Jaysmom
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 15
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I am separated from my husband of 16 years. He was, and continues to be, emotionally abusive and controlling. He moved out of the house, but comes in almost daily whenI am not home. I have 7 year old son and my husband is pressing for primary custody. I think he just wants more money. I will have to pay him support when we get divorced because I make so much more money than he does. He created a lot of marital debt that I cannot resolve in a bankruptcy. I have to pay it or get in trouble at work (I work for the Federal government). The whole thing is so painful. I kow getting a divorce is the right thing, but I underestimated how nasty my husband is.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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If he moved out, you have every right to change the locks. And if when he moved, he left both you and his son, he's lessened his chances for primary custody, since the child is living with you and the court will usually keep it that way.
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Char Fox
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Jaysmom
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 15
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Thank you for the feedback. I spoke with the custody evaluator today. My husband has nothing in his favor, but he still creeps me out.
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joan
enthusiast
Reged: 09/24/04
Posts: 248
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I am with you with feeling overwhelmed. I am also a Federal employee and although my stbx has made more than be throughout the marriage, he just lost his job last month and because of his age (he's 61)I'm concerned he will request alimony from me. We are splitting the assets 50/50 and he will also get 1/2 of my retirement. We have been separated for 2 1/2 years and he has been jerking me around and dragging out the divorce. I just want to get it done at this point. He is very passive/aggressive which is very stressful.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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If he's been working, losing his job now won't entitled him to alimony. As well, he may end up owing YOU alimony, since he has a history of higher earnings. And at 61, I'm assuming he also has some type of retirement? They would both be split then. If you have evidence that you've been separated longer than he has been out of work, that too will play against his getting alimony.
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Char Fox
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Jaysmom
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/05
Posts: 15
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I totally understand what you are feeling. I will have to pay my husband support and he told me he will "take me for all he can." I want this all to be over too. I thought making the decision to do it was the hardest thing I ever did because I had to admit that I made a tremendous error in judgement marrying and staying married to him. But he continues to prove to me that I didn't have a clue about how truly nasty he really is.
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Snappy
recently joined
Reged: 10/21/05
Posts: 13
Loc: virginia
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I have been legally divorced a little over 2 years, i was married 13yrs, anyways am i still intitled to part of his retirement? Wondering since i have the 4 kids and he lost his job with the state, and he only has to pay me 65.00 a month in support...i need everything i can get!!!
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Uh...get up off your ..., and support YOUR kids.....
Have a Good Day.....Snappy
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Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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If you are federal employees and are still married without a legal document for separation and contribute to TSP ask you attorney if you can stop participating. My co-worker was able to do that because she was afraid that continually adding to TSP would give them more assets when the divorce was final..she was able to put it in a separate acct once it was legally determined that he had left. Check into it so you don't have to worry about that
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