almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
I guess the General forum is so overrun with trolls, nowhere to really post anymore. Since I haven't been in for over a month, figured I'd stop and leave a little update and say hi.
Refresher: www.divorcesource.com/ubbthreads/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=general&Number=584861&Searchpage=1&Main=581845&Words=+almostheaven&topic=&Search=true#Post584861
Update: Still seeing my counselor to try and deal with issues. Need to learn not to get angry or upset over what I can't control...like our 4 yo son saying he can't watch cartoons at daddy's house because I took their TV. :( I took one of our three TVs, my personal computer (he has his own), my own clothes, half of son's clothes and toys, NO furniture, NO dishes, regretfully no pictures off the walls, books, DVDs, etc....NADA. See...getting upset again. 4 yo said he can't do bubbles (breathing treatment) at daddy's cause I took everything. Grrrrrrr I'm not even attempting to say anything to daddy anymore because he twists it to his own ideas. I'm letting the lawyer handle it entirely now. Hopefully my lawyer will get him to give me my car keys and stop sending me bags of expired juice out of the fridge. Don't ask! Hopefully he'll get my lawyer's letter to get utilities OUT of my name before I shut them off. He's had two months. They get forwarded to me, show as being unpaid and late, and I have to then take them to him at exchanges. Meanwhile, I'm paying my own utilities and cable bill. He said he hasn't had "time" to go to the cable company and get it done. Grrrrrrr
Sent clothes for two weekends, weren't returned. Lawyer says not to send anymore. So I don't. Get nastygram from daddy that he guesses he'll have to go out and buy some. Well duhhhhh. He's outgrown anything I left or took with me and I've had to buy him a whole new wardrobe, of which the ones I sent never have come back. You've not sent a dime towards his care or sitter, so yeah...go buy some. Grrrrrrrr
Ok, I'm dealing with it. Getting it off my chest helps...temporarily, until the next bonehead move or remark. I just keep taking son to the counselor and letting him know he's loved and hasn't done anything wrong.
I do hate the fact that our son is so close with our neighbors and their granddaughter, and since my departure, he's only seen them once for a quick visit. I hope his dad will start letting him spend some more time with them while he's there. He's trying to play Disney dad and taking him to Camden Park and Billy Bob's for every visit, spending no time at home. This was part of the issue with son's behavior to start with and something the counselor brought up that daddy didn't want to hear. But spending two hours every Thursday night at Billy Bob's is not going to give him the results he wants from his son (in the words of the child psychologist). He told him to his face before the separation that being his friend and not his dad wouldn't give him the results he wanted. But he's still trying to be his friend, and of course discussing things with a 4 yo that should never be said to him.
On the bright side, his behavior has improved so tremendously that I'm getting ready to put him back into preschool, since he was getting kicked out of over behavior issues stemming from all this.
I've furnished my apartment and am searching for more permanent residency (since I just took over my daughter's remaining lease and I'm trying to figure out how to manage on 600 sq. ft.! Just plugging away house searching, refurnishing, new preschool searching and dropoffs/pickups every week. Just hoping daddy will get out of his depression before he damages his son, but at least son can have some balance in that he's not continually subjected to it. He'll have a chance to see how life can be happy and not always miserable. Now that daddy is distancing himself from neighbors and everyone though, I don't know how he can ever find any improvement. Hopefully the VA docs will see it and help him, but I'm not really sure he was actually going to those appointments that he said he was. I'm not sure of much of anything anymore.
He's just angry and slinging accusations, saying:
1. He should've called the cops cause I "robbed the place" when I took the one TV.
2. That I left him with bounced checks that 6 months of bank statements show never occurred until the day AFTER I left and HE overdrew the bank account by cleaning it out and not waiting for checks to clear (at least I have a copy of THAT withdrawal slip with his signature - even the bank don't know why he was allowed to overdraw it like that).
3. That I left him with unpaid bills, when the bank statement shows utilities and credit cards being paid the DAY I left, since I made sure to do it before unplugging my computer.
4. That I turned off "his" phone LOL, being that it was in MY name and he had the American Express reissued that it was automatically billed to and therefore it was shutoff because the bill couldn't be processed and the emails went to my old account.
5. That I cancelled "his" insurance claim on the robbery of our storage shed just before I left. I called in the claim. I wasn't home, he called in the robbery. He didn't get the name of the police dept. that responded, the name of the officer, nothing. Insurance couldn't process without it and he was too busy to obtain it. They were calling me after the separation and THEY closed the claim and said he could call back and restart it once he got the info they needed.
That's just the tip of it all, but maybe a good insight for those who are planning to go through it. The accusations are going to fly from either one or both parties. SOMEONE (if not both) is going to be hurt, offended, slighted, whatever. There may be a point in the process where the parties can finally work together. I just keep looking for that point and hoping. :(
For anyone that got this far and know me, hey, it's been fun ain't it? LOL For those that don't, be prepared.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
Dee78
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11820
Loc: TN
|
|
Hey Char, I had no idea you were going through all this. I hate to hear it, I just went through a divorce myself from my 4 year old boy's father but ours was very simple.
I hope things get better for you. Just one day at a time.
|
cheryllynn1
recently joined
Reged: 11/16/09
Posts: 17
|
|
Were we married to the same man??? I am new here and it is so reassuring that so many people are going through the same thing I am. It somehow makes it a little easier... Good luck...
|
BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
|
|
Char, I'm sorry for what you're dealing with! I had no idea.....
Please let me know if I can do anything for you --
|
rocketgirl
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
|
|
Hey Char.. sorry I missed the first post about this.. I'm really sorry things didn't work out for you.
Come and vent anytime girl.. we miss you!
--------------------
Lisa
Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
|
|
Not that you'd expect it all to go smoothly, but I'm sorry the stbx is making it all harder than it needs to be.
You're in my thoughts.....
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
Well...
You could go slap my STBX for me. Maybe it'll rattle his brain cells a bit and get him thinking. LOL My Committee Chair already offered to gather up a few of our guys and go out there and break some arms and legs for me. Hehe Thinking it makes a good outlet. Like counselor said, don't hurt to fantasize, its just what we do in the end. ;)
So what I did in the end? My lawyer said it won't hurt to send him a letter on issues. As long as I'm being reasonable, it won't come back at me. Now let's hope daddy's reasonable. I'm emailing him the following:
Jimmy,
The holidays are falling on Thursday/Friday of the weekends you are scheduled to have Mike. What was planned for Halloween was changed so late that Mike and I were unable, for the first time ever, to Trick or Treat together. I don’t believe its being fair to him or to either of us to have both Thanksgiving and Christmas thrown into turmoil like that. Therefore, I’m proposing two alternatives so that we do not disrupt both days of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday times.
As an alternative to exchanging Mike on the November 26 and December 24 Thursday evenings:
1. Mike can start his weekend early with you the following Fridays (November 27 and December 25) at 12:00 p.m. instead of the agreed upon 6:00 p.m. This would give you 4 additional hours on both of those weekends.
- OR -
2. You can spend 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. with Mike on the prior Tuesdays (November 24 and December 22) instead of those two Thursdays.
Please let me know which alternate you would prefer.
Also, I am again requesting that you please send both my car keys and gym clothes. I’m sure you understand that purchasing more gym clothing or a spare set of keys is money that could be better spent on Mike. And since I nearly locked my keys in the trunk the other day, Mike and I would’ve both been stranded. So I need a spare set soon before this might happen.
When you stated that you had not had time to visit Comcast to get the cable bill switched to your name, I contacted Comcast and was informed that we would need to complete a Change of Responsibility form in order to switch this over without needing to replace the DVR boxes or send a tech out to the house. They are going to try and fax me this form, but they may ultimately need to mail it. If they send it to you, please sign and have it notarized. I will also need to have it signed and notarized and then it needs returned to Comcast. We do not need to go in and you will not need to be home for the switch.
We also need to get the remaining utilities switched (Mountaineer Gas, Appalachian Power, Allied Waste and WV American Water). Some are joint and I believe my name could be removed easily. Those in only my name, you can call to have service transferred to your name, and I can call to have my service disconnected concurrently so that there is no interruption in service and no need to be at the house for anyone to come out. Please contact those companies (you have the bills with the contact numbers) and ask how to do this. Let me know when I need to set mine to disconnect. I’m going to allow a couple of weeks and then I will need to call and have them disconnected regardless. I noted that the Comcast bill was a month behind and this goes on my credit record.
