bayoubelle
recently joined
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 3
|
|
I have been married for the past 7 years to a very emotionally abusive, controlling man who has done everything that he could to be a bachelor and enjoy the ups of married life as well. This September I finally caught him cheating on me. He moved out that same day, against my wishes. Although I realize how pathetic and stupid I was then, I wanted to work it out with him. We have 3 small chidren, all 6 and younger and all I could think of was that they needed their daddy. Since then, so much has happened. My life is actually better and happier. I am a more focused mother and teacher (I teach 4th grade). I am calmer. My finances are together. I have also begun dating a man that I have known for over a year - another teacher. Once my ex found out that I was seeing someone else, he started acting crazy. He has done everything from cry, beg, throw up, faint, threaten to kill himself, force himself back into our house, etc. I am truly tired of the drama. I want it all over with. My life has gone smoothly since I realized things were never going to work between us. Now he has made me an offer that I am having a hard time refusing. He wants me to spend 24 hours with him - no physical attachments - and if I give in on that, he says he will leave me alone forever. I told him that the only way I would go along with it is after the divorce is finalized (he has tried to hold that over my head) and he gets professional help. I really don't want to be with him, but if this is the only way to get him to leave me alone, I will do it. Any suggestions? 
|
Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
|
|
How about he agrees to 5 hours of couple's counseling first and then you'll consider his "offer." Quite frankly, the offer creeps me out a little, especially coming from someone who has his history.
Even though you didn't ask about this in particular....do yourself a long-run favor and slow down with the dating, especially until you come to some kind of terms with your husband.
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
Ditto. If you don't know who Chrystal Brames is, I'd suggest you Google her and read. If he's forced himself back into the home especially. What do you mean by "forced"? Will this be a 24 hour time with him that you won't return from? Is that a frightening thought? It should be. Fright keeps us safe.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
BigEasy
journeyman
Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 75
|
|
Bayoubelle, please don't do this!!! Just reading your post raises all my red flags!!!
|
sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
|
|
Yeah - sounds like he's wrestling with some demons - and you don't want to get in between him, and them.
Look. He did this. This was his end game, his decision, his weakness. You took your lemons, you made lemonade - you took back your power, rose up, and you've even got some sweety that is working with you now. Soooo?
Truth, or consequences. 'Nuff said. Let him live with himself, if he can - but no, you shouldn't have to watch. This has some pretty nasty red flag issues here - you don't want to be a statistic hon. He'll calm down... say, by next Spring. 'Till then, work on being you - and strive for your own happiness.
Keep on keepin on. Don't look back!
SF
--------------------
Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
|
bayoubelle
recently joined
Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 3
|
|
Thanks for the advice everyone. He called me last night and told me that he had swallowed a whole bottle of pills and then hung up. All I had was a phone number, so I called him back and asked him to tell me where he was so that I could call an ambulance and have them pump his stomach. This is all getting a bit too much for me. I am leaving today for a couple of weeks to visit my parents. I have decided not to have any contact with him. I am not going to do the 24 hour thing, because not only is it probably a dangerous thing to do, I would probably end up causing conflict with the man I'm seeing and I'm not going to do that. I have contacted my ex's parents and asked them to look after him. Thanks again.
|
Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
|
|
I think that's a great decision. Best of luck to you.
|
sandflea
addict
Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 447
Loc: norfolk, Virginia
|
|
Run belle - run like the wind. This guy sounds like he'd "take you with him". This guy needs help - not yours - clinical help... Not your baggage anymore. Tell him to call his GF.
--------------------
Beaches, Bluegrass, Bach, Beer, Bodhisattva, Blisters, Bikes, Boats, Bhujangasana and Bayer
|
Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
|
|
Next time, instead of calling him back, call the police or the para-medics or both. Let them deal with it - most likely for a few days observation.
Also, I would make sure that telephone calls are recorded, just for your safety.
|
Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
|
|
Buckeye, it would not have done any good if she had called the police or medics... they have to know WHERE to go and she did not know that. She absolutely did the best she could do by calling him back and trying to obtain an address.
A phone trace takes a bit of time to get set up. I worked as a dispatcher for police, fire, ems and 9-1-1 for years, and currently back at the PD on loan to cover for a medical leave. Perhaps big, big city depts. are set up to be able to trace a call quickly, but I know our city is not set up to do so.
Karen
--------------------
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
