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Husband moved out but hasn't filed for divorce!
      #522939 - 04/15/09 09:37 PM

On March 13th my husband of 12 years tells me he isn't "in love" with me anymore and wants a divorce. A week later he moves out. I know that no 2 people can get along 100% of the time and we argued quite often, but I truly thought it was a phase. Now, a month later, he has taken me on an emotional roller coaster: one minute he wants nothing from me except a divorce and the next he wants to be friends (with benefits of course). I am still in love with him, but I also know that this ride has got to end soon or I will be more of an emotional disaster than I already am. I know what you are thinking...why not just divorce him? Well, first of all divorce is extremely expensive. Secondly, I cannot seem to 1.) figure out why? and 2.) let go of the little bit of faith that I have left. We do have children and at first it was a shock, but they seem to be doing better. I guess I don't know HOW or IF I want to let him go completely. I have thought long and mind tells me one thing and my heart keeps me hoping and praying. What's a gal to do? He left with the intent of getting a divorce, which he hasn't filed. He wants to basically "start over" become friends, date, etc. But any time I bring up our "relationship" or want to talk about him leaving, he gets very angry and we end up in another argument. I wish I wasn't in love with him and I wish I could find some way to shut him out. I am angry for him leaving, but I fear a divorce. Any words of advice will be appreciated...

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Re: Husband moved out but hasn't filed for divorce! [Re: slevings]
      #522983 - 04/15/09 11:00 PM

If he wants to start over, is he open to counseling?

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Re: Husband moved out but hasn't filed for divorce! [Re: WhoDaresWins]
      #523032 - 04/16/09 01:43 AM

I understand your pain. If he goes to counseling and you work it out great. In my case it is my wife (18 years), and she still lives in the house with me during the divorce because she can't afford a place and I can't kick my kids mom out even though I want to. She is leaving me to be with her old love from High School 20 years ago. Luckily my kids don't know all the facts. It is VERY VERY hard emotionally, but after 4+ months it is getting easier, and it will for you also. Is there kids involved? Hopefully your family will help also if they are nearby. Mine are 1000 miles away, but her whole family supports me, even as far as her mother moving in with me to help raise the kids. You need to look at the long road like I have, if they are doing it now then they will again in the future. You have to take care of yourself and be strong. I hope it works out for you though, my prayers are with you.

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Re: Husband moved out but hasn't filed for divorce! [Re: slevings]
      #523212 - 04/16/09 11:50 AM

I am in the same boat as you. My husband of nearly 6 years told me he wanted a divorce and left the same day. It's been a month now and he told me he wanted to work things out, but I have to move out of the house first. He wants us to be independant of each other before we start working on us. Since I'm in the same boat I really don't have any advice, but just know that I feel for you. It does get easier and hopefully along the way we get a bit stronger and do what is best for us, not them.

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Re: Husband moved out but hasn't filed for divorce! [Re: yndaid]
      #528687 - 05/03/09 03:52 PM

My heart pours out to all who are in this situation - as am I. The Mid Life Crisis seems to be hitting like a common cold. I am trying my best to hold onto my wife of 18 years that unfortunetly she went through a terrible shock when her father passed away and in my opinion now is in a Mid Life Crisis BIG TIME. During the last month is has been the hardest time in my life and I do not see an end in sight thank god she hasnt filed any papers yet. Any advise would be greatly appreciated since I have all the time and Love in the world to wait.


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Re: Husband moved out but hasn't filed for divorce! [Re: whattheheck]
      #564523 - 08/07/09 03:56 PM

I kinda am in that boat as well but he wont move out he says I lost him and move on but he is the support I have been mentally abuse by him and it has taken a toll on me I did everything for him you name it but when i needed something it turned into a fight I am emotionally drained so instead of playing wifee i am now playing roomie I still clean and laundry and do the account of our bills but I dont cook anymore and now i am working on my health trying to not focus on him and now I just found out I am going in for surgery and he turned his back on me and showed me he didnt care if i lived or died he treats me like I cheated on him or something its rediculious

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