JadedBliss
recently joined
Reged: 10/05/05
Posts: 4
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I confess, I'm the other woman. I have known him for over 2 years and his marriage was wrecked long before we realized how we felt. I know "We're soulmates" is a common excuse, but that is my reason. I know it's very wrong and not a day goes by that I don't geel guilty but I love him and can't just walk away. Now, they have filed for divorce. Everything is rolling in the right direction. My question is...Is he free to "see" other people without suffering financially if she finds out? I know Michigan is a no-fault state but I'm not sure what that extends to.
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Dee78
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11820
Loc: TN
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Some people will tell you know, he is still legally married and he shouldn't be dating. But hell, you've been dating for 2 years so I'm guessing the morality issue isn't a concern of his.
In a legal sense, I wouldn't risk it. If he plays his cards right, it could be over quickly but if she learns of the affair, she could drag it out for years (therefore costing ALOT of money).
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JadedBliss
recently joined
Reged: 10/05/05
Posts: 4
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We haven't been dating for 2 years, I have just known him that long. We've just recently started "acting" like a couple. She can contest the divorce, I know that much. But, will her knowledge of the affair influence division of property or custody?
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luv2boys1girl
enthusiast
Reged: 06/24/05
Posts: 317
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If the only grounds for divorce in Michigan is "no-fault" then technically, it doesn't matter who did what. But I have seen knowledge of affairs or abuse used as sort of a bargaining tool when it comes to custody/visitation and division of property and it can drag things out.
No one that I know, that I can think of right now, ever had a problem with the fact that they were dating after the paperwork was filed for the divorce. There were guidelines for the BF/GF spending the night around the kids or taking care of the kids but not the dating itself.
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passem
addict
Reged: 06/26/04
Posts: 463
Loc: Left Coast
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He's not legally free until the divorce is final. Until then, he's still legally married.
I leveraged the ex's moving her other man into her home with my two minor daughters to get settlement on my terms rather than hers.
Just a word to the wise!
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Depression is merely anger without passion!
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Miranda
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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He'll never be free. Does he have children?
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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JadedBliss
recently joined
Reged: 10/05/05
Posts: 4
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Yes, he has a son. I know his son really well and we get along just fine. Him having a son will never be a problem for me. I won't be staying at his house or moving my things in until the papers are signed. I'm not going to set myself or him up like that. I just want to make sure that if she discovers our "affair" after the paperwork has been filed, it can't be used as fault when dividing property. I guess I see it as...she found out after they filed so, it's not like it helped break down the marriage. That wasn't the reason they filed, at all.
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AnneB
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/21/05
Posts: 3645
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You don't think that someone's husband being a "soulmate" to another woman helps break down the marriage? They may have had problems, but did he do everything he could do to repair the marriage--go to counseling, communicate with his spouse what the problems were, etc.? Every marriage has problems. People with integrity work on the problems or get a divorce or at least file BEFORE they start seeing other people. Then they find their soulmate. People who are having affairs or who have found another "soulmate" would rarely be the model spouse at home--which is why it does contribute to the breakdown. IF it was that broken before you two became emotionally involved, there would already have been a divorce. IF it takes having someone else to "go to" for someone to get the courage to seek a divorce, what does that tell you about them? Just because "she" didn't know until after they filed, doesn't mean the affair didn't help break down their marriage. A person who is involved with a third party would not be the model marriage partner. If the other spouse was unhappy and thinking about leaving first, it doesn't excuse it, but it causes less damage. MANY times when people say their marriage is in trouble, they have never communicated that thought to their spouse or admitted they were unhappy. OR done anything to try to fix it. I hope you and his son continue to get along, for the child's sake. From what I have seen with affairs, rarely would both partners have agreed that their marriage was in trouble and was on the skids. Remember, unless you were her personal friend too, you only heard his side. People always tell the side that presents them in the best possible light.
Just some things for you to think about.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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Whether you want to admit it or not you are a reason for the divorce. Just becaues she can't put a name and face to you doesn't make you less of a reason. Now, that said......
If it's a no fault state then no she won't get more property because she says "he had an affair" It doesn't matter from the division of property aspect. As others said, though if she finds out that he is "seeing" someone she will no doubt still be very angry and could drag her heels agreeing to nothing, and making life a living hell. I'd personally lay low, but since you already know his son I would bet the mom is going to know about you before long anyway.
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JadedBliss
recently joined
Reged: 10/05/05
Posts: 4
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If you want to know the whole story, he did try. He stayed 10 years as she ran around on him while using his money to supply her drug habbit. She is not the model marriage partner by any means. Yes, I was her personal friend. I have known the family for a while. I was a friend to her, her husband and her children. I listened to her talk about it all the time. She refused to communicate with him because she couldn't face the fact that she, too, had done terrible things. I'm not saying he is innocent but she is not a victim by any means. Yes, I am, in part, the reason for the divorce but not because we're dating. It's because I listened to him talk his problems through. I did not twist his arm into divorcing her. I told him he had to do what he thought was right, even if it meant staying. I would have gladly walked away if there was any chance for them to work things out. I am not a typical hollywood homewrecker. I did plead with him to try one last time. She denies she did anything wrong, or, if she admits it, she wants him to just forget and pretend it didn't happen. He is sick of living the way they are. So, sure, people can blame me but I know in my heart that I did not bring this on alone.
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