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Jasmine13
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Reged: 02/04/09
Posts: 3
Here we go again
      #500227 - 02/04/09 03:27 PM

It took me a while to notice the typical domestic violence pattern with my husband...the tension building, the explosion, and then the honeymoon period. He does all of this without laying a hand on me, though -- because he knows I would have him arrested immediately and that would result in him losing his job.
But during the last episode, he pulled out his gun, he pointed it at me, then he pointed it at his own head. Numerous times.
Things settled after that.
Then this morning, well, it's time for the next eruption. He didn't do anything like this, but I saw him heading down that path again.
This time he is telling me he will "prove" to his ex-wife and daughter, who have been harassing the hell out of us throughout our short marriage, that he "is psycho." (They live in another state.)
I am so sick of this crap. I'm so sick of the screaming and yelling in my house, and knowing that the neighbors hear it. I used to be the little neighborhood social butterfly before Grumpy Ass (my husband) moved in. People stay away from us like we've got leprosy.
This cycle has got to stop. I don't know where to turn right now. I'm tired of the emotional abuse, being his scapegoat for all the crap his ex and daughter unload on him in their quest to ruin him and ruin our marriage -- because, to them, "It's her or us."


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Misslisa1017
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Reged: 05/18/06
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Re: Here we go again [Re: Jasmine13]
      #500261 - 02/04/09 04:49 PM

Just remember, it's not his ex's fault that he's acting the way he is. It's his issue to own.

No one is driving him to do what he's doing but him. I'm not going to say his ex is a saint, I'm sure she adds to the mix but it's no reason for your husband to treat you poorly.

I hope things get better for you.


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Jasmine13
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Reged: 02/04/09
Posts: 3
Re: Here we go again [Re: Misslisa1017]
      #500280 - 02/04/09 06:16 PM

I don't see where in my post I blamed his ex for his behavior - I talked about his cycle. They have done us the lovely favor of putting as much pressure on him I'm sure in hopes that he would snap. It's just part of the story.

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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6755
Re: Here we go again [Re: Jasmine13]
      #500348 - 02/05/09 01:44 AM

You blame his ex right about here.........."I'm tired of the emotional abuse, being his scapegoat for all the crap his ex and daughter unload on him in their quest to ruin him and ruin our marriage "



There is NOTHING that his ex and daughter could "put on him", if he was sane that cou;ld make him point a gun at your head


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nolonger
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Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
Re: Here we go again [Re: finz]
      #500452 - 02/05/09 08:31 AM

Jas, go to the local domestic violence center, or just call the 800 number. There are secret locations and secret meetings where you can get help.

Start saving money, get your own credit card and prepaid cell phone and look for a place to stay. Make a plan and put it into effect immediately!!!!

Your H is probably affected with some sort of mental/emotional disorder. Sadly, there was a murder/suicide nearby last week - a couple JUST like you - and it reminds me to tell you that you are in IMMINENT danger.

Forget about the ignorance in the posters above. Get educated on abuse, get help and guidance thru the DVC, get OUT ASAP.

Sadly, may I even suggest you pair up with the exwife? Surely you've been handed carefully crafted lies about her. She knows the truth. You may survive this by bonding with her.


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shortmarriage
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Reged: 12/07/08
Posts: 1773
Re: Here we go again [Re: Jasmine13]
      #500523 - 02/05/09 11:08 AM

"It took me a while to notice the typical domestic violence pattern with my husband...But during the last episode, he pulled out his gun, he pointed it at me, then he pointed it at his own head. Numerous times."

---I agree with nolonger. You need to protect yourself and get out before it's too late! You can't sit there and try to figure out who is making him do this and why he's doing this! If you do, you may end up losing your life! Get help, and get out. Do it quickly. And safely.


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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6755
Re: Here we go again [Re: nolonger]
      #500928 - 02/06/09 12:51 AM

[quote]
Forget about the ignorance in the posters above.
[/quote]

************************************


Excuse me ?

You have a hell of a lot of nerve to be tossing the ignorance label around. Technically....that's abusive.

OP is blaming her husband's ex for all of the problems when clearly her husband has major issues. Pointing a gun at OP is dangerous. OP needs to stop blaiming his ex and see that she is living with the dangerous one. Her shifting the blame from the guilty one,her husband,is something that many abused women do........and they need to learn to stop doing that. One would think that you would understand that

You agree with myself and the other previous poster, yet you said that we are ignorant. That does not make sense.


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Yes_Dad
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Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
Re: Here we go again [Re: Jasmine13]
      #501304 - 02/07/09 08:44 AM

[quote]It took me a while to notice the typical domestic violence pattern with my husband...the tension building, the explosion, and then the honeymoon period. He does all of this without laying a hand on me, though -- because he knows I would have him arrested immediately and that would result in him losing his job.
But during the last episode, he pulled out his gun, he pointed it at me, then he pointed it at his own head. Numerous times.
Things settled after that.
Then this morning, well, it's time for the next eruption. He didn't do anything like this, but I saw him heading down that path again.
This time he is telling me he will "prove" to his ex-wife and daughter, who have been harassing the hell out of us throughout our short marriage, that he "is psycho." (They live in another state.)
I am so sick of this crap. I'm so sick of the screaming and yelling in my house, and knowing that the neighbors hear it. I used to be the little neighborhood social butterfly before Grumpy Ass (my husband) moved in. People stay away from us like we've got leprosy.
This cycle has got to stop. I don't know where to turn right now. I'm tired of the emotional abuse, being his scapegoat for all the crap his ex and daughter unload on him in their quest to ruin him and ruin our marriage -- because, to them, "It's her or us." [/quote]

They have this thing now called "divorce". You ought to try it.


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apples
journeyman
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Reged: 02/05/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Illinois
Re: Here we go again [Re: Yes_Dad]
      #501344 - 02/07/09 10:24 AM

Speaking as someone who has been in your shoes, GET OUT!

Along with the emotional abuse, I dealt with the physical abuse as well. Please know that while he may not be hitting you now, it is coming. Most abuse works up in stages, just like the cycles you were describing. In my case, it started with him telling me what I was and was not going to do, he then started yelling at me, telling me how worthless I was, yadda, yadda, yadda. He then progressed to throwing things (wish I had dollar for everything he broke!), soon after that he was hitting me. What finally got through to me was when he had me down on the floor choking me. I finally realized he was going to keep getting worse until he killed me.

You say he wouldn't hit you because he knows you would turn him in, sorry honey, but when they get in that type of mind set, they loose rational thought, he will NOT be thinking about that when he is that enraged.

If you are determined to stay for a while at least get an emergancy plan of action set up. ALWAYS have an extra set a cars keys placed where you can get them in a hurry and he does not know where they are, have an emergency box lined up, something you can crab and go. In this box have extra money, banking infor, birth certificates, any important papers you may need. I actually kept my box at my neighbors home, ex would search the house routinely, he knew I had been looking into leaving him.

The gun issue terrifies me. He may not put it down next time. Honestly the best thing you could do for the both of you is to leave. I didn't say divorce him. That is a decision only you can make. He needs help. He may not see that if you are still there.


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nolonger
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Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
Re: Here we go again [Re: apples]
      #501469 - 02/07/09 05:09 PM

Jas, have you decided what you're going to do? Are you safe?

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