kotabear
addict
Reged: 09/05/07
Posts: 488
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X called me from the recovery center. Wanting me to call his lawyer to see what was going on, since he was to go to court on Thursday.
So, of course, I called. Lawyer said that they will push the court date back since he is at the recovery center. He will however be charged with battery, and court cost and fine's will be somewhere around 450.
He calls me back tonight. I'm sure I will hear an ear full about, "well if you wouldn't have put in your statement that I put my hand on your face" this all won't happen.
Well yes he did put his hand on my face as he was sarcastily (spelling?) talking to me. No he didn't hit. But in the past he has choked and head butted me, and I didn't do anything about that, well I did have a order of protection put in place for verbal abuse.
I don't know I feel bad, things were going good with us, communication wise. Now I am beating myself up and really don't look forward to talking to him about it tonight. I did speak with the guy at the recovery center that I always talk to and he said just tell him what the attorney said, and he will have to deal with it, he's an addict, and his attitude will reflect that, even though he knows what he did was not right.
Just had to get it off my chest, and knew someone on here might understand.
Thanks all,
kota
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In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
(Robert Frost)
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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If you're not looking forward to talking to him, WHY are you going to? There's no rule that you have to speak with him tonight. Give yourself some time and maybe do it tomorrow. Or have someone there relay the message. If you feel bad, he's likely only going to make you feel worse. And you don't want him playing on your sympathies to the point where you do something foolish...like drop the charges.
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Char Fox
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Ooops, just noticed the date, so you've probably already called him. But keep this in mind for future conflicts.
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Char Fox
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kotabear
addict
Reged: 09/05/07
Posts: 488
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I know I know I could have just not answered the phone. Yet... of course... I did. The kids and I were in pizza hut and they where being monkey's!
He said that he doesn't care about the court cost and the money. But he doesn't want the charge on his record. So he wants me to call the lawyer and tell him that. Why does he think that I should be the middle person, cause I'm the only one???
My co-worker and father both said, well he should have thought about that long ago. That there where things in the past that I should have turned him in for but didn't.
Yet why do I feel bad cause he's being charged? Is it cause I enabled him and yet still do?
After that he didn't say much, and I rushed the conversatin cause the kids were being wild.
I know I know I'm a push over.... I guess
--------------------
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
(Robert Frost)
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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>>>>>So he wants me to call the lawyer and tell him that.
>>>>>I know I know I'm a push over.... I guess
You are if you called the lawyer. You have no committment to do so. You feel guilty because abusers have the ability to make the victim feel guilty. Which is why it is best if you cease communicating with him.
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Char Fox
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JulieLynn
veteran
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 1211
Loc: KY gal in Indiana
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You are not doing yourself or children any favors if you call the attorney. In our state the victim can't have the charges dropped and to me that's a wonderful thing so the abusers can't guilt them into it!!
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Have a great day!!
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kotabear
addict
Reged: 09/05/07
Posts: 488
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You are right. I don't think in IL they let you drop charges as well. Because yes he is guilting me into taking care of the work on his end of this.
good thing is with him being down there, at the recovery center, he can only call 2 days of the week. so when he does, I'll just tell him well I've called and left messages, and no responds, maybe you should just write him!
Thanks for your response all,
Kota
--------------------
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
(Robert Frost)
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JulieLynn
veteran
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 1211
Loc: KY gal in Indiana
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I hope that you do that ...tell him you left messages and tell him its up to him to write letters. Even if you still want to be with him he needs help with his problems. I work in a DV shelter and I know it's hard when they are trying to guilt you. You didn't do this ..HE did and he is the one responsible for fixing it!! Take care of yourself!!
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Have a great day!!
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JulieLynn
veteran
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 1211
Loc: KY gal in Indiana
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Also with him being an addict until he has been in therapy and rehab for at least two months he is not going to truly see what he has done is wrong. You deserve so much more!!
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Have a great day!!
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lilywhite
member
Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 111
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It's called enabling, and you're the codependent.
Don't do it. It's not in your best interest OR his. He needs to accept the consequences of his actions. Why should he? Right now YOU ARE keeping others from holding HIM accountable for his actions. STOP IT NOW.
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