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Rocko
journeyman

Reged: 10/10/06
Posts: 94

How can I help my childrens mom be better?

#315960 - 11/05/07 12:54 PM

Hello, I need some advice. I am a non-custodial parent of a 5 year old boy and a 7 year old daughter. The mother has the children during the week and I get them every weekend.

My 5 year old has a real problem with discipline that has been going on for about two years. His mother will not enforce any type of punishment. When he does not want to do something he throws huge fits and she bribes him with anything she can to get him to stop. The fits are getting worse and he is now doing this at school in front of grandparents, etc. He is a good child 90% of the time with me and I have talked to her about not reinforcing his bad behavior and she admits she does this, but she says she doesn't know how to stop. Myself, friends of hers have told her how to help this but she keeps giving in. She has no problem with our daughter, just our son. I am worried he will continue to act out and get worse. Is there anything I can do?

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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798

Re: How can I help my childrens mom be better?

[Re: Rocko]
#316014 - 11/05/07 02:04 PM

well you can see the writing on the wall with this one.

your correct that it will only get worse.

she is feeding inot his bad behavior by rewarding him.

she needs to decide if she is going to parent or support him for the rest of her life.

his behavior will not be tolerated in school so she is not doing him any favors there.

tell her to come off with the "I don't know how to stops...".

she needs to make him understand that throwing a tantrum and misbehaving the way he does is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

edited to add :
she may not think what she is doing to the 5yr is in any way impacting the 7yr old but the other is learning that the bad bahavior is acceptable and may build resentment over how each of them is being treated.

--------------------
Life is a long lesson in humility.

Edited by matart1 (11/05/07 02:07 PM)

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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...

Re: How can I help my childrens mom be better?

[Re: Rocko]
#316222 - 11/05/07 09:42 PM

I would suggest she take parenting classes and see if they offer any from the Love and Logic series. Actually, just getting her the book and/or tapes might help.

--------------------
Lisa

Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.

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freedom123
addict

Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 528

Re: How can I help my childrens mom be better?

[Re: rocketgirl]
#317901 - 11/08/07 11:56 PM

Offer to attend parenting classes together or at least both taking them if not together. She may not be insulted if she sees it as a genuine offer to be better parents.

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irishgurlie
member

Reged: 08/23/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Somewhere in the South

Re: How can I help my childrens mom be better?

[Re: freedom123]
#332711 - 12/13/07 08:07 PM

Parenting classes. It never hurts to learn a new way of approaching something. Yes offer to go together if you two are amnicble.

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