usually get to my house until 9 pm or later because he works a public job during the day and then farms until dark. He didn't start doing this until I was divorced and it's not like we are intimate with my kids there. Who knows how the judge will see it though...I just don't know how it's going to turn out.
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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Sounds to me like your X has no grounds to keep your bf from seeing your kids, or being around your kids. And sounds like he's only doing it b/c you did that to him (yet you obviously had good reason to). Under the circumstances you've explained, I can't imagine any judge granting his motion.
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freedom123
addict
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 528
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Thanks, JennyLynn, I am needing all the pick me up that I can get at this point. I keep telling myself that he'll look foolish on Monday but I'm also worried that I'll look like a slut. I won't volunteer the information about my bf staying over, but if I'm asked I won't lie about it either. The only time my bf and I have together, especially at this time of year, is at night and since I have my kids nearly ALL of the time, I wouldn't ever get to see him if the judge saw things x's way. My kids come first to me but I would be devestated. My bf is honestly the best thing (beside my kids) that has happened to me. And yes, he is understanding and sweet. We didn't even share a single kiss beyond a peck for almost a month because he didn't want to rush me. He's the polar opposite of my x....I'm so very lucky.
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