allenchaser24
recently joined
Reged: 10/21/09
Posts: 8
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me. I still have difficulty with my emotions and I am down most of the time. Any advise? I have had her family members tell me that they believe she is still seing the guy, but she flat out tells me that it is over. It almost hurts worse to hear the lies. She tells me that she doesn't want a divorce, but doesn't know if she loves me anymore. She won't go to counseling, so I feel trapped. I've got 4 beautiful kids, and I have never been unfaithful. I'm really only in it for the kids, and it hurts me not to be loved. I have never once thought of being unfaithful, until this happened. I am a semi-attractive guy and I have cute girls that flirt with me. I have thought about just saying 'to hell with it' and starting a new life, but I don't want to hurt the kids.
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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I guess you have to convenice her for counselling, otherwise at least go yourself to find some strength. You truly don't want to do anything drastic, jsut to get back at her, becuase it is not about her, it is about you, who you are, feel dignity in that. Don't know waht else to say.
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allenchaser24
recently joined
Reged: 10/21/09
Posts: 8
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I am going to go. You're right, it is about me and not her. My dignity and ability to forgive. I don't know how to act around her and it makes me incredibly sad. Things I used to enjoy don't mean as much without her. Thnx
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allenchaser24
recently joined
Reged: 10/21/09
Posts: 8
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My life may be at a cross-roads, but as of today, I will not be down any longer. I am on vacation this week, so I have had a lot of time to analyze myself. I have made sort of a pact with myself, and I already feel much better than I have in a long time for the opportunity to execute it. I'll share it with you and hope it helps any of you experiencing pain. You know, we have each other to lean on!
I am starting my new life today 10/22/09.
1. I will love myself
2. I will love others unconditionally regardless of how they may have hurt me.
3. I will be a good father to my kids.
4. I will always be true to any promises I make.
5. Before I say any comment in anger, I will ask myself "what would love say?"
6. I will do my best at work and home.
7. I will be true to myself about what makes me happy.
8. I will pray and leave my destiny in God's hands.
9. I will give selflessly.
10. I will be happy the rest of my life.
Be true,
AC2
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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And you will get all of them, believe me. I loved your list.
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allenchaser24
recently joined
Reged: 10/21/09
Posts: 8
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I have felt good (with a purpose now). Thanks for your support.
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VanajaGhose
newbie
Reged: 11/14/09
Posts: 40
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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I'm really sorry for what you are going through - it is a very painful experience. I loved the list you made - good job!
There are some things I want to say. Whatever you do, don't try to convince her to come back. Now is NOT the time to ask her to go for counselling. She is at a stage right now where you need to let go of her, very calmly (I know, I know - very difficult to do that). And that's because she needs the time by herself to figure out what's important. Any attempts to convince her otherwise will backfire, because it will get her back up, and make her do the exact opposite. So if there is any chance of her coming back - let her go for now. Yes, I know it will be like putting a mask on your face - but...
As for the cute girls who like you - not a good idea. You don't want to hurt them or yourself any more. Give yourself at least one year (that's my rule, one year after DIVORCE - too much drama going on before that) before you start dating again.
--------------------
Vanaja Ghose
Professional Life Coach
DivorcedToDazzling.com
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seriously
recently joined
Reged: 01/18/10
Posts: 10
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I mean, seriously? Why does it matter?
She's your ex.
Will she be any more (or less) your ex if you "know" the truth?
Can you even handle the "truth"?
Move on. Dot org.
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