Rynn01
recently joined
Reged: 01/06/08
Posts: 3
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My husband is active duty and we live on base. He has told me that he wants a separation, nothing legal, but he wants our 3 yr old son. His excuse is I have health issues that I've had for years since before we married, such as depression and chronic fatigue. Even though he has always deployed and left me with our son, he now says that he doesn't think it is in the best interest of DS. There is no abuse, anyone else, just can't communicate. We have tried counseling and he thinks that he needs to works on some personal issues before we can work on us.
My question is, can he make me leave without our son? I know that if I leave the house (which is what he wants) that could be seen as abandonment, but I'm concerned that he could somehow make me.
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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No. He can't make you leave. Only a court order can do that. Certainly don't leave without your child.
He needs to work on "personal issues?" Uhhhh.....is that code for, "I'd like to have sex with someone else?" Sorry, but telling you to get out and leave your child behind is a load of crap.
Sounds like it's time to get yourself in order. Make sure you can pay your own bills, support your child, have an alternate plan of action in case he does get a court order, get your health together, etc. Are you receiving treatment for your health concerns? Have your depression under control?
If your marriage does hold together, you'll only be better off for working on yourself. Do it anyway.
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Rynn01
recently joined
Reged: 01/06/08
Posts: 3
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Yes, I am working on my issues, depression is under control. There isn't anyone else, he just wants to focus on working on reducing his stress and not being able to control his temper, (verbally only). We basically live like roommates and he says that he can't focus on himmelf with our problems. I am a SAHM (mutual decision), but have agreed to get a part time job to help w/ expenses. I did tell him last night that he would not make me leave DS w/o an court order. I am going to call legal aid first thing in the AM since they can only help the first person in a marriage that contacts them. At least that is my understanding, anyway. Any other advice will be greatly appreciated. If it makes any difference, he's a major select in the AF.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26677
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I would venture to say that legal will help you by telling you to get a lawyer, they can advise you as to any AF regulations concerning support, but they normally advise you to get a civilian attorney. When you do call them, ask them specifically what happens if your husband says he no longer wants to live on base, effectively forcing you out of that particular house, ask them specifically about support requirements, and any other questions you have concerning the military requirements for support during a seperation. Once you are divorced, there should be court orders in place for support and he is required to follow those, get as much information from JAG, the chaplain, whomever you can to find out what you need to know and get an attorney, if possible, to help you with the rest. Right now information is key as you will hear a thousand different things from a thousand different people about what can and can't happen, about what they saw one time, etc. Do the legwork to find out what exactly the regulations are and then you will know what you are talking about when you talk to someone.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Do you know what they call a major select....a CAPTAIN! Ha ha, old humor for you.
Anyhoo the AF is very vague when it comes to "support dependents". If you are not going to do anything legal the AF will not really enforce anything as there is nothing to enforce. If you and your husband want to divorce, it is best that you get some kind of temp order that way things are clear and concise.
Legal will tell you to seek civilian counsel, and they may talk about the "support dependents reg", and maybe housing if you live one base.
Where are you?
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
Edited by Miranda (01/07/08 09:03 AM)
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26677
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Do yo uknow what they call the person who graduates last in his class at the Air Force Academy???
Sir
Couldn't resist
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Rynn01
recently joined
Reged: 01/06/08
Posts: 3
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We are in ND, we do live on base. He really is insisting that this is not a step towards divorce, at least that isn't what he wants it to be. Right now, my main concern is can he make me leave my child.
I have found out that ND is a state where you can record if you are part of the conversation w/o the others knowing about it, so I'm recording our session w/ our counselor today, just in case I ever do need it.
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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No, he cannot make you leave without your child without a court order.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Did you ever think that your location could be making you depressed? I had a horrible time in Germany, I am one of those people whose mood is affected by the weather...we went nearly 35 days without sun once and it was horrible.
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26677
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As far as recording a session with a counselor, would that violate any privacy laws, or confidentiality ? I have no ide aif it would just seems like it may be something that might fall under that huge umbrella.
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