joenov
recently joined
Reged: 01/24/09
Posts: 4
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Hello everyone,
Still going through some shock, but my wife informed my yesterday that she has been cheating on me and would like a divorce. We had been going through some issues but I didn't think it would come to this. Now the hard part is that I deploy to Iraq in the middle of February (National Guard so I am not normally full-time military).
We have no kids, house, property, or shared assets of any sort. As far as the material things go, we are not fighting over any of them (what's hers is hers and mine is mine, and she can have the wedding stuff).
It boils down to 2 questions; Can I complete this before I deploy, and if we do get a divorce before I deploy will I lose my BAH? I am already looking at a place to reside before I leave so I would be spending more out of pocket if I lose it.
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Redlegg
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Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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Completing it before you go depends on where your at, and the BAH rules apply. Anyone is eligible for BAH, the amount depends on rank, location and number of dependents. If it is completed, you would have less dependesnts, so at a minimum, it should go down.
You are talking about deploying in 3 weeks or so. You should know if you can complete it, seperation period, court dates, etc. Where in the process are you??
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joenov
recently joined
Reged: 01/24/09
Posts: 4
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I am at square one. The head-spinning is still occurring, lol. I haven't done anything yet, as it's the weekend. On Monday I will try to get into a lawyer's office.
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elliesmom
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Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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If you can't complete it before you go you can waive your appearance or have someone you trust appear for you (like an attorney or person with power of attorney). Particularly if you are just filing a stipulated (agreed to) decree. My friend did this before she deployed. And you will lose your BAH from the date of divorce. So, if you don't take in your divorce papers immediately they will continue to pay you - but you'll have to pay it back. They don't charge interest though.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Redlegg
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Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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Maybe you should start looking at the support requirements before you go. I do not think if you are at square one, you will get it done in three weeks. So figure out the legal requirement for support, make the allotment out before you go, and change your direct deposit before you go. If you get it done before you go, you can stop the allotment. if you don't your covered for the entire time. You will have also protected your income from being spent while your not there. You will get what yoru entitled to, and she will get what she is entitled to. No questions should arise and you have a cushion (timewise) to either work on it, or not worry about it until you get back.
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joenov
recently joined
Reged: 01/24/09
Posts: 4
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We don't have any sort of shared checking or savings account, so thankfully I don't have to worry about that. As far as the support requirements, is there a specific resource to check that?
You are correct, I don't think I can get it in a few weeks but I did talk to a lawyer today and she recommended a legal separation while I was gone. Then in writing I would have it so that she wouldn't be able to get any money when she got back, which right now she said she didn't want but that could change.
The other thing that would help me with is that I would retain full BAH, Family Separation Allowance, and then when I get back we could get the actual divorce.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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AR 608-99
Look at par. 1-7 on page three, and it goes on to discuss a coourt order. If you are in compliance with this regulation, You should have no issues from the military.
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joenov
recently joined
Reged: 01/24/09
Posts: 4
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Thanks for helping me locate that information Redlegg. It's funny, basically the Army says "don't make it our problem". Well, it looks like I'm just going to wait until I get back to start the procedures, even though the wife isn't happy about it.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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The Army is saying take care of your business, and they have put in place regulations that protect you as well. Knock it out, and take care of business, here and there.
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