I will provide you with another copy of this during pickup tonight to be sure that you receive it. I am also bringing along a set of pictures I had made of Mike the other day with the same Santa he’s been photographed with the last 4 years.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
|
|
I would be delighted to slap your ex for you Char.....I've got some hurt and anger that need an outlet.
I think your letter is VERY reasonable. You're being MUCH nicer than I would have been.
I think it's great that you offered to assist/cooperate in changing bills over to his name without a disruption in service. I wouldn't give it more than another thirty days or less though, because until they are OUT of your name, you are respoonsible for the bills and there are about a million ways to run the bills up to outrageous. It may be necessary, if he won't cooperate **and that's for HIS benefit** to turn off the utilities one by one until he gets the point. In the meantime, I'd call the cable company and have Pay Per View blocked so he can't run that up -- I'd also have blocked anything that adds extra money to your bill -- premium channels, etc. If you've already been gone for two months and he's not paying the bills or doing anything to get them changed over, you need to shut them down now -- but I know you know this.
Cell phone? Had this same issue with my STBX. I cut it off the night he left the house, as per the agreement that HE signed -- but I was being sneaky and doing it in the dark of night. Whatever, I'm NOT paying for any bill that he runs up, period. Neither should you.
I wish I was closer sweetie, you know I'd slap him around -- who'd expect that? **LOL**
I hope so much that this gets easier on you in the future.
Keep in touch though, you know where I am.
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
Yes, he's already had 2 months to switch them, but as he said, he doesn't "have time". And that letter was written prior to info I got yesterday. My credit score dropped. Why? Because he was late making the mortgage payment this month!!! The mortgage WAS directly taken out of our bank account and has NEVER been late. NOW it's late? That's going to bite him, along with a lot of other issues. Yes, Comcast was forwarded to me with all my mail and I hand delivered it to him, but I'd already opened it because I also have Comcast at my apt., so didn't realize this was the one for the house. That's when I saw it was $250 because he hadn't paid last month.
I have the money to cover the bills if he doesn't pay them, but I will snag it all back in our final settlement in the end, plus back pay for support, cause he hasn't bothered to offer one dime to help, and with the holidays, a hearing can't even occur til January. But it will all go back to filing date and he's gonna have to shell out a chunk all at once. He better get a new lawyer cause this one isn't giving him very good advice. As my lawyer said, he's never heard of her, so that means she's fairly new. My lawyer ISN'T. LOL He's an old high school friend and very popular in the area. Pretty pricey too though...even for an old friend. LOL
Anyway, so far I've been trying to keep it low so he'll see that I'm not out to hurt him and get him to be civil and help PARENT. But I'll only give him so much rope to hang himself with and then I'm going to take care of me and Mike. If that means leaving him coming home after work in November to no light and heat, then so be it. And if I find him saying anymore nonsense to our son, I WILL get my buddy to gather some guys and go do the leg breaking. Or maybe I'll just break them myself.
WV requires parenting classes for both parties. Those classes can't come soon enough. However, one thing I will agree on with the lawyer I fired...you can't make him LISTEN. He'll probably go, but since he knows everything, parenting classes won't teach him anything, they won't make him see reason.
Now...to beat it all...not ONLY did I find out about the late mortgage payment, but as if this isn't stressing enough, there was also an outstanding $101 bill from an area hospital from June 2008. I tracked it down. They billed insurance, then billed me the remainder...to my 1991 address!!! They took my last name NOW and somehow pulled up my records from my last name THEN and just billed the old address and not the one I gave them when I went in that night. Even the hospital billing supervisor has no idea why they did it that way. Didn't even bother to call BC/BS who had my correct address. Just billed a 17 yo address then turned it in to collections. I told the supervisor I'm ready to pay that bill now by phone IF I get in writing that it is being taken off my credit. She's contacting the collection agency supervisor and will call me back today. If I don't get that assurance, they can chase the bill til they're blue in the face. If it's already going to mar my credit why the hell should I pay it? An apparently, since they can't find my correct address, its not like they'll be bugging me for it. LOL
ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
--------------------
Char Fox
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
Hospital just accepted payment and I get a Universal Data Form to show that its been removed from my credit in about a week to 10 days.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
