Delta_Mom
member
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 108
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My daughters father doesn't call our daughter as much. When she was younger she used to always ask if she could call him...I would indeed let her...He would always make an excuse "my battery is going dead" I believe to get off the phone....Sometimes I believe it...sometimes I don't..She is 8 yrs old and he still use the same excuse. But now she hardly thinks to even call him..especially with her being preoccupied with things I bought her that she likes to do. I never talk bad about him to her or anything....Something I would never do even as much as I dislike him and the things he is doing....
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laurieann
member
Reged: 02/04/08
Posts: 160
Loc: Alabama
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I know how that is.
When my daughter was young she would ask to talk to "daddy". If he had a phone and I knew the number, I would give her the phone. She's almost 13 now. He's been calling for a few months. He rambles and rages and talks crazy to her. Sometimes she just sets the phone down and lets him talk to himself for a while. When she goes back to check on the phone he will still be talking away.
Recently he asked her to visit. She told him she wanted to meet in a public place. He wanted her to come to his place. She had a fit about that and told me she was "kinda" scared of him because of the way he talks to her on the phone.
Yes, they form their own opinions.
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lovinmykids
old hand
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
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Yes they do form their own opinions.
My son use to look forward to his dad's calls. He would call his dad at least twice a week.
Now at 12 years old he knows his dad only IF he is returning one of my son's calls. If because he rarely returns them.
My son will go a month or 2 without calling his dad. I say "shouldn't you call your dad" and he says "why we have a phone and he never calls it". My son only ends up calling when he can't stand being away from his brothers any longer and he makes it clear.
His dad's last excuse was "I have called 30 times in the last week" and my sons reply was "we have caller id and voicemail. Your number didn't show and no messages so whatever".
Again they do form their own opinions because with all the excuses I make for my son's dad he still has relized how he is.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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My son certainly has formed an opinion of his Mom. He never wants to speak to her again. I wonder if the punishment is enough for her ? My daughter says she cries almost every time she talks about it...
I want to make sure every one of her friends knows for sure that her own son will not evern spend one second with her...The humiliation for her will make me glow with pride.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Delta_Mom
member
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 108
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Some updated information. Recently I wanted to talk to her about her daddy to see how she was feeling. She has went 2 months without talking to him. He finally calls on day and she was happy to hear from him. After they had their conversation. I decided to have a one on one and asked her how does she feel about her dad not calling as much she says, "She wish he would call more often" then I told her why don't she just tell him. She says,"she's afraid she may hurt his feelings" so I said, "ok". Then I asked her do she think about him a lot when he doesn't call she says, "No. I just forget about him". What am I to say about that one.
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2Gr8Kdz84
newbie
Reged: 02/23/08
Posts: 37
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You could say "You put him out of your mind because it hurts when he doesn't call. He is your father. He's not perfect, but we all have faults. I'm sure he loves you even when he's not calling."
yregna's reply is the mentality that only hurts the children. Don't listen to it - your child deserves better. I'm not justifying your daughter's father's action, they are INEXCUSABLE, but your daughter should not be a pawn in the game.
10 or 20 years from now, she'll appreciate your words of support.
If he "comes around" she'll having a healthy relationship with him and thank you for it
If he doesn't, she'll be comfortable knowing she gave her father every chance and she'll thank you for being a great mom.
Good luck.
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Delta_Mom
member
Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 108
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2Gr8Kdz84...
Thanks you for the reply... I will think on this that you said, it does sound like the right thing to say but I want to make sure before I say this to her.
Edited by Delta_Mom (03/18/08 09:38 PM)
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092895
enthusiast
Reged: 04/03/08
Posts: 226
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I have told my son that I don't understand why his Dad does what he does, and I want even try to explain it. Bottom line is I can't make up for what he's Dad does or doesn't do.
I can tell him that his Dad loves him, but I just don't understand why he does what he does. That's the truth. They do form their own opinions.
Have I been upset with his Dad? Yes, many times, but I have explained to my son that when his Dad's does things that hurt him it hurts me, because I love him. I try really hard to stay out of it now, it serves no purpose. My son has a stable home life and I just think at this point and time he doesn't want to rock the boat. I really think he want's to see his Dad, but doesn't want to get caught up in his drama and problems. This is a child and he should be able to enjoy that without all of his Dad's baggage.
I have come to the conclusion that the problems between he and his Dad are between he and his Dad. I can't fix it!! They will have to come to their own resolve.
As Mother's it is just in us to try to fix things for our children, but at some point our children do learn that we can't fix everything.
My son loves his Dad and I have always told him that he should love us both equally. His Dad has always made it a competition and made him feel like he wasn't supposed to love me or atleast love him more. I hate to say this and by no means does it make me happy, but it is biting his Dad in the butt. My son is at the age where he understands manipulation and knows what his Dad tries to do.
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sharen143
newbie
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 28
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i really agree with what 2Gr8Kdz84 said. coming from a divorced adult of divorced parents, i can't tell you how lacking my relationship with my father is now. he missed visits when i was younger all the time and never called. finally he just stopped seeing us at all. my mother was OVERLY bitter and made it clear she didn't think he loved my sister and i. i grew up believing that and have a deep distance for him now even though he's really trying to be a part of my life these days. i can't say my parents did anything wrong because i see how easy it is to get frustrated with your ex when you see your children hurting but i know there are times he is frustrated with me as well. i would hope that if i made a mistake he would reassure them that i loved them and i'm human. good luck to you.
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