Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online


Divorce Source Community Forums >> Child Custody and Visitation

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | >> (show all)
matthew80
recently joined


Reged: 10/27/09
Posts: 3
Ex Wife Refuses To Follow Parenting Plan
      #592605 - 10/27/09 10:13 PM

For the last three years since our divorce, my ex wife has refused to follow the parenting plan. I am the CP and every time visitation comes up, she makes up her own schedule (one totally contrary to the plan) and then rages if I refuse to accomidate her requests. The biggest issue with this though is that she routinely makes visitation plans than cancels last minute meaning I have to scramble to take off work or pay for and arrange child care for our son when she doesn't follow through. She owes thousands in back child support and will not even contribute to the child care costs that I pay with her last minute changes, cancelations, and requests. I have asked her dozens of times to follow the parenting plan yet she continues to ignore it and then accuses me of not allowing her her time when I can't accomidate her request. I contacted our court appointed mediator who advised me that following the parenting plan is exactly what I should do. What else can I do to enforce the plan? I am sick of her raging emails and calls and her bad mouthing me to our son when I don't give her what she wants. We both signed off on the plan and I have no issue giving her the time spelled out in the plan and have never refused her any of her visitation. I am at the end of my rope with this. Any advice would be really helpful. Thank you.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
CuriousGeorge
enthusiast
**

Reged: 01/15/09
Posts: 216
Re: Ex Wife Refuses To Follow Parenting Plan [Re: matthew80]
      #592618 - 10/27/09 10:45 PM

Document, Document, Document.

At least in Texas, failure to exercise your parenting time or jerking the CP around (like not showing up when expected), can be a basis for reducing parenting time. The fact she is behind on CS really hurts if she is making no effort to catch up.

Keep a journal and move communications to email. Get and keep receipts for the extra child care. Wait 3 to 6 months and file for a modification to the court order. Request that her parenting time be reduced, that she be required to catch up on CS in 6 months and that she be held responsible for all "extra" child care expenses when she fails to provide 48 hour advanced notice that she will miss her parenting time.

Your journal (of actual parenting time used), emails and receipts "may" provide a basis for modifying the court order. This may also take multiple trips to court over a two to three year period.

Keep in mind that she is not legally obligated to exercise her parenting time. The issue is that the child and you get jerked around. Not good for your kid - expectations high, disappointed, repeat. Your money should not be wasted, but available to support the kid.

Her behavior with regards to parenting time falls into a gray area that is difficult for a judge to enforce.

In the future - many persons on this board would appreciate if you referred to visitation as parenting time. I may be the NCP, but I refuse to be a visitor. My kids uncles get to visit, I spend my time parenting.

--------------------
---------------
You never know someone until you divorce them.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
*

Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 31112
You have NO idea... [Re: CuriousGeorge]
      #592622 - 10/27/09 10:55 PM

...what you are talking about. There is NOTHING in the Texas code that allows for reducing parenting time for a lack of exercising it. I KNOW this, I LIVED in Texas, AM the CP, and had an ex that saw the kids every few MONTHS. When I tried to have it reduced, NO GO< because there is no such law.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
losingfaith
addict
**

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 650
Re: You have NO idea... [Re: gr8Dad]
      #592623 - 10/27/09 11:21 PM

Ok I'm confused he didn't say anything about Texas in his post
well I don't know if what CuriousGeorge said was true but I do have a few questions
how much is she changing things if you are simply refering to the fact that she is a few mins late to pick up the child then (keep in mine that this is just my opinion) but if it's somethin like that then it's not worth getting yourself bent out of shape

--------------------
Standing above the crowd he had a voice that was strong and loud

Edited by losingfaith (10/27/09 11:37 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
matthew80
recently joined


Reged: 10/27/09
Posts: 3
Re: Ex Wife Refuses To Follow Parenting Plan [Re: CuriousGeorge]
      #592624 - 10/27/09 11:26 PM

