happy05hour
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Reged: 02/05/08
Posts: 568
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Yes, I am still working on this petition to modify custody. No am I not filing for full custody; my last question regarding the pysch evaluation was for a friend.
Anyway, I am looking for examples of a claus for the order that protects the children from the parent having boyfriends/girlfriends sleep over and all that jazz. I know that I have seen that discussion on this forum before but I can't find any examples of the way it's worded. Does anybody have that claus in their custody order that would like to share?
The reaons I want to have it added is because my ex MAY be breaking up with her current live-in boyfriend who she had sleeping over and forcing the children to call him Dad within 3 months of our seperation (against our verbal agreement, she totally hid it from me). If she is finally getting rid of him, I want to protect the children from her doing that again with some other guy.
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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We don't have this clause in our CO - but XH and his first wife do.
I believe it's worded something to the effect of "Neither parent shall have a person of the opposite sex stay in the parent's home overnight unless married." - it also included hours set, like not past midnight, and not before 6am or something...
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youngatheart
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9394
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Can't help you. I don't have this in my Court Order, and I wouldn't ever agree to it being in my Order.
I've heard that if the parties don't agree to it, that it is difficult to get it put in there. But, I guess that could depend upon the Judge.
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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I agree w/ YH...
While such a clause is possible when parties agree.. it probably won't fly w/ a judge UNLESS you are in one of the bible belt states.
Here in NY, I have watch the judge rule a couple of times that the requesting party has no right to 'control' what the other party is legally allowed to do in his own home...
My ex paraded many flavors-of-the-month in front of our children. I don't think it is right; but it is not illegal.
If you feel strongly on this subject; you are better off finding someway to negotiate this with your ex.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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happy05hour
addict
Reged: 02/05/08
Posts: 568
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I am trying to negotiate...all of it. I am writing the petition and then sending it to her first before filing and asking if we can sit down and mediate on our own. THere is so much that I know she doesn't want me to tell the Judge that I think she might agree to a lot just to stay out of court. that's what I am hoping for anyway
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happy05hour
addict
Reged: 02/05/08
Posts: 568
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I was thinking of something like a six month introduction period for the kids or something...not the "marriage" stipulation. I know she won't ever agree to that since she has been living with the current BF for six years and no marriage. She didn't want to marry me! But I don't think a six month time period for the kids to get to know the person would be asking too much? Do you?
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JennyLynn
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/14/05
Posts: 31656
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No - I think that's perfectly acceptable.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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You have two problems here:
1. Are you willing to go to lengths necessary to prove contempt and go back to court multiple times to push the issue?
2. How do you enforce the 6 month rule? She can always say she was with someone and didn't feel it was any of your business, and then you'll have to prove she wasn't with him. How do you prove a negative?
As much as you'd like that clause, and I do think its only commonsense, you can't adjudicate commonsense. If your X wants it bad enough she'll do whatever the hell she wants, and you'll tie yourself in knots trying to correct the issue in court. You most certainly should fight for what you think is right, but be aware that the fight will be ongoing. So not only will you have to try to mitigate the damages with your son, but fight a war with her that you can't win.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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happy05hour
addict
Reged: 02/05/08
Posts: 568
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I do see exactly what you mean, but my ex is fairly good about sticking to the court order. She's a nervous wreck in court, cries her eyes out, so I know she's very fearful of going there. I seriously do think that if it's part of our order she will at least THINK about doing it before she does it. Yeah, she may try to be sneaky but I don't think it would be as bad if there was nothing in the order at all. If it helps even a little bit it would be good.
Plus my boys are 10 and 6 now and know exactly what is going on all the time. She can't hide anything from them. I would know and so would their counselor.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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Okay, thats what I was getting at. You've considered the realities of the situation and realize its not that cut and dried. So many people come here and say that they just know their ex won't have a boyfriend or girlfriend over because its in the court order.
I hope you're successful with that clause. Its pretty sad when you have to have something like that in a legal document before someone considers doing it, you know?
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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