kris1021
recently joined
Reged: 02/02/08
Posts: 2
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I live in NJ....I have lived here for over a year with my husband. Things have been going downhill for the last 6-8 months....he has a drinking and gambling problem that he won't get help for. I finally told him a few months ago that I couldn't take it anymore, and that I wanted a divorce so we could both move on with our lives. I told him that I wanted it to be as amicable as possible, I wasn't looking to screw him over. Neither one of us has anything of great value that the other would want. It's basically a matter of dividing up some furniture. We have no children together. I just wanted things to go as smoothly as possible. At first he agreed and things were going OK. About 3-4 weeks ago, his drinking became really out of hand and has totally changed his personality (I also think he started seeing someone - no proof, just a hunch). Anyway, he stopped his payroll direct deposit (without my prior knowledge)from going into our joint account that we used to pay the bills. He then just decided that he was leaving and went to live with his father. He seemed to think he could just pick up and walk away from the house and all the bills that come with it (we purchased the house together after we were married). I cannot afford all of the bills on my own. I spoke to a lawyer who told me that I could file for support from him - that he is still responsible for the house bills. When I told him this, he agreed to start giving me money. He gave me a few hundred dollars one time and that was it. He avoids me and always makes promises that he doesn't keep. My question is this - can I file for support without a lawyer? I need to make him responsible so they don't foreclose on the house (eventually I want to sell it, but I can't do anything without him). I am struggling right now and I really cannot afford the lawyer fees on top of all of the other debt. Also, if I file for support, will it be based on 50% of the house bills or is it based on his income? And does anyone have any idea where I could obtain these forms for NJ? I tried their website but didn't have much luck.
Thank you for any help or guidance you may be able to give me!
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Lazerus
newbie
Reged: 01/17/08
Posts: 41
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Wow...I wouldn't know where to start, but maybe you could start by seeking out help at your local church or woman's center. I know that the YMCA may be able to direct you as well. There are plenty of legal services available for people who are a bit short on funds.
The other thought is to go down to your local court house and speak directly with the court clerk for the forms you need.
Another thought would be to seek out guidance from the Department of Youth and Family Services...DYFS. While you have no children and they would not be involved, maybe they can direct you to the appropriate help.
Seek out a woman's support group in your area or I once heard that AA has some connections to guide spouses of alcoholics.
I'm here in NJ with you so if there is something I find out or if I can get you paperwork I will try to help.
Keep your chin up, there are a few things you need to know about your home situation. First...call the mortgage company, if you are on the mortgage then you can ask for a reduction in your interest rate due to hardship...they will not want to forclose on the property given the current market conditions.
Next, you can list the house for sale without your husband...you just can't close on the house without him unless he signs a quick claim deed over to you. Be wary though, if you go into contract without his signature on the contract the borrower/buyer's lender may not give the buyer a loan since they know it they need his signature.
There are ways around selling the house without him, but you will need professional help with that.
Also you do not need his permission to take an equity line against the house if you need to float yourself for a while.
Just another thought...has he been gone more than 7 days? Isn't that abandonment in this state? Anyone know for sure, even though there aren't kids?
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kris1021
recently joined
Reged: 02/02/08
Posts: 2
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Thanks for your answer! Yes, he has been gone for 3 weeks...if that is considered abandonment, what does that mean for me exactly? I do plan on caling the courthouse on Monday for more detail. I really just wanted to be amicable, but he keeps playing games and I can't deal with it anymore. I am getting stressed and he is out partying...just doesn't seem right! And I will have to call a realtor....the lawyer had mentioned that I could get a court order forcing him to sign a listing agreement....I am just trying to do as much as I can on my own, since money is tight right now. Thanks again for your response. Any other advice from anyone??
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Pops_IL_CP_Dad
addict
Reged: 02/02/08
Posts: 406
Loc: Illinois
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In Illinois, it has to be a year.
How long were you married? Do you have your own income? Do you have kids?
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Focus on what is legally relevant, not morally indignant or petty.
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"Yes, he has been gone for 3 weeks...if that is considered abandonment"
---> New Jersey is a no-fault state so wife-abandonment does not appear in the code..
If you are asking can you claim the equity in the house because he "abandoned" it; the answer is no.
In New Jersey, abandonment of an asset requires "sufficient time" (usually more than a year) in which the owner's "equity" siginificantly degraded as to be considered non-existant...
One example that the courts use as precedent is a home that was co-owned. One spouse left and never contributed to the mortgage, upkeep, taxes, etc for 10 years. The house increased in value significantly in those 10years. When the house was put on the market, the spouse that left turned up and wanted his equity share and the increase in market value; he got nothing. It was decided that his share had so degraded in value to be considered worthless..
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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Lazerus
newbie
Reged: 01/17/08
Posts: 41
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WOW! Phoenix....I know more lawyers than I care to and not one of them could site that example so readily. Kudos.
As for NJ being a no fault state, not sure but there were certain law changes between 07 and 08 that further defined what is considered no fault.
NJ is getting much tougher on the rules governing marriage, children, abuse and action...I am learning this first hand as it seems that what rules may have not applied 2 years ago when I was seeking a divorce vs. today now that I am actually going through it.
In Kris' case I can't argue with you, but there is certainly something that can be done for her to force even temporary maintenance, however the divorce has to be filed in order to ask the court for the maintenance.
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