bcdevil
recently joined
Reged: 02/20/09
Posts: 17
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Hi Readers.
I have posted before & I thought that I would think positive and ask a question what would be on the up side.
Lets say I get joint custody "Which I know I will once I can locate the mother to get her served".
I have not been allowed to speak with my daugther since 2005. That was the last time that I was allowed to see her, & that had to be a surpirse visit, since no one would ever answer the phone.
I have been writing my daughter letters & sending monthly packages for 14 months now (right now I have to send them to a friend of hers since the mother won't give me her current address).
I found out that the mother opens and reads my letters to my before she hands them to my daughter. So I don't know how much my dauther knows of me right now.
So what happens when she asks me the BIG question's like "Where have you been, why have you not called, why have you not come by ect"
Do I say the truth & say that your mother ran, and she did not give forwarding address, she would change her number, and that your mom has always had my number, and was always able to get a hold of me, no matter what.
I remember once when I was on the phone with my daugther, she said "Daddy why have you not called' mom said you have been to busy". Which was not true, that was the first time they answered in weeks at that point. So I just said "Ya, daddy has been busy". I got off the phone and just about cried because I had to lie to my dauther so her mother won't look bad.
I know that last summer that my dauther(12) was out where I live, she found out that I did not live far from where she was staying, my dauther asked her mom, if she could see her daddy, her mom said NO' then my daugther asked "if she could call me" her mom said NO, and when my daugther asked why, the mother told her that she was not allowed to see me since I dont want to pay child support.
How can you say that to a child, apperently my daugther was so heart broken. I was so pissed when I heard that, cause I had sent letters/facebook messeges to the mother asking what my daugther needs ect, and what I am asking for such as calls and stuff NO REAL RESPONCE, just get a lawyer.
How would you guys handle the questions my daugther will have, I REALLY NEED HELP HERE!!!!!!
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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I'd answer questions gently, but truthfully........ie, I would not say ,"Your b itch of a mom has been hiding you to punish me" I would say, "Your mom would not give me her phone number so I couldn't call you, but I have been thinking about you and sending letters every x week"
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bjaks
member
Reged: 02/17/09
Posts: 167
Loc: Somewhere on a farm
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"I think telling your child the details is a horrible idea. You will be putting a lot on his shoulders that he doesn't need to be involved in. 13yo's aren't grown-ups and teens have enough to deal with of their own without being privy to their parents problems. I have children in his age range and the thought of sharing something that adult with them is unfathomable to me."
Gee finz, didn't you agree with what Debi said in the OP? Yep, you did. Now Red, can you take a shot at the double standard here? My fingers are tired!!!
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johnson27
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/31/08
Posts: 2435
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"I have not been allowed to speak with my daugther since 2005. That was the last time that I was allowed to see her"
----> How sad!!! I'm so sorry to hear that!
I'd try to keep away from, your mom wouldn't let me - and make it more about - "i've sent you letters honey, i've tried calling, i think about you everyday, i love you very much!"
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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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BJ,
When you answer up about your double standard, then maybe.
Why do you have a double standard BJ ? Do you even recognize it as a double standard BJ???
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bjaks
member
Reged: 02/17/09
Posts: 167
Loc: Somewhere on a farm
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you were responding to somone else's post but directed to me. But I did in another post I started...I think it was about Leanne because the other had got to long. I stated who I was and what I stood for. I think you saw.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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I saw and no you did not ever answer why a double standard is ok, or why you have one and you won't even admit it. All you did was justify it. Yes, you have definitely stated who you are, and what you stand for, that much is clear. I quick replied to a question you asked above.
Did you notice that, you asked a question, and I actually answered it.
If you have a question PM me.
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bjaks
member
Reged: 02/17/09
Posts: 167
Loc: Somewhere on a farm
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A double standard is rules that are unfairly given to different groups right? Different situations call for different actions. Different punishments fit different crimes. Do I have a double standard? Sure, why? I'm human!
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26686
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it is not about punishments, it is not even about situations, it is soley about your double standard. The fact that you have one is painfully clear, so you sayiing you do is not really news. The question was, why is it ok.
See, this is exactly what i was talkign about, you won't answer the question. It is nice to see that you admit you live your life with double standards, that is the first step. You also say they are unfair, again, that is progress. But you are shying away from the why is it ok question. You being human is not a reason to be unfair. If you made a mistake, no problem, apologize to whom you treated wrong, and move on.
Again, you should PM me, you are taking away from the thread.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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Gee BJ.....can you read ?
Debi is not the OP, Debi has not responded in this thread
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