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acesubz
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Reged: 06/11/09
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Separation - both have to be living in VA?
      #545147 - 06/11/09 08:34 PM

I am a bit confused on how to file for divorce based on separation. The plan is for the STBX to move out of VA to another state to start the "separation clock" - but do we both have to be living in VA to file, or just me? We are both longtime residents.

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BeachBabeRN
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Re: Separation - both have to be living in VA? [Re: acesubz]
      #545586 - 06/13/09 06:54 AM

Your spouse doesn't have to move out of Virginia, you simply have to be living separate and apart for six months **no kids** or a year **with kids**

That would be children OF the marriage, NOT any children you brought into the marriage.

Either one of you can file in any location you choose but since you are long time residents, why not do it here? It would make it much easier unless your divorce is so completely uncontested that one of you simply doesn't have to show up and is willing to sign a waiver of appearance.

If you draft your own agreement and one of you takes it to an attorney, at the time that a divorce needs to be filed, that forms the basis of your decree. Unless one of you wants changes made to it, it's a rubber stamp process.


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acesubz
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Reged: 06/11/09
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Re: Separation - both have to be living in VA? [Re: BeachBabeRN]
      #546729 - 06/18/09 07:41 PM

Thanks. I do plan to file here, while the spouse is in another state. I was just wondering if we both HAD to be in state but I think you answered that no it is not a requirement.

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Sooner
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Reged: 06/20/09
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Re: Separation - both have to be living in VA? [Re: acesubz]
      #547088 - 06/20/09 07:14 PM

My husband of 26 years is deployed. He sent me an email telling me he wants a divorce. Can he do this while deployed? Kids are grown. No Affairs. He says he's tired of being in debt and is upset because I just got layed off. Is deployment a form of legal separation. I think he's just under a lot of stress. I'm devasted. What can he do while deployed? We just moved here and I don't know anyone. I'm alone and don't know where to turn. He took all financial records with him.

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BeachBabeRN
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Reged: 01/16/06
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Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
Re: Separation - both have to be living in VA? [Re: Sooner]
      #547117 - 06/21/09 05:13 AM

I guess he can TELL you he wants a divorce but unless there's an attorney where he is that can file the documents, etc., I would suggest that this will be unable to be done until he is NOT deployed any longer.

When you say he has all financial documents with him, does that mean you're unable to get copies? Anything that your name is on you can obtain copies of. And if you're really good, you can sometimes get stuff that your name isn't on. Do you have a POA to act while he's gone? If so, USE IT NOW to protect yourself.

I think deployment is a stressful time and there may be some things that you don't know about. I'm sure you're aware that as his wife, you're entitled to a portion of his retirement and if I were you, although I usually don't say this, you need to go for everything you're entitled to. YOU lived his military career also.

Has he stopped to consider that getting divorced won't take him out of debt -- marital debt still has to be paid. As far as you getting laid off, if this was through no fault of your own, I can understand concern but not anger -- this economy is awful right now. Are you trying to become re-employed? I would hope so -- you'll still have to work after you are divorced if that comes to pass.

Does he realize that when he's divorced, HIS income will go down? No more BAH, etc....

My only suggestion would be to e-mail him back, calmly **even though you feel like screaming** and ask him what his thought process is, what prompted this -- and suggest that when he returns from deployment, that the two of you sit down and discuss this calmly. Unless he can convince an attorney in Virginia to start a process while he's not here **a long shot at best** he'll have to wait until he comes back.

Watch your bank accounts -- there is no requirement for him to continue with direct deposit, even though the two of you are married. What I would do is continue to pay what bills you have.....that's simply a responsibility. If he does change his direct deposit, you'll have a heck of a time having it redirected BACK to your accounts and indeed, I would have no idea how to even do that short of going to his command. At the very least, the military requires that you recieve the benefits that he receives for being married and they can direct that to you.

You're in a tough spot -- you might want to try posting on the regular boards **Stepfamily gets MOST of the traffic** to get a broader range of opinions, there are some military wives and active duty military that would be far more able to advise than me.

One thing that is interesting to me is that you're new to the area, know no one and have no one to help you deal with this. Could this be intentional on his part? Is this a position that he would find an advantage to him? Don't overlook the possibility that he may have planned this for far longer than you know about.


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