I apologize for using the term "visitation" and I thank you for your reply. I am not interested in reducing her time with our son as I do think it is important to him. But I do need to be able to plan my life and his when he is in my care. I have never, at any time, changed plans at the last minute in regards to her parenting time with our son. Nor have I withheld her parenting time for any reason or threatened her with this. I simply want her to follow the plan and stop sending me emails telling me how horrible I am for insiting that she follow it. It gets taxing afterwhile and I DO NOT want her talking to our son about me in a negative way, making him feel like he has to "choose sides" or relaying her messages to me through him. I don't do this either and I don't think I should have to tolerate it. I am considering taking her to court to enforce the parenting plan but I am concerned that it will seem petty or do no good.

I don't live in TX so that would be moot either way.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
*

Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 31112
The poster I was responding to... [Re: losingfaith]
      #592626 - 10/27/09 11:35 PM

...CuriousGeorge, in the first line, stated, "At least in Texas, failure to exercise your parenting time or jerking the CP around (like not showing up when expected), can be a basis for reducing parenting time."

I was simply correcting him.

As for the OP, there is nothing you can do accept make the children available when the court order says so.

--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
losingfaith
addict
**

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 650
Re: The poster I was responding to... [Re: gr8Dad]
      #592627 - 10/27/09 11:39 PM

Oh sorry gr8dad I was responding to George not you
I'm on an iPod and it's easer to just hit the quick reply

--------------------
Standing above the crowd he had a voice that was strong and loud


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
matthew80
recently joined


Reged: 10/27/09
Posts: 3
Re: You have NO idea... [Re: losingfaith]
      #592629 - 10/27/09 11:44 PM

In regards to losingfaith, no it is not just a few minutes. I am not an unreasonable person. If it was a few minutes or if she called to say that she would be even an hour or so late because something came up that would be fine. Things happen. This more like her calling AFTER she was supposed to be there to pick him up for the weekend and saying she wasn't coming (as he was sitting on the couch, bags packed waiting for her). And that was when she lived a few hours away. Now that she lives a plane ride away it is less than 24 hours to tell me that she won't be flying him to see her for spring break or christmas. Or her insisting that she she get 6 straight weeks of summer instead of her 6 weeks total in two non consecutive week periods. In the summer situation I even tried to work with her to give her 2 three week periods but that wasn't good enough either. Compromise to her is her way or no way.

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
losingfaith
addict
**

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 650
Re: You have NO idea... [Re: matthew80]
      #592632 - 10/27/09 11:50 PM

Yeah that is rough
I really don't know if there is much that can be done
unless you pay for it but that would be asking a lot of you
I don't know I wish I had something to offer

--------------------
Standing above the crowd he had a voice that was strong and loud


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
CuriousGeorge
enthusiast
**

Reged: 01/15/09
Posts: 216
Re: Ex Wife Refuses To Follow Parenting Plan [Re: matthew80]
      #592637 - 10/28/09 01:20 AM

I suggest you follow the parenting plan as outlined in the CO closely. Allow some flexibility if there is an exceptional situation - i.e. birthday party for his maternal grandmother that occurs during your parenting time.

She needs to understand that consistency of schedule is important for kids, especially if they are young - less than 10. My judge is one of the most popular in the county and he certainly believes in schedule consistency.

You will not be able to enforce parenting time per the CO. For your ex, the plan is a right, not a requirement or violation of the CO if she does not exercise the time.

If you kid is acting out or caught in the middle and is 6 years or older, take them to a counselor. Everything the child tells the counselor, that is documented in her notes, is admissible in court. Your ex needs to be verbally reprimanded by a judge for her behavior and ordered to take a parenting class.

Good job taking the high road - not putting the kid in the middle of communications nor bad mouthing mom. Keep it up.

--------------------
---------------
You never know someone until you divorce them.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1 | 2 | >> (show all)



Extra information
0 registered and 36 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  dsAdmin 

Print Topic

Forum Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is disabled
      UBBCode is disabled

Rating:
Topic views: 7644

Rate this topic

Jump to

Contact Us Divorce Source Home

*
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: