moonshadow0922
newbie
Reged: 08/16/05
Posts: 40
Loc: Maryland
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Greetings all!
As are many, I am new here....I have a question about my house. I have been a stay at home mom of 4 for 17 years. The kids are 17, 15, 12, and 5. I want to divorce my husband ( many reasons but mainly I just can't handle his insecurity anymore. I have been a very monogamous wife and accussed of wanting/doing everyone ) Anyway, We bought our home 8 years ago. We owe $ 150,000 on the mortgage. He refuses to move, so I am moving. I have been looking for a job, and found one. I will be starting in a few weeks. We are NOT selling the house, so how do I figure out what he should pay me as a buy out? I can not afford a lawyer, and I am getting all kinds of answers from friends. One says that if the house appraises at $300,000 and we owe $150,000, then I am entitled to the $150,000 in equity ...... another friend said that is true BUT I have to pay half the balance on the existing mortgage. THis does not seem right, because HE will still be living here and will be entitled to collect later if he choses to sell....so, Can someone lead me in the right direction? We need to settle this part of seperating first, as I have nothing at all in my name as far as savings go...and I will need to buy a car and a small place for me and the kids ( which we will have joint custody of ) Thanks for any and all responses!
~ams
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Unless there is physical abuse, my advice is NOT to move out. Go to an attorney and file for divorce. Once I did that, we had a temp hearing within a few weeks. I am in OH and if you were or are here, 1/2 of the debt, and also 1/2 of the equity is yours.
When ex and I separated, we both heard all kinds of conflicting info from well meaning folks. Many cases are not the same however. My best advice is get to an attorney and find out what your legal rights are before you move out.
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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TGSM
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 02/06/05
Posts: 5843
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You have a long road to hoe and I hope you are completely sure of your choice (I mean that in a very kind way LOL)
I am not sure what state you are in as that will have some bearing on your situation.
If it is a community property state, then you will be entitled to 1/2 the equity in the home(as well as 1/2 of any other marital assets.) He will have to arrange to refinance and buy you out. Once that occurs, you perform a deed transfer. The equity can be split and then he is assuming the debt from that point.
You may also have to handle your 1/2 of the debt either from out of the equity owed you or you can make your own arrangements.
With four minor children, you will entitled to child support, most likely a large amount depending on his income.
Having been a SAHM for 17 years you can probably make a good case for rehabilitative alimony in order to assist with getting back into the workforce. 1/2 the life of the marriage is a good yard stick for length...amount? Totally at the judges discretion. It will also depend upon your skills and positions held prior to staying home, etc.
Considering the amount of money this is going to cost your STBX, be prepared for this to get very nasty. He may even attempt to avoid to pay or pay late, etc. Please don't get yourself into a position where you depend on him for survival. Try to make sure you have the means and or family support to provide for yourself and the kids. JMHO
Good luck...you definately need a lawyer!!
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Faith-a f*rm belief in something for which there is no proof...complete trust.~Merriam Webster
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Cinder2
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4361
Loc: Southern California
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Dear MoonShadow,
To answer your equity question, if everything was fair and balanced, you would each get half the equity in the house. If the equity was $150000, you would each get $75000. Usually this is achieved by one person refinancing and buying the other one out or making some other kind of deal with assets. My ex took our stock and savings plan while I took the house and it worked out pretty evenly.
Considering that there is a lot of money at stake, including a lot of alimony and child support, I would suggest that you get a lawyer immediately. Unless your ex and you are extraordinarily fair, you are probably in for a long battle.
Good Luck
Cinder
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moonshadow0922
newbie
Reged: 08/16/05
Posts: 40
Loc: Maryland
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I guess I must have misunderstood what I read...I thought since I stayed at home all these years, and that HE was STAYING in the house and retaining all the value and future equity, that I would get half of appraised value WITHOUT paying into what we already owe. Am I wrong? I can NOT AFFORD a Lawyer.....We are gonna try to do this ourselves, and Im doing all the research since he is not much on the computer and hasn't any time...... THank you all for your adivce...it is very appreciated!!!
Oh...BTW...I live in Maryland
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moonshadow0922
newbie
Reged: 08/16/05
Posts: 40
Loc: Maryland
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Oh yeah.....May I post the letter I wrote to give to stbx .....it is short but defines what I want and I think it is a very fair deal....I would very much value others ideas and opinions......PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THO, that I am VERY MUCH trying to be FAIR and DECENT....I do NOT want to take him to the cleaners just becasue I may be entitled to. Here it is:
OUR SEPERATION OPTIONS
HOUSE
Refinance: Get 1-3 appraisals and take an average. I am entitled to be paid off since I am the one leaving. The amount that I am legally entitled to is HALF of the APPRAISED value. For example, if the house appraises at $280,000.00, I am to be paid off $140,000.00. This removes my name from any future equity on the house. It also makes you the sole owner. You will have property. You will have the tax credits every year. You will get the full value when/if you sell later, with no more being owed to me.
In regards to the house, I have a few requests. Would you allow me storage here ( Attic, storage closet, basement, etc….) until I have a place that will accommodate my things?
Also, I would like the first option to buy the house if you ever choose to sell.
PENSION / ANNUITY
Legally, I am entitled to half of the Pension and the Annuity. There are two options here. One, to pay me off now with a fair percentage or Two, let it all ride and I get mine at retirement age just as you do. This may be negotiable depending on how you want to work things.
HOUSEHOLD ITEMS
Whatever we each came into the relationship with, is our own. What we accumulated together thru our own money, we split. What ever was given to us by OUR OWN family, is our own as well. As for dividing our things, we will have to remain fair about.
(example……………the dinner dishes are mine as they were a birthday present from Mom and Doug and Mimi. However, I would divide them in half so as to not leave you with out any dishes. )
VEHICLES
We can remove my name from your truck. If you want, I will sign the suburban over to you to use as the family car. HOWEVER, I need transportation until I can get a car. I will need to use the sub. until that point, then I will sign over to you.
KIDS
I attached to this letter a copy from a Lawyer that defines all the different types of custody. This is to make you aware of all that is out there, since I have more research time than you.
I think it is in the best interest of all if we decide to have joint LEGAL custody. This will assure that if there is a big decision to make for one of the kids, that we BOTH have to make it together.
Here are two options that I feel would be fair to ALL of us if we can agree upon one of them.
OPTION A
Ross takes physical custody of the boys. Angie takes physical custody of Sara.
Visitation would be liberal, and inclusive of all children so that they may still interact with each other in a healthy way. An example would be: I have Sara and you have the boys. On Wed. night, you may want to have Sara with you and the boys from the time you get home from work until either later that night or next morning. On Thursday night, I would get the boys with me and Sara and keep until late or next morning. Weekends may start on Friday night, and continue thru to Sunday night. Weekends would be inclusive of ALL the kids. We would rotate every weekend.
OPTION B
We SHARE custody of ALL kids, but same living arrangements as listed above. I feel this is in Sara’s best interest. She does not need to be around her teenage brothers 24/7. She also is accustomed to being with me for the most part, and a little girl belongs with her mother. So, basically, I’m asking for the same thing in both options, but what we are calling it is the only difference. Again, attached you will find the legal terminology of what is meant by “physical” and “shared” custody.
If we can agree to one of these options, I will not ask for alimony. I will also not ask for child support in traditional way. I WILL however ask for help around the holidays, their birthdays, back to school shopping, Extra curricular activities, and any other “special” event that comes up that I may need help with.
I think you will find that I am being very fair with everything. I have done a lot of research thru the Md. Law Library, and I know that I am entitled to a LOT more than this. However, I know how bad I have hurt you, and it is NOT my will to keep “twisting the knife.” The hurt is inevitable for both of us, but I really do want to lessen the financial burden on both of us the best that I can. I hope you can see this as well.
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Cinder2
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4361
Loc: Southern California
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Dear Moonshadow,
I really think you ought to get a lawyer. Your letter shows some ignorance as to what you are entitled to. (please don't take that the wrong way)
You are entitled to half the assets of the marriage. You are also responsible for half the liabilities. That means that you cannot get half the appraised value of the house because it is not worth the "appraised value". It's value is the appraised value minus the mortgage.
Secondly, I think that you should probably get spousal support, which your letter does not address at all. And you haven't addressed child support as well.
Cinder
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amyleigh
newbie
Reged: 08/12/06
Posts: 28
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Do you really want to split up your children that way? That seems like it would be so difficult for them. The less change the better. I'm going through a horrible divorce and dealing with the lawyers is worse than dealing with the stbx--who is also a lawyer. You have to be VERY careful because whatever you decide will dictate in many way the future course of events for you and your children. Getting competent legal advice would likely pay off in your situation. Also regarding the house, if you talk with a real estate agent who has worked with divorcing people, they can show you how the equity should be equally divided. I got more advice for free from the real estate person than I did from the $500/hour lawyer. Of course, they will want to list your house and it sounds like your husband is hanging on to it but they still might help thinking it would be a future listing for them and that they might be able to secure a house for you.
GOOD LUCK!!!
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