Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online


Divorce Source Community Forums >> Helping Your Child(ren)

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1
CA44
recently joined


Reged: 07/19/08
Posts: 11
Meeting his son for the first time
      #456262 - 09/30/08 04:59 AM

Hi All,
My boyfriend is recently divorced, and has a three-year-old adorable son who he sees every other weekend and one night per week.
We don't hang out on the nights he has his son since his child has not met me yet, and I also know how important it is for them to have their one-on-one time (they adore each other, it's so cute!).
Here is my question: when the time does come to meet him, is there anything special I can do to make the meeting go smoothly? I am trying to be sensitive to a 3-year-old's feelings and I therefore don't want to risk doing anything to upset or confuse him - any suggestions?
I have already bought him a couple gifts (he doesn't know they are from me specifically, just from "Daddy's friend") so I know that once he finds out it is ME who is the friend, it can be a jumping off point...
Knowing how fragile and precious children are, I just want to make sure I do this the right way.
Any advice?


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
asurvivor
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/14/05
Posts: 3410
Re: Meeting his son for the first time [Re: CA44]
      #456294 - 09/30/08 08:46 AM

Your a daddy's friend, so be a friend who is kind and caring!

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
MsPsychotic
recently joined


Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 14
Loc: Washington
Re: Meeting his son for the first time [Re: CA44]
      #456363 - 09/30/08 11:31 AM

After my divorce, I met someone after a year or so, my son was 4yo. He was still having troubles dealing with his father not being around. So I didn't want to bring my BF home or even leave my son with a babysitter so I could go out a lot. We'd get together on the weekends, when my son was with his father.
After 6 months, my BF wanted to meet my son. So, we met at a park/playground. They were introduced as "This is my son.. and this is my friend." We limited our PDA to just hand holding. At the end of the day, my son gave my BF a big hug.. so I did too. This is how it went for a while.

I ended up marrying my BF three years later, so he has always been a constant person in my sons life since the divorce.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
CA44
recently joined


Reged: 07/19/08
Posts: 11
Re: Meeting his son for the first time [Re: MsPsychotic]
      #458010 - 10/05/08 02:20 AM

Thank you both for your responses.

It is interesting, as soon as my boyfriend got the E-mail asking if I could drop some of the food off on the day he had his son, he said it would have been fine had I come over and even come in for a few seconds to meet him - I was certainly pleasantly surprised!

I then called my boyfriend today to ask a quick question, and he had his son answer the phone and ask "what's your name" in the cutest little three-year-old voice you can imagine - I just about melted into a puddle!

I guess this means he is feeling more comfortable with the idea of my eventually meeting his son, which is a good thing.

I thank all of you who read this and provided a response, I will keep you posted as to what happens!


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Re: Meeting his son for the first time [Re: CA44]
      #458046 - 10/05/08 12:24 PM

One thing you'll have to keep in mind is your bf's relationship with his x. Do they seem to get along or is there a lot of animosity. The reason I bring this up is that once you meet his son your relationship becomes open to his x. Please understand that I am not trying to be negative, but a lot of women tend to focus on being nervous over meeting the children and forget the children have a mother who may not be appreciative of their existence!

I had a bf after my divorce who had a wonderful x. She and I got along and she had no problem with me being with her kids (who were older than your bf's son). Of course they had been divorced for 7 years and she was about to get married so that probably helped. I have no problems with my x's wife. I couldn't have handpicked a better SM. She and I have become close friends, even so there were problems in the beginning. Just be prepared and be realistic.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
CA44
recently joined


Reged: 07/19/08
Posts: 11
Re: Meeting his son for the first time [Re: Debi]
      #458228 - 10/05/08 09:18 PM

Hi Debi,

I really appreciate your advice, and you are right on with what you said.

He and his ex have a lot of animosity towards one another (he only wants to have a "co-parent" relationsip with her and nothing further for now).

She actually does know about my existence in his life, but found out quite by accident - we were out at a restaurant and his ex's step-brother was there, came over to say hello and meet me, and then of course he reported back to my boyfriend's ex the next day about who he had seen. The funny part is that my sister grew up with the step-brother's younger sister (we all went to the same high school) - SMALL WORLD!

Even though his ex knows about me, the one thing I told my boyfriend is that I don't want to meet his son until he is emotionally ready to deal with his ex and all the questions their son might have for her about who I am - he is happy I set that parameter, so that is what we will follow for the time being.

Needless to say, I am excited to meet this three-year-old since he is absolutely adorable!

More to come as the situation unfolds...


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Re: Meeting his son for the first time [Re: CA44]
      #458234 - 10/05/08 09:31 PM

You should be excited and I wouldn't worry too much about the child. 3yo's are pretty easy to please. If you can get down on the floor and talk to him and play with him at his level he'll be hooked. Buy him a few things and you're golden. (lol) The fun part about getting to meet and be involved with this child who isn't yours is that you get to play the fun adult. YOU don't have to be the one to make him eat what he doesn't like, take a bath or go to bed. You get to be the one to read a story, sneak him treats and play in the mud. :o) My x SO was like that with my kids (and I returned the favor whenever possible) I think they were as sad as me when it ended.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
CA44
recently joined


Reged: 07/19/08
Posts: 11
Re: Meeting his son for the first time [Re: Debi]
      #458283 - 10/06/08 12:45 AM

Funny how you say to get on the floor and play at his level - I actually bought him a "Thomas The Tank Engine" tent set (with the caboose portion to make the tent longer and bigger)...he loves this toy and will say to my boyfriend, "Daddy, you're too big to come in here!"

I also bought him a blanket and pillow set for his new bunk beds - one day he will find out that these things are from me, which will be nice. And because I love to cook, I thought it would be fun to "make food for Daddy" together as a future planned activity for after the initial meeting takes place...

And one last thing, especially for those of you with either young children or grandchildren/nieces/nephews/cousins, etc. - the new "Elmo Live" is coming out on November 1st and will probably be a huge item for Christmas, so go on Amazon.com and pre-order yours today to beat the holiday rush! I just bought this precious boy his own, which he will get shipped out to him on the day it comes out (November 1) - so Debi, I am sticking to your idea of buying him a few things! :)


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1



Extra information
0 registered and 1 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  dsAdmin 

Print Topic

Forum Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is disabled
      UBBCode is disabled

Rating:
Topic views: 6190

Rate this topic

Jump to

Contact Us Divorce Source Home

*
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: