youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Since the deaths of my parents, some holidays have been hard, some have been easy. I've found that I HATE Thanksgiving. That's the week both my parents went into the hospital (mom in 2001, dad in 2005) only to die there. It's also the week that started my cancer scare that lead to my hysterectomy (in 2006).
Christmas of this year was finally a good one. I had struggled a LONG time to find joy in that time of year again. Even when I posted pictures here a lot of you mentioned how happy I looked. And I was.
This summer has been hard. I've never missed my kids before when they were with their dad. I think a lot of that is the change in the relationship Ex and I have now, as compared to other summers.
Today started out innocently enough. I went to church, and then to my grandparents house to give my grandfather his card and present. Daughter was there b/c she'd spent the night last night (an all-together WAY too frequent thing as of late, IMO). So, I got to see Daughter and give her the gift I brought her from Dallas last weekend, and then Ex showed up with Son, so I got to give him (Son) the gift I brought him from Dallas. Ex was REALLY friendly. It was like old times, so THAT was great. I was talking to my grandmother about Cousin going with kids and I to a baseball game on the 4th of July and how I need to know now if she's going b/c I need to buy tickets tomorrow, and he said that he would call first thing in the morning to see if he can get me free tickets (his friend owns the team). So, that was really nice.
But, church was hard. I notice it more and more lately...couples everywhere. Husbands and wives, young adults and their spouse there with their parents. Families. Which I don't have. And it hurts sometimes. Today it hurt a lot. Yes, I have my grandparents, but I've also lost them a lot too. My grandfather's dementia gets worse and worse. Today he had to read the card I got him about 10 times. And he had to ask where Son was about 5. Some of his days are good. Today wasn't.
I wanted to spend the afternoon at my grandparent's house, but found myself leaving after less than an hour because I was fighting a panic attack. I came home and have laid around and slept and watched tv all day. I've gotten nothing accomplished.
I guess it's just sad, and I needed to relate. I hope everyone else had a better day.
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JulieLynn
veteran
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 1211
Loc: KY gal in Indiana
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I'm so sorry and I can't even fathom your feelings, it must be so hard ... big hugs!
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Have a great day!!
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Runswithscissors
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 05/29/04
Posts: 13381
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i'm sorry!! I don't know the feelings, but I understand the hurt. Today is my hubby's father's bday and of course father's day and he's having a hard time. It's been 2 years that his father passed.
I cooked for him and his mother today and we went over to her house to stay with her to keep her company.
The pain is hard and I will be thinking of you. I'm fortunate enough to still have both my parents, so I just can't fathom the pain. Just know I am thinking of you and wish you positive vibes.
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rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
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Sorry you are having such a rough day.. my dad passed away over 20 years ago.. but Mother's Day was bad... especially since my mom just passed away in March so I know how you are feeling.
Just love and see your grandparents as much as you possibly can and make sure they know how much they mean to you. I sure wish I had one more day w/my mom to tell her how much she meant to me.
(((HUGS)))
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Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
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asurvivor
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 3410
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I know your pain. Yesterday will be the last father's day with my Dad as he has lung cancer! He tried to fight the pain and put up a happy go lucky front but KIND OF HARD TO DO IN THAT STATE. VERY HEART WRENCHING.
Hugs to you! Stay strong.
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PrincessJ
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/25/07
Posts: 7176
Loc: 39.10 degrees North 94.58 degr...
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I'm sorry it was tough for you.
:-/
My dad passed away 18 years ago but I never really "struggled" with Father's Day. I guess I tried to remember all the great things about him and having lost him, I appreciated everything he did even more.
:-)
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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
--Jack Handey
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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I skipped church... I can only stand to hear some much on the subject of "father's day", and how wonderful fathers are, bla, bla, bla.
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