NanV58
newbie
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 39
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I have posted before regarding 50/50 legal and shared physical placement in RI. I am scheduled for court this coming Thursday (after one postponement in October in attempts to settle between lawyers. While I submitted an itemized list of expenses totalling $4000 in mid October, my ex just responded with his own list of almost equal expenses. Per advice from the board, I just asked my lawyer to validate his list by receipts and payments as I do suspect the list is not totally honest by substantial amounts. Clothing expenses seem very high considering I see my boys every day and know what they wear. One expense is for $94 for hats and gloves. Am I crazy or does that seem like alot? He also included a $100 bicycle as a birthday gift, a trip to Six Flags (over $100) and a week of camping (over $100) when the boys were scheduled to be in his custody. While I have taken our two sons on numerous vacations, I would never think to include that in expenses. Also, he included a $165 sports registration fee for January 2004 winter league. Our son did not play. Lastly, I have not asked for any compensation considering that our 50/50 physical placement has been 60/40 for the past year. Will my request to have his expenses validated further delay a resolution? Our youngest son is 11 and I cannot afford to keep assuming the majority of expenses without a better accounting system. For the first two years of the divorce, we submitted monthly bills to each other with receipts for any expenses over $10 and reimbursed each other 50%. In August 2002, two months after he remarried and moved to a different town 15 miles away, he wrote that he would no longer acknowledge any bills that I submitted as he equally shared costs. What might be the legal outcome of this situation?
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Could you list the things youa re listing as expenses?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Gryph
member
Reged: 10/12/04
Posts: 118
Loc: Minnesota
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I should think receipts would be a must for his claims. You have receipts, correct?
I agree wth you about vacation and gift expenses, especially if you do not include them in your total. My ex and I agreed before court that our children deserved a vacation fund and we both participate, but it was made clear to us that it was a choice we made, not an obligation.
What does your attorney say about this? I would hope he would have some insight and advice. Please keep us posted.
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Onyx
old hand
Reged: 08/03/04
Posts: 816
Loc: Buffalo NY
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Your concern about all of this delaying resolution.... of course it will, especially if he is going to protest it. BUT- think of this, if you are that sure that his statements are wrong... then do the right thing, and ask for proof. You bet your @$$ he would do the same to you if you submitted something that was wrong. If doing the right thing is important, then nevermind the time its going to take. You have waited this long to get a divorce anyway, right? What's a few more weeks or months? Good luck. By the way, I agree that vacations, etc, shouldnt be included, and I have never heard of hats and gloves costing that much, unless he is shopping at high scale stores, which isnt a requirement, its a luxury. They will go by the median cost... not what the most expensive is. My kids each go through at LEAST two hats... at LEAST... per winter, I would never spend that much on a hat. I think the most I have spent on a hat is like 19.00. Blessings, Onyx
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"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"
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NanV58
newbie
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 39
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Thanks for the input thus far. My lawyer, asked me to contact her on Monday but I emailed her right before Thanksgiving to tell her that I am requesting receipts and such on his submitted expenses. When this problem first arose two years ago, she advised me to wait until expenses built up as it was not worth it to bring him to court over a few hundred dollars. I have heeded her advice and only wish a more equitable way of determining child costs could have been settled long before this. For two years I have continued to provide what our children needed without my ex's support. Since the ex has two step children and a new wife I wouldn't be surprised if some of the items listed were for them. The situation is further complicated because our older son who will enter high school next year has been enrolled in a private school for learning disabilities from grades 1-8. Despite teacher and medical recommendations that he apply to private schools, Dad will not even remotely entertain the idea. I looked forward to the day that he entered high school and we could save on tuition to prepare for college. Now, I am not sure that a public school is the right place for him and I am willing to foot the entire bill if I have to. I feel I at least have the right to ask that he equally contribute to regular maintenance. Does anyone have insight into the change in 50/50 physical placement and how that might affect child support? I am not looking to change visitation in any way but the fact remains that for the past year and continuing into the present, the boys are in my custody at least 60% of the time.
Thank you for your answers.
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Eric
old hand
Reged: 05/30/04
Posts: 807
Loc: USA
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You and your ex are immature children.
You can stop this cycle and no one (believe me) on this site that is a regular poster can help you.
Your recourse?
www.DivorceAsFriends.com as found on the FIRM's Divorce & Women pages.
Come home...to FIRM...
Eric
www.FIRMncp.com
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Equality is not a difficult concept
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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yes believe Eric...he is our leader..oh no..sorry village idiot. Run as far and fast as you can from the Firm site.. your boys will be in old folks homes before you get past page 8000 of his manifesto..
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Melody
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
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these support agreements that require receipts and accountings are so ridiculous. I dont' understand why either of your vacation expenses should figure into child support. Support is for basic needs. Vacations are a luxury and are optional. If I"m understanding your situation correctly, you have 50/50 and don't pay each other child support...but you share receipts and accountings of your individual expenses for the child periodically...and then what....the one who spent less pays the one who spent more? That's ridiculous! Get rid of that order and get yourself to a support calculation website such as www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport and check to see just what child support should be ordered. Regardless of 50/50 placement, your child may still be entitled to child support depending on which parent has the higher income. Get what your child deserves and scrap this ridiculous scam that your ex probably came up with in order to avoid support payments!!!!
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NanV58
newbie
Reged: 06/27/04
Posts: 39
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It becomes increasingly frustrating when certain responders seem to have little interest in truly helping others. I have read thousands of posts and spent countless hours researching in attempts to have the most civil relationship both during my divorce almost five years ago and through the past two very difficult years of watching what I thought would be a true joint parenting relationship deteriorate before my eyes. When a parent, of either sex, stops celebrating their children and their accomplishments, fails to take equal responsibility in their maintenance, and continually prolongs resolution, it takes its toll on everyone.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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They both have the child an EQUAL amount of time. SHE is the one that submitted a bil to him, and he countered with a bill. They have the child an EQUAL amount of time, and therefore they are EQUALLY supporting the child. The ONLY reason for child support in a 50/50 custody arrangement is a little thing called "hidden alimony".
Also, you ASSUME that he came up with this arrangement to, "avoid support payments!!!!". Well, if he DID come up with it, SHE agreed to it, so aren't they BOTH at fault for any problems it causes?
One other thing, and it has been asked by me and ignored, is what was on HER list of expenses. She was quick to point out the things that were on HIS list, but she seems reluctant to list the $4000 that SHE feels he should pay for.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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