StuckDad
recently joined
Reged: 02/08/08
Posts: 12
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My wife and I are in separate beds in the same house. Some days are painful, literally. I'm getting my heart checked out today due to repeated chest pain. Other days I'm numb. I'm rarely happy, but if I am, it's due to friends or family trying to distract me. I know no one knows me and my situation, but what did/do you use to make that final move?
Stuck
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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My breaking point was when it was more painful to be with him than without. It is a hard step to take, but in my case it released me. No one can tell you when to do it. Its different for everyone.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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kschnitz
newbie
Reged: 02/20/07
Posts: 36
Loc: Texas
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You're started on a right track. Take care of yourself medically, take care of yourself mentally (see a therapist with or without your wife) and take care of yourself legally...see a lawyer. When you've done these things the answer to yourself will be a lot clearer and you will be able to go forward with the confidence that you've made the right choice to stay or leave.
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SuperCat
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StuckDad
recently joined
Reged: 02/08/08
Posts: 12
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Many people suggest a therapist/counselor. I feel like it would be a waste of money to have someone tell me what I already know. Can we do a quick tally of people on here? Has a therapist/counselor been good or bad/worthless for you?
Stuck
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kmich91261
member
Reged: 01/15/08
Posts: 119
Loc: Washington, USA
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Mine was good however bad at the same time (not the counselor's fault). STBX told the counselor right out she didn't need to change...end of story. The good part is that it made me wake up to the fact that STBX had no intention to make the marriage work even though STBX said time and time again that she wanted the marriage to work.
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"Get busy living or get busy dying." Shawshank Redemption
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StuckDad
recently joined
Reged: 02/08/08
Posts: 12
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I didn't die during the stress test, so I think I'm healthy. Doc still has to give his opinion. But the physical and emotional pain is too much. I just gave the lawyer a chunk of money for a retainer. A divorce petition is next I guess. Legal stuff and heartache for everyone is ahead.
Stuck
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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It REALLY helps to have a third party listen to what is going on, and give advice. Especially if that third party has some training in psychological issues.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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SCgirl
enthusiast
Reged: 01/27/08
Posts: 334
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[quote]My breaking point was when it was more painful to be with him than without.[/quote]
I second that statement wholeheartedly. When you are home at night and hear the garage door open and your gut "clenches" and your children run off to their bedrooms, you know, "it's time".
Like you Stuck, we were also in separate bedrooms and living separate lives. One day a lightbulb went off in my head. I had always felt that we were staying together for the children and it HAD to be that way but I realized that this was a very unhealthy and stressful environment for the children to be raised in. Also, I realized that this life that I'm living is not a "dress rehearsal" and we can take the steps to make it what we want and choose to be happy. So that's what I did.
Granted, divorce is an often painful, messy, stressful roller coaster ride but it was like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders when he moved out and worth every bit turmoil that I have had to endure. I started sleeping through the night again. The children are much happier also and so far have been taking things very well.
It has helped to have a close friend to confide in and I have also been to therapy. It has been worth every penny and really has helped me to put things into perspective and learn to deal with the ups and downs. Just be sure to know that all therapists are not created equal. Ask around for referrals or ask your family Dr for a couple of names. Sometimes, you have to try more than one before you have the right "fit".
Good Luck StuckDad, I feel for you.
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StuckDad
recently joined
Reged: 02/08/08
Posts: 12
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Thanks all. I signed the petition this morning. She'll be served early next week. I forsee a terrible weekend ahead. Not just the weekend though I guess. Looking forward to the weight being off some day.
Anyone willing to pray for an anonymous guy, feel free. :)
Stuck
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StuckDad
recently joined
Reged: 02/08/08
Posts: 12
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I told her I filed for divorce and she would soon be served. She told me she was about to file for separation herself. Still ugly. Kids took it as well as they could have.
Stuck
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