youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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I've been dating Boyfriend for 9 1/2 months. Things started out GREAT. We had both been divorced for about 3 years. We each have two kids from our marriage. We live about 30 minutes apart...him in my hometown, me in the town I've lived virtually all my adult life. I am now 31, he is now 33.
Our custody orders differ. He has 50/50 custody; he has the kids one week, their mother has them the next week. In my situation, I have physical custody of the kids from one week prior to school beginning until one week after school ends. Ex has the kids in the summer, and we alternate weekends and holidays all year long.
About a month after we began dating, we met each other's kids. The kids got along immediately, especially our boys who are about a year apart. We never spent all our time together. But, we did immediately begin spending our kid-free weekends together. Weekends when we have kids, we might spend time doing something together, but more often, we did our own thing with our own kids because like most kids, they keep us pretty busy.
About 3 months in, something changed. He started being really distant. And, right after Christmas, we discussed that it just wasn't working, and we needed to end things. But, that very weekend, he called me after a night of drinking, and I made him stay here rather than drive. For the record, he'd NEVER done that before. It's out of character for him. To my amusement, he was sick all night from his...evening of fun. Yeah, I'm mean for being amused, but I was pretty ticked at him.
The next day, we patched things up. We both wanted to be together, even if that meant we had baggage. The next few months were PERFECT. We spent a lot of time doing remodel projects on his home together. We spent a lot of time together period. At this point, we had a "schedule" of sorts...he would call me in the mornings and again after he got off work. And we would chat at night online after we got our kids to bed until we went to bed.
In April, something changed again. He started being more distant again. He went on a trip to Cozumel with a friend (no biggie, he's a HUGE scuba diver). That was one of our kid-free weekends. So, we didn't see each other the weekend before, we didn't see each other that weekend and we didn't see each other the weekend after that.
The next weekend we were kid-free was Memorial Day weekend. I was invited by some friend's to go to the lake, but turned them down because, as I told them, I really want to spend some time with J this weekend. But, two days before the weekend (too late for me to go to the lake), J tells me that he's going to his sister's to do some work for her. (She owns a business, and he does all their computer stuff). I was really disappointed, but understood. I wasn't invited, but have never met his sister, and he was going to be working, so I wouldn't have wanted to go. I was bummed, but okay with it. Until he came home with a sunburn, and it came out that he was at the lake most of the weekend on the jet skis. Him, his sister, her husband. Did I mention it's been 9 months at this point, and I haven't met the sister...or his mother?
I choose to go with a friend out of town our next kid-free weekend, which had been planned about 6-weeks prior. This weekend, (kid-free weekend), he chose to go back to his sister's to do more "work" for her. I actually have my kids over 4th of July weekend, which is supposed to be our kid-free weekend, because of the holiday, so I asked him if he wants to go to a ballgame with us that night,and he said, "no, I think I'm going to go back to my sister's house that weekend.
I'm just done, I think. I love this man. I love what we have when we're together. But, I think I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love him. And I think it's obvious he doesn't love me. And that he's not headed in that direction. He should be back from his sister's house tonight sometime, and I think I'm going to drive out there and end things. It's either tonight or wait until NEXT week sometime when he's kid-free again.
Guess I'm just sad and needing a little support and/or comfort.
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arvm
journeyman
Reged: 05/05/07
Posts: 88
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up. I really hope that you'll be able to move on and find whatever it is you're looking for and need. Seriously, good thoughts and warm wishes to you.
The support I would give my girlfriend's at home would be "its not you, its him. Cut him loose. Good riddance to the Mama's Boy (or in this case the Sissy Boy). There's more fish in the sea. Let's go dance." Uhhm, I'm actually trying to be supportive, some people get my sense of humor, some don't. I hope I didn't offend you. My mantra is that life's too short to be miserable, go enjoy it.
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Actually, I'm laughing my ass off right now. Thank you.
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arvm
journeyman
Reged: 05/05/07
Posts: 88
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I endeavor to be entertaining.
Seriously, I don't do well with deep emotions, I tend to make light of everything and sometimes, I'm the only one who thinks I'm funny.
But, hey laughing's good.
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matilda
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 2087
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I can definitely see going over to his place if you have possessions there. I'm the type that wouldn't go over to his house to end it, I would just stop calling him. I would just keep busy and not worry about him. If he calls and apologizes then you could decide how you want to handle it.
If you really love him, then I'd give him his space and see if he comes back to you. You know the old saying, If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, if not, it never was.
You have to decide for yourself if you just need to end it for your emotional sanity or wait and see what happens.
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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Good call.
Never, EVER, settle. EVER.
Some guy who goes off on cool trips (fine....sometimes. All the time? Nah.), and only comes knocking on your door when he doesn't have something "better" to do? No thanks.
Someday he'll find someone he wants to chase around and pant over. Since that person isn't you, I figure you're better off cutting him loose....rather than waiting around to get dumped when he does happen across his future chasee.
In the meantime, you're closed off to the person who DOES want to chase you around and pant over YOU. Free yourself up!
Breaking up sucks. But think about how much easier it will be for you do to since you look hot today.
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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That's what I've kinda been doing...waiting for him. And I guess the answer is that for me...I can't do it anymore. I'm really happy with my life right now in every other area..and I guess the answer is that I want more than this from a romantic relationship.
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katiefedup
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/26/05
Posts: 11669
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my motto...I will never love a man more than he loves me, or at least I won't be with him anymore
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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LOL...you just made me smile. Thank you.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30195
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...to work, but from a GUYS perspective, have you TOLD him that this bothers you? Have you TOLD him that you make plans to spend time together, and he cancels, and it angers you? Have you ASKED to meet his family? Maybe he is EMBARRASSED about them?
Sorry, it seems like he is doing stuff, it bothers you, and instead of TELLING him it bothers you, you want to end the relationship.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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