roadracer
recently joined
Reged: 07/15/08
Posts: 16
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I've posted the background elsewhere, but will post here too. In talking to my attorney, I understand I have at best only a slight chance at getting joint custody since wife doesn't agree to sole custody of our children. South Carolina law likes to decide a sole custodian, which is usually the mother.
The court's reasoning is that the mother spends the preponderance of time with the children and is therefore their primary caregiver.
In my case, I have been in graduate school 2 of the 4 years we've been married (I am now through school with a diploma), and have had to take an 18-month night course after work for my job following graduate school (worked 10-12 hour days, then took this graduate-level course). As a result of doing what is necessary to further my career (and therefore support a family), I have not been able to spend nearly as much time with kids as my wife has.
The court believes, therefore, she should have sole custody.
Sole custody to make all the decisions regarding their lives (despite her demonstrated lack of responsibility and common sense.) I disagree--I am their dad and I deserve a role in ALL decisions (above small daily things) that affect their lives. I deserve access to their education/grades and related decisions, and everything about their lives.
I resent this greatly. I have been responsible and demonstrated good judgment (with the possible exception of marrying my wife) for my entire life. Never got pregnant as a teen and had an abortion, never rolled a vehicle, never got one speeding ticket (much less 4 of them in the past 2 years, plus two accidents in the past 2 years). Didn't have a child with someone I wasn't married to, either (he doesn't pay child support.)
The thought that the court would award custody to a woman like this amazes me. Is there anything that can be done? Despite her irresponsibility, I can't prove she is an unfit mother. I'm certainly not an unfit father.
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Hulk
journeyman
Reged: 11/02/07
Posts: 80
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Your subject line is very appropriate to the plight of Fathers everywhere.
This post is more concise than your other posts, but does not change our replies given to you in the Custody forum unless you can get something from the military stating that you will not be leaving your current post for the rest of your term with the military.
Still that long post called, "The List," is your first step to know and to understand what steps you should be taking.
We don't, and very few Fathers/Mens Rights group believe in sole custody. All the studies show that children raised by both parents as equally as possible fair only slightly worse than intact families.
The courts, since the early 1900's have historically given custody to the mother based upon false pretenses such as the "tender years doctrine" which was overturned by the Supreme Court decades ago.
Most every state will allow and state that they encourage joint custody and that is a misnomer because in reality, they normally order physical custody to the mother and vistitation (some states change this word to make it more palatable, but the results are not changed) to the Father with every other weekend and maybe an evening tossed in there, too.
As a male, you have a long, uphill battle and it sounds to me that you are already 10 steps behind her. So, you have to get on top of that List and start implementing the procedures found in there.
In other words, there is no magical pill or words that can help you just because as with the millions of other Fathers that refuse to get involved in helping change the system, you are just finding out how difficult it is for Fathers to have equal access to their children. Now that you know, get involved and join any group that you believe in to fight these atrocities. If you do, you will find that you will get further ahead in your endeavors to Equal Shared Parenting (ESP) for many different reasons. But, mostly as you help, you will learn and you will learn from what your group posts and what your members advise since they will take more of an interest in you as you help fight the tyranny of the black robes of injustice.
There are 2 sites that we know of (of many) that offer packages of information to help you in your circumstances. They are and in order of what we think they offer is the best:
www.ANCPR.com
www.ACFC.org
The package of information is inexpensive. I think about $20 and well worth it.
You also need to read every post by us in this Men's Rights forum. Go back to the very first post by SuperEric and read forward to the current. Ignore the hogwash by the femin azis. But, because there is so much crap from the PIGS, you can see how intent and powerful they are to discredit others via their lies, you will need to skip of their comments that never have any substance-just denigrating character since they have nothing to counter what is stated. You will encounter this in court, too including the people that supposedly are be be non-biased, such as the judge and GAL.
Once you accomplish the above, get back to us if you have any specific questions on something to proceed with such as how to word a modification, how to respond to filings and etc.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Each state has their own law regarding presumptions that apply to custody. Many states have a presumption for sole physical custody to one party. I find no presumptions one way or another under South Carolina law. That may provide you with a basis to appeal the ruling is the Judge opined that such a presumption exists. You should consult with local counsel. That is not to say, that you do not face significant hurdles.
Ultimately, when a decision must be made, a court considers the totality of the circumstances and makes a determination as to what is in the child's best interests. If you have been occupied with other things so that the mother has provided the majority of the child care, that would certainly be a significant factor in her favor. You may certanly argue that she is an inappropriate parent. However, the hurdle you must overcome is why you did not believe she was an inappropriate parent during the marriage while you were preoccupied with work and school. If she took care of the children then, claiming she is unstable now may smack of opportunistic arguments. It certainly weakens your case significantly.
"South Carolina Statutes offer no greater guidance. For custody matters, they state as follows:
SECTION 20-3-160. Care, custody and maintenance of children.
In any action for divorce from the bonds of matrimony the court may at any stage of the cause, or from time to time after final judgment, make such orders touching the care, custody and maintenance of the children of the marriage and what, if any, security shall be given for the same as from the circumstances of the parties and the nature of the case and the best spiritual as well as other interests of the children may be fit, equitable and just."
There is no doubt that what has happened in the past with regard to parenting can have a significant and compelling impact on a court when deciding what should occur in the future.
I agree that there should be a legal presumption for jint custody. That, however, has not been a position embraced by most state legislatures. Until the law changes to level the playing field, you must go to court equipped to argue that joint custody is in the best interests of they child. In your case, an independent custody evaluator supporting such a conclusion would be critical.
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CTPadre
member
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 161
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NM
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roadracer
recently joined
Reged: 07/15/08
Posts: 16
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Thanks, guys. It is unbelievable how the court is so biased. I'm going to have to lay low for awhile and spend more time with the kids. Not sure how long I'll have to do this, but suspect it will be a number of years of keeping records, etc. Wife doesn't really spend all that much time with the kids... she comes home and sits in front of the computer at night to play games, while the kids play in their rooms.
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