Jewelsy
recently joined
Reged: 09/21/05
Posts: 22
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hello readers.. First of all thanks for taking the time to read this... I am 35 years old have been in the same relationship for 2 years... he is a Cheif in the United States Navy... I got pregnant ( twins ) and he was standing by my side seemed to be so happy and excited.. I did however notice he didnt go to appts ect but always had a work excuse... The weekend I was being educed.. weekend of Sept 6th... He knew all about it ( we didnt live together) We spoke he said he was excited, he loved me... and could'nt wait.. that same week ( weekend of birth) he vanished... took off and went to visit his other two children from his previous marriage in virginia.. ( i only know because someone slipped and told me.. they thought I knew) He never told me when we spoke he was leaving.. he just took off and went... I went to his home on that friday for dinner as planned and he was gone.... ( sunday I gave birth) I called him over and over on his cell with no return phone calls..... no phone calls whatsoever.. I called while in labor and also after I had his two children... Upon his return when I asked him where he was he said " out of town" and left it at that.. He was mad at me because I was upset he wasnt there for childrens birth.. the entire time he was in the hospital... he never once came to see us... today is September 21st and he has yet to even see his children... I tried two weekends in a row... no calls nothing.. despite him saying yes.. I went to his home alone to find out what was going on and he ended us for no reason... One of his sons has some lung issues and he has barely even called.. and when he does he tells me to lose my attitude and if i dont he hangs up... I asked him this morning after he screamed at me for being angry if he even wanted to see his children.. his answer " when I am available" Love has turned into pure hate.. children are not a convienence... he wasnt even there to sign birth certificate it has nothing...... I dont know what to do... he takes the time to visit and call his other two children daily ages 5 and 7.. yet ignores my calls... I dont want him in their life with his attitude and the stunts hhe has pulled.. Am I wrong to feel this way? I mean he wasnt even their for the birth and has called maybe twice... I just dont understand.. I feel like a horrible person because i looked into his computer.. and he has been in [censored] sites... talking and caming with [censored] females...yet he has no time for his family and new children... What should I do... Thank you for listening
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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I think you've pretty much done all you can. You can't make him want to be with you or the kids if he doesn't want to be.
However, you CAN make him be responsible for his kids. To do that, you need to file for CS a.s.a.p. Because it may take awhile to get it ordered and have the payments start. He will be granted visitation rights, but again, if he doesn't use them, you won't be able to force him to do so. Since you can show he hasn't been there since the birth and is taking no interest, he will most likely be treated as an NCP with every other weekend visits.
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Char Fox
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Blah
member
Reged: 07/13/05
Posts: 104
Loc: Fla.
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Whineing female. What did you do to drive this poor man away? There must have been something. Just bringing the MAN'S perspective to the womyn's forum. Oh yes, I was invited by sisters Tabitha, Karen, and Loretta. Have a nice cry girlies! Sniff, Sniff. Tee Hee!
Blah
I calls 'em like I sees 'em!
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Jewelsy
recently joined
Reged: 09/21/05
Posts: 22
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Sorry to inform you that some men and woman dont need reason to walk out.. Except their own selfish ones.. I was the income, i was the one who purchased new vehicle ( 2 ) for him.. I PAID for him to get custody of his children..I paid his other car off.. I paid all his bills off any debt he had...
Whine? I think not..I gave birth to his sons.. alone... I have not even seeked CS or any lawyers yet..
I'm going to stop even responding to your hateful and uneducated response..
We are woman not womyn
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Blah
member
Reged: 07/13/05
Posts: 104
Loc: Fla.
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Just thought I'd give you a little Man's perspective as your sisters are so fond of doing over on the MEN'S RIGHTS forum. Their advice is as idiotic as the advice I just gave you! Bye for now!
Blah
Not afraid to speak the truth!
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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"Not afraid to speak the truth!"
That isn't entirely accurate, since you choose to do it anonymously, in a forum specifically designed for women. It makes you appear to be a little man with little motives lashing out from behind anonymity because real life is not fullfilling for you. Truly sad and pathetic really.
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Char Fox
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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Is that a little like being cranky that someone pissed in your sandbox, so you have to do it back? How effective.
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overtherainbow
enthusiast
Reged: 10/23/04
Posts: 268
Loc: New England
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Um. I don't mean to be mean but just to inject a little reality. Since you were not married why in heavens did you get pregnant? Why did you expect him to support you. What's done is done and you are single mother with twins. I don't know about paternity and child support laws in your state and I suppose you could do that but at the end of the day you are responsible for those children. I hope you have relatives nearby to assist you. That man is gone.
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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The obvious answer being something along the lines of.....First there's a sperm, and it meets up with an egg.......
It's not an uncommon happening...really.
I highly doubt that if she *knew* he was going to freak out and take off, she might have reconsidered even having intercourse with this man...let alone children. I think the same argument applies to the "support you" question. Apparently, she had some kind of impression that he was invested in their relationship and wished to participate in a long-term situation, no?
IMO, of the two options, she's better off not married to this dirtbag. She doesn't lose anything and gains two beautiful babies. That's something that women the world-over would beg, borrow and steal for. If he financially and/or emotionally decides to come around...then I would still tread very lightly and keep him at arm's length.
In the meantime, she's taking care of business.
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Jewelsy
recently joined
Reged: 09/21/05
Posts: 22
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Im sure there were things I did not see... And yes it hurts drastically.. but , I dont call anymre nor will I beg, nor do I want a father in my childs life who says " Ill let u knoow whne im available" to meet his own kids.. They were born on 6th and he has not even seen them.. Which tells me he does'nt care.. I know in my heart now after the crying, hurt and uncertantity of why this happened.... He is just a self centered mouse and not a real man.
I am very emotionally stable ( even though i had my moment there of pure sadness and confusuion) i have a great career.. and Ilove my children with all that I am..
I know i can make it on my own.. i think it was more hurt when I wrote this.. I was confused looking for answers, I will probably never get.. And to be honest... him running.. and him not calling makes me understand it happened for the best.. I will stick by my children always... I am dissapointed in him as a man and as a father.. i rather be alone and watch my children grow into beautiful adults.. rather then have someone who can run away so easily... Im sure in time it will be easier and the pain will heal..
I thank you all for being there for me..
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