JuliaJ
recently joined
Reged: 01/26/08
Posts: 1
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Hey, everyone! I could really use some opinions here. Okay, I met this guy on the [censored] Personals site, and we have met several times now. I have even met his daughter and he has met my kids. He is just coming out of a marriage as am I, and we have made an agreement that we are going to be friends for now but still spend time together every now and then. He says that he doesn't want to feel any pressure to move forward beyond what he is comfortable with. I don't have a problem with that at all because he is a really great guy, and I like spending time with him. I am perfectly happy just getting to know him slowly and taking things slow because I am sure in no rush to get into another heavy relationship.
But here is my dilemma. He wants to be just friends, right? That was our agreement for now. Well, the other night out of the blue, he asks me out to dinner. Okay, that's fine. No problem. But the thing is that he lives in a neighboring state and had to go about 2 1/2 hours north in his state for a job. Well, on his way back from there, he claims, he set his GPS navigator thing to lead him in a direction that is off the main roads, and it led him mysteriously through my town. Well, I got on Mapquest and tried it 3 different ways and not once did it lead him through my town which in in a completely different state, although the states are right next door to each other. He lives an hour and 15 minutes from me. Why would this guy who just wants to be friends go completely out of his way to come through my town "accidentally"? Oh, yeah, and he always pays for dinner. Just friends would go Dutch, right? What do you all think? Is this "just friends" behavior or what? I'm confused. Thanks!
Julia
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 Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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I've never met a single man who just wanted to "be friends" with a single woman.
Either you are "having sex with" material, or you're not. Otherwise, you are "good babysitter" and "will bail me out of a stupid thing I did" material. Accidentally drove through your town via computer error? uh huh. I would guess you're on the "having sex with" list.
Just in case I was totally off the mark, I asked my spouse....who said, "Yeeeeaaaahhhhh. Nice excuse, horn-dog."
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CiCi
addict
Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
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Call me paranoid, but I would be totally freaked out at the thought that he could be looking for your house. Personally, no man will meet my kids until we've been dating for 6 months or longer. I simply don't trust that easily (and for good reason, unfortunately). I would say that you should be very careful in proceeding with this guy...if not for yourself, then for the safety and well-bring of your children.
I'd also just like to ask if it's difficult for your children to meet someone you're interested in so soon after your split from their father? I know you two just agreed to be friends, but clearly, you're looking for some companionship if you're on a personals site, right? I tend to worry about kids being put in "adult" situations such as meeting a "man-friend of mommy's" because I think that for at least a year after a divorce, they are still grappling with the loss of their father in their every-day lives. This is just my personal opinion, but I'm always interested in hearing different people's perspectives on it.
CiCi
Good luck!
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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
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Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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He is interested in you, otherwise there is no way he would go out of his way to find your town by mistake...as for the good enough to be intimate with...well thats true tooo...he is probably telling you he wants to take his time to not scare you off...he could be genuine or he could be a a smooth talker....hard to say.....but with his living an hour or so away...that may be a good thing...not in your space all the time...
but I would say he is definitely interested...and probably in more than just being friends...the issue now is is this worth it? you never know...sometimes people will tell you anything to get what their goal is which may be what the other post said....
good luck
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sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
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OK - I know that was creepy, and I totally agree with the other posters option that he's definitely into you. No doubt. Trust me, as a guy, there's absolutely no way in H311 I would drive out of my way like that, or date someone an hour and a half away - unless at some point I expected things to "move forward".
He said he wants to take it slow. So, take it slow. Let him buy (he offered). If you get along, and things are going well, then... Your decision. Period.
So, wait and see. Don't be scared off unless he starts acting weird. He might just really like you.
2 cents.
SF
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Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
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Patrice
addict
Reged: 07/21/06
Posts: 401
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I think there's a difference between taking it slow and just being friends. Taking it slow means let's see where it leads but eventually there may be more. Friends means pals, not boyfriend/girlfriend type stuff. I also am skeptical about a guy who just wants to be friends.
I would be happy to meet someone who's willing to go slow though. Driving out of his way to your town is a little suspicious--how bout letting him know how "surprised" you are that he found his wayto your town?
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To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
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KiwiGirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/09/05
Posts: 6271
Loc: Plains State
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Oh come on. He wanted to check out where you lived. You are 'friends' and he wanted to see where his 'friend' lived.
So what now? Just offer to pay for dinner the next time you are out. And if he declines your offer simply say "Friends take turns paying. Please. Let me pay this time."
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If I can't be part of the solution I insist on being most of the problem
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SunshineGal
journeyman
Reged: 10/08/07
Posts: 81
Loc: Southern United States
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I think that's a great idea.
In my past I've went out of my way to go by people's houses. I don't know why however, what good does it do? If they just drive by, you don't they're there anyway; Maybe I'm a stalker, LOL.
My opinion is that he's really into you but just doesn't want you to know he's THAT into you yet. ""oops, I accidentally drove by your house""" :grin:
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