jack911
recently joined
Reged: 10/31/07
Posts: 6
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About 4 years ago I asked for a divorce from a 35 year marriage. It was a very trying time. My spouse had a nervious breakdown, threatened suicide and spent a few weeks in a psychiatric center. This was followed by weeks of medication and marriage counseling. To make a long story short, I eventually gave in and told her that I was not going to leave.
Time has passed, but the issues that drove me to consider divorce are still there. I have no doubts in my mind that I need to get on with my life no mater how painful the process will be.
How do you handle a person that is prone to depression? Is there an easier way? Can anyone share similar experiences?
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Simple, arrange for your STBX to have an " accident "...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Relayer
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
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Quote:
About 4 years ago I asked for a divorce from a 35 year marriage. It was a very trying time. My spouse had a nervious breakdown, threatened suicide and spent a few weeks in a psychiatric center. This was followed by weeks of medication and marriage counseling. To make a long story short, I eventually gave in and told her that I was not going to leave.
Time has passed, but the issues that drove me to consider divorce are still there. I have no doubts in my mind that I need to get on with my life no mater how painful the process will be.
How do you handle a person that is prone to depression? Is there an easier way? Can anyone share similar experiences?
Typically, weeks of medication for depression is not nearly enough
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GO CUBBIES!!!!
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emilar
enthusiast
Reged: 06/11/06
Posts: 380
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do you have a pastor or someone else who's council she respects..don't tell her you want a divorce just that maybe you need to seperate..but you are still there for her and want to help...35 years is a long time even if it was bad..it was most of her life and she really probably can't figure out what to do next..does she work..I don't know your financial arrangement..but thats goingto have to be worked out..so she has no other stress right now..maybe you can arrange to come home for dinner a couple of nights a week..it's a long time to love someone and needs to be respected..you can't help your feelings any more than she can..you need to find away to stay friends but move on seperately..baby steps is probably the best thing in her state..and if you go to a counseler again..speak privately and tell them her state and that you cannot stay married to her and would like their help in helping her..hope some of this helps..good luck
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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
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emilar
enthusiast
Reged: 06/11/06
Posts: 380
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also the public crisis centers deal with this a lot..maybe call a few and see what they suggest..this is a bad situation..i'm sorry for the both of you..but your not doing her any favors living a lie..she'll see it sooner or later or might not..do everything you can to make it easier for her, then stop feeling guilty, and get on with your life
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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
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jack911
recently joined
Reged: 10/31/07
Posts: 6
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Thanks emilar.
I noticed that you mentioned "baby steps", I have considered that, but am hesitant because everything I have read indicates that a clean break is best. Why go through the process multiple times?
Financially, she will end up being very secure. I will be the big loser in that respect. Over the years, she has contributed very little to our assets. I am willing to pay that price.
I really don't want to go through counseling again. I found that to be a waste. My decision to leave is [censored]. It is something that should have be done long ago, but was not. I am sure that there are many people that have put up with an undesirable situation for many years simply because they get use to it. As I have gotten older, it has caused me to re-examine what I have done at what opportunities there are for the future. I am convinced that I will be better off going my separate way. Unfortunately, she has become so dependant on me that my leaving puts her life in turmoil. I don't know what I can to to prevent that.
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