bcross
recently joined
Reged: 11/05/08
Posts: 2
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Any thoughts.... Lately when my 16yr old son goes to his moms to visit all she is concerned about is going against all the rules that are set for him. For example, If he is grounded, she ungrounds him and lets him have a free for all. She does not ask about his grades or care how late he stays out on school nights. She is now encouraging him to come and live with her because life with her would be easier, no rules. Here is a little background, She left his life and the state when he was 7, came back at 11, left the state again at 12 and came back again at 15. She spends less than a month a year total with him. We have joint custody with all the goody arrangements that favor a good mother, one who wants to be a parent. I am considering changing the custody arrangments. If anyone has any thoughts they would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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matart1
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/01/05
Posts: 2798
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please do not consider changing the custody arrangements....go back and read what you posted - it sounds like no where near a woman much less a mother who has any concern for their child.
your son probably thrives in your home.
now consider the ramifications of what might happen if he was to live with her...
doesn't sound like you could consider the possibility of her taking care of a cat much less another human.
if your son is getting too confused with what is going then maybe what you need is family or one on one counseling or something, encouragement or anything but living with his mother.
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Life is a long lesson in humility.
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bcross
recently joined
Reged: 11/05/08
Posts: 2
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I would not be wanting to change the custody to have him live with her. I am thinking abount giving less visitation, more restrictions. Her threats are damaging. Its hard to keep things in line and then have to reset again after a visit with her. Its more of a problem when he does see her, lots of turmoil...
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christine1
addict
Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 439
Loc: Ma
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Hi,
I would document everything! Unfortunately you cannot dictate what rules she has in her home, like she cannot in your home unless they harm the child. However, I do believe that she is emotionally playing with the child and that is not right! At that age all they want is freedom and as you know if they get to much will get into trouble.
Please keep us updated. I personally would not do anything right now but I would be sure to document everything. Also, I would drop her an email or note stating that you feel her trying to pursuade your son into living with her is inappropriate and against the court order and is also parental alienation - If it continues that you will have no recourse but to pursue it legally because you believe it is harming your child.
Good Luck,
Christine
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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You're not dealing with anything that most CP's don't deal with. What it sounds like is a difference in parenting styles. She may not be a great mom, but she doesn't have to enforce your rules in her home and she doesn't have to leave him grounded at her house because he's grounded at yours. I highly doubt parenting time is going to be reduced due to the reasons you stated. Judges don't normally reduce parenting time for an NCP unless the child is in danger and that takes more than the CP's documentation. Also going to court risks her asking for 50/50 placement. If she does and it's awarded you will have less control. You have less than 2 years to deal with it and if she remains true to form she will be gone in a year.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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