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rbphoto
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Reged: 03/28/09
Posts: 4
Custody, visitation, and cell phones.
      #602659 - 11/22/09 10:12 PM

Two children, 7 and 10. One (10) has cell phone.
I am father. I have visitation. She (ex) bought cell phone for 10 year old. '

My question is - when either parent "shows up" to pick up a child, should not the communication be 'normal' as to "hey, I am here"? She (the POS ex wife) has always from DAY ONE resisted and refused to even get out and ring the doorbell (20 FEET from her car). In fact, I think the cell phone for our 10 year old is a direct result of not wanting to have to talk to me during such times such as pick up, etc.

I have told her she needs to communicate with the adults regarding pickup. Whether or not she is trying to tell us she is on time, or anything else, she should not be texting and or calling my daughter to tell anyone anything about her arrival. And she can use normal adult methods of communicating to us in the house that she is here. Doorbell, text ME, call ME.

She continues to insist on using the text or call daughter method, and I am damn tired of it.

I would imagine I have every RIGHT to control the damn cell phone, even IF she provided it for our daughter, when my daughter is here, like any other damn piece of electronic equipment. I have no intention of taking if from her (daughter) the whole time she is here, but I am considering taking it from her on Sunday night, or any night where a pickup is to happen, two hours prior to her (POS ex) arrival.

I can't imaging not having this "right" to control that, but I thought I would ask here first.


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youngatheart
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: rbphoto]
      #602660 - 11/22/09 10:18 PM

what's the big deal?

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Avaya
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: rbphoto]
      #602668 - 11/22/09 10:40 PM

Okay, potty mouth isn't necessary.

I'd take the phone from your daughter when she arrives in your home. Turn it off and put it in a secure place. As she walks out the door to mom's, you give it back to her. If mom picks her up, I'd let her sit alone in the driveway until she either calls YOU to tell you she's arrived, or until she gets out of the car and rings the bell.

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Avaya
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: rbphoto]
      #602669 - 11/22/09 10:42 PM

Why wouldn't you 'intend to take it from her the whole time she's with you'? A 10 year old has no business with a cell phone unless they ARE away from a parent, IMO. And probably not even then, really. If the other parent wants to talk with a CHILD then they should go through the other parent to do so. This is YOUR weekend and it should not be interferred with by mother except at your discretion, IMO.

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Eternity is too long to be wrong.


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youngatheart
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: Avaya]
      #602675 - 11/22/09 11:16 PM

[quote]Why wouldn't you 'intend to take it from her the whole time she's with you'? A 10 year old has no business with a cell phone unless they ARE away from a parent, IMO. And probably not even then, really. If the other parent wants to talk with a CHILD then they should go through the other parent to do so. This is YOUR weekend and it should not be interferred with by mother except at your discretion, IMO. [/quote]

Yes, that is all your opinion.


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Fishergirl
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: Avaya]
      #602677 - 11/22/09 11:18 PM

If you can see her when she pulls up or she honks- why are you insisting she then announce her arrival? Your really making a big deal out of nothing - from your post its obvious how your feel about her - If I were her I would not want to talk to you either. What your doing sounds like a huge control issue on your part. She isnt asking your daughter to break any of your house rules by sending a txt that she has arrived. If anything she is just trying to avoid a confrontation with you probably.

Look my ex bought all my kids cells phones when my daughter was ten. He will txt or call them to let them know he is close and to watch for him. Any majors issues I agree need to go through ex and I as the parents and can be done in an email. My daughter uses her phone to call her dad when she needs to talk to him - she does not have to ask our permission to call her own dad although we do have rules about no phone while she is getting ready for school or after 9 pm.

Good grief I have heard where some custody agreements make it clear that both parents are to stay in their car at a local gas station and not have any contact with each other whatsoever - and your mad that she wont ring the bell and make small talk with you?

Edited by Fishergirl (11/22/09 11:22 PM)


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1004SRS
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: rbphoto]
      #602688 - 11/23/09 02:34 AM

I expect the kids to be ready and waiting when I get to x's house. I won't go up to the door and ring the bell. I want to avoid confrontation that I know will happen.

I have the kids ready to go when he comes to my house.

I avoid small talk becaus he usually says nasty things to me.


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CuriousGeorge
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: rbphoto]
      #602736 - 11/23/09 08:10 AM

Control freak! Email and text messaging works fine for communications. Why are you so angry?

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AloneInTheDark
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: Avaya]
      #602748 - 11/23/09 08:38 AM

[quote]Why wouldn't you 'intend to take it from her the whole time she's with you'? A 10 year old has no business with a cell phone unless they ARE away from a parent, IMO. And probably not even then, really. If the other parent wants to talk with a CHILD then they should go through the other parent to do so. This is YOUR weekend and it should not be interferred with by mother except at your discretion, IMO. [/quote]

I dont see what the big deal with the daughter having the cell phone is personally. I got cell phones for my 6 and 12 year olds. My stbx disagreed with the 6 year old having one and I said that she has the ability to control him physically having it as a parent so as to keep it from being lost or stolen. She still wasnt happy with it.

Is it a control issue? I don't feel like one parent should "control" the other parents ability to talk to their own kids unless they are verbally abusive to them on the phone. If the woman who happens to be their mother talks bad about me, then I will be countering it anyway by being a good parent and taking care of my kids the right way. Actions speak louder then words. Even if they dont appreciate them at the time, they will when they get older.

Its quite funny that my stbx said I was controlling but she was the one who wants to control me still through the kids now that she left and can not control me through my caring for her and wanting to make her happy like she used to.

Do you want to "control" your ex through her ability to communicate through the kids?

I guess I dont understand that people make a big deal of a parent and their kids talking. Its not like both are not aware of what time their kids generally eat and go to bed so they know when they can call or not. If calls or text come in during dinner, just tell your daughter not to answer them. Your ex can leave a message or get a text reply after the meal is over.

If one parent is going to practice PAS, then they are going to do it when the other parent is not there in person normally a lot more then over the phone. The most damaging part of PAS is by one parent not being there when the kids need them anyway and the NCP is a man normally and has already lost that fight in the female biased family courts anyway.

Personnally, if my kids call me, I will answer them, even at work. THEY are whats important now, not controlling or being controlled by someone who wants to be single and 18 again (in my stbx's case) or whatever the cause of your divorce was. I look at it like this, if I ever get the chance to actually get visitation with my kids (make about 500 a month more to pay for a two day visit), then if they want to talk to their mother, I am not keeping them busy enough or they miss her, either way, lol. If they miss her, thats natural and they should call. If they are not kept busy enough, thats something I have to work on.

--------------------
AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.


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Miranda
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Re: Custody, visitation, and cell phones. [Re: Avaya]
      #602751 - 11/23/09 08:39 AM

[quote]Okay, potty mouth isn't necessary.

[/quote]

Your comment was not necessary either. People can speak the way they want to without policing from you.


I agree though, take the phone from the child when she arrives at your house. Does your ten year old know how to text? Wow! That is young.

Edited by Miranda (11/23/09 08:43 AM)


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