ChiefsTigress
recently joined
Reged: 06/14/09
Posts: 1
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My Ex tonight - upon my almost 8 yr old son saying that he just doesn't like talking on the phone - isn't into it - but that he does love his Dad -to his Dad - had to hear his Dad say point blank 'Well if he doesn't like talking on the phone or has no time for his Dad then **I** don't have ANY time to send him ANY presents EVER again!!!"
My son literally busted out sobbing more than I've ever seen him cry! I could *feel* his heart breaking and then beginning to harden...this hurts so beyond anything I've ever known. I've only ever wanted to lovingly protect my sons but how can I from a jerk who happens to be their Dad?
I went ballistic and called my no good Ex on his blatant hypocrisy - told him how it is REALLY crappy of him to hold his son to a standard that HE wasn't even willing to follow HIMSELF seeing as he HATES talking on the phone,always has -and when he and I were married -he had ME be his secretary taking all calls AND making his for him - or I'd get bitched at without mercy...Yet his almost 8 yr old son HAS to like talking on the phone or else???
Have any of y'all gone through divorce...had an Ex like this...helped your child go through the horrible feelings of divorce ...have been a child of divorce and had a parent like my ex? Any objective opinions and opinions of those who have lived this experience would be MUCH appreciated!!
If you were me would you FORCE your child to talk with someone who happens to be his Dad just because 'he'd better'? or would you give him a choice? What if the Dad wasn't a great one? I know I have my own faults -but I'd NEVER threaten a kid with NO presents!!! EVER!!!!!!
The boys step 'Mom' says that Thad WILL talk with Craig because that is Craig's 'Right'... I feel it is in Thad's best interest to NOT make him talk with Craig because each time begins an awful emotional turmoil filled time afterwards..
Thanks...
A Heartbroken 4 My Sons Mom in Search of Answers
Kimberlie
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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...are you and how often does he see the child?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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[quote]My Ex tonight - upon my almost 8 yr old son saying that he just doesn't like talking on the phone - isn't into it - but that he does love his Dad -to his Dad - had to hear his Dad say point blank 'Well if he doesn't like talking on the phone or has no time for his Dad then **I** don't have ANY time to send him ANY presents EVER again!!!"
My son literally busted out sobbing more than I've ever seen him cry! I could *feel* his heart breaking and then beginning to harden...this hurts so beyond anything I've ever known. I've only ever wanted to lovingly protect my sons but how can I from a jerk who happens to be their Dad?
I went ballistic and called my no good Ex on his blatant hypocrisy - told him how it is REALLY crappy of him to hold his son to a standard that HE wasn't even willing to follow HIMSELF seeing as he HATES talking on the phone,always has -and when he and I were married -he had ME be his secretary taking all calls AND making his for him - or I'd get bitched at without mercy...Yet his almost 8 yr old son HAS to like talking on the phone or else???
Have any of y'all gone through divorce...had an Ex like this...helped your child go through the horrible feelings of divorce ...have been a child of divorce and had a parent like my ex? Any objective opinions and opinions of those who have lived this experience would be MUCH appreciated!!
If you were me would you FORCE your child to talk with someone who happens to be his Dad just because 'he'd better'? or would you give him a choice? What if the Dad wasn't a great one? I know I have my own faults -but I'd NEVER threaten a kid with NO presents!!! EVER!!!!!!
The boys step 'Mom' says that Thad WILL talk with Craig because that is Craig's 'Right'... I feel it is in Thad's best interest to NOT make him talk with Craig because each time begins an awful emotional turmoil filled time afterwards..
Thanks...
A Heartbroken 4 My Sons Mom in Search of Answers
Kimberlie [/quote]
That is acutally a fair sentiment, especially if the kid is 8. He likes it when Dad can give him stuff but not when it's just his voice. Blame in this area Mom, belongs with you. No kid has a preference for talking on the phone. It's not like he is a busy businessman, who just wants to relax when he goes home. My conversations with the kids last about a minute but I talk to them every day. You need to encourage ie: force him to do it. My ex called me at work essesently and I couldn't stand it.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
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He really is old enough to accept the explanation that he may not like talking on the phone and that's fine, but he NEEDS to talk to his dad. Is it possible for them to have a web cam conversation online?
My daughter is not quite 2 and doesn't do really well on the phone yet but she does get on long enough to talk to daddy and say "Hi daddy" and "I love you" and babble a little. She will talk a little more if I prompt her like telling her to count for daddy or (try to) recite Patty Cake. If she can do it an 8yo should be able to talk for 5 minutes. Maybe it would be easier for him if you sat with him before hand and had him make a short list of things he wanted to tell his dad. Some kids don't really know what to say when put on the spot, like a phone call , but will do better if they have an idea about what they want to say.
I can't really imagine you can "force" him to talk on the phone but you should do everything you can to encourage it. It doesn't matter what kind of @ss he is/was to you, you DID choose to have a child with him.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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stepmom23
recently joined
Reged: 03/18/09
Posts: 12
Loc: Georgia
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My husband is going through some of the same with his 15 yo son. Since March'09 the only way son will talk to dad is through a psychologist (DH phones in each week to son's session - Dad in Georgia, son in Florida). This mostly has to do with Mom getting in the way of son and DH's relationship, and it got WAY out of control real fast. Long story short: son skipped 38 continuous days of school; dad found out; mom knew for 2 weeks beforehand but didn't notify dad; mom refused to talk about it when confronted; all of a sudden son doesn't like dad, refuses to talk to him & refuses parenting time w/dad - though will send emails asking for video games and iTunes credits; mom refuses to intervene in resolving issues; dad files court order for son to go to counseling; son makes up all sorts of reasons that he hates dad but contradicts self in same sentence; psychologist now says son projecting mom's 5+ years of venom towards dad. NO ONE WINS, though mom thinks she has. It is a true mess and didn't happen overnight - took years to build up.
Don't let yours get this far.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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It is really foolish for a father to try and have any type of relationship with the children if they are in the custody of the Ex-wife.
The law give him ZERO rights, and INFINITE responsibilities, so why bother ? The father / child relationship is completely in the control of the ex, which gives the ex control of the father, even though they are divorced.
Best plan for the father is simply write the kids off, and pay the least amount possible. Or plan revenge on the ex...The only real purpose the kids serve after the divorce is finalized is for the father to know the current address of the ex for the purpose of exacting revenge.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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AloneInTheDark
member
Reged: 08/04/09
Posts: 179
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Say the situation was reversed and you were trying to maintain your relationship with your daughter by talking to her on the phone and he said he doesnt want her to talk to you cause it upsets her. Would you see it as reasonable to let your relationship with your daughter deteriate because she misses you and it upset her to talk to you. Or would you want to talk to her at least long enough to get a I love you and miss you and wish we were together from her?
Now what he said was wrong but how do you know it? Did you interogate your son or listen to his private conversations with his dad for some reason? Like maybe an excuse to prevent him and his father from talking to alienate the dad further then not being with him every day already does.
My wife does the same thing and there is no paperwork saying she can limit my access to the kids in any fashion. She just does it to weaken our relationship while I attempt to talk to them everday to maintain as much of it as I can.
How would you feel if day after day you felt your kid losing the closeness they used to have with you? He shouldnt of taken it out on his son, but not everyone can afford a lawyer to make the spouse who is doing it pay like they should or even realize that is probably the best way to do it.
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AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.
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