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katyy1971
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Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 5
How to move on when your still in love?
      #604276 - 11/27/09 08:50 AM

My husband left me for anouther woman right after my mother passed away, this was about 2 months ago.I begged him the try and work our problems out but he refused.Everyone tells me "he'll get his" or "its going to blow up in his face" the problem is EVERYTHING is working in his favor and I just can't believe it. I'm the one who lost most of my friends, have to spend holidays alone,and one one with money problems do to the seperation.

To make matters worse I'm partly to blame for his good fortune. I'm the one who left our condo and gave him everything. I'm the one who chose not to tell his boss(who thinks the world of me) my husband was cheating on me with a co-worker. My husband even told me if his boss found out he would be fired. I was the one who told his family not to get involved when they wanted to help me save my marrige. Why was I so nice to my husband after he did all this crap to me... guilt,shock who knows but now I feel like a real ass.

The day I moved out my husband told me how much he still loves me and wanted to stay close friends. Well 2 weeks later he deleted ALL my photos from his facebook/my space/home. He also told me we could not hang out with me ever even for his son's sake as he was in a relationship now(meaning the scank he cheated on me with).I felt like saying where were your morals when you were cheating on me with her. How can someone say they still care about you but then completely erase you from their life and want nothing to do with you?

I ran into him at the store this weekend and he looks great,lost a ton of wieght. His family tells me how madly in love he is with this woman and they plan on moving in together soon.

My question is can anyone anwser HOW I can move on when everything seems to be falling apart for me and going so wonderful for my soon to be ex


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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
Re: How to move on when your still in love? [Re: katyy1971]
      #604992 - 11/29/09 05:07 PM

He doesn't sound very lovable.

It's only been 2 months.....give yourself some time. He knew he was moving on long before you were aware of it, so he had a big head start.

Give yourself some time.


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fossilman
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Reged: 10/25/09
Posts: 27
Re: How to move on when your still in love? [Re: finz]
      #605459 - 11/30/09 06:08 PM

I'm about 4 months ahead of you. It get easier. Stop talking to his family, stop worrying about him and what he is doing. It's easier said then done, but believe me, it gets easier. He will get his, but be patient and strong when he begs to come back. Meantime, go see a therpist. You'll be amazed at how better it starts to make you feel.

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CindyLou
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Reged: 11/30/09
Posts: 1
Re: How to move on when your still in love? [Re: katyy1971]
      #605479 - 11/30/09 07:27 PM

Dear Katy,

My heart goes out to you and everyone else out there who is in a situation like this. I'm a 46 year old female, and my husband moved out of our home nearly 4 years ago (after I presented him with the evidence of the affair he kept denying he was in), and doesn't want to participate in the divorce, reconciliation, etc. So I get to initiate the divorce proceedings, take care of our home until the market improves enough for me to try and sell it, etc. Through these tasks that need to be done, I have found a new appreciation for myself - what I've done, what I can learn to do, etc. This is a great time to invest in yourself - to rediscover interests that may have been sitting on the back burner for a while. You're one of a kind and you deserve to do the best you can for yourself! It has taken a long time for me to realize that it was his choice to leave a wife who is loyal, honest, supportive, loving, giving, forgiving, etc. I don't know if I'll ever re-marry (I'd like to), but in the mean time, I choose to live a life where I will surround myself with self-love, friends, and activities that I enjoy.

You're in my prayers, dear one.

CindyLou


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CasperDghost
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Reged: 11/30/09
Posts: 16
Re: How to move on when your still in love? [Re: CindyLou]
      #605523 - 11/30/09 09:10 PM

Katy:

Join the gym, volunteer, bowl but do NOT just sit around thinking about it. Your mind will become your worst enemy if you allow it to. Keep active. I do not recommend something like jogging because you can do it while your mind continues to think about your situation. It is all consuming so do all you can to stay busy physically and mentally.... I do not recommend balancing your checkbook (I learned that the hard way).


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AloneInTheDark
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Reged: 08/04/09
Posts: 179
Re: How to move on when your still in love? [Re: CasperDghost]
      #606796 - 12/02/09 07:44 PM

Lol joining the gym cant take up all your time. I keep myself busy and then will lie in bed and wonder if there was something else I could have done or what I did in a former life to deserve this to happen to me and our kids.

I play everquest 2 to keep busy. Works for me like I said until I go to bed and the mind takes over. In the end we all to move on somehow, try different things until you find one that works for you.

--------------------
AloneInTheDark but life goes even without being a Dad any more.


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AppealToReason
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Reged: 12/04/09
Posts: 1
Re: How to move on when your still in love? [Re: AloneInTheDark]
      #607742 - 12/04/09 03:30 PM

Unfortunately, with any breakup or divorce, there is a process we all have to go through. It hurts, it isn't fun, it's painful, and it can't be escaped. You may find temporary methods to 'forget' about things, but it only delays the inevitable.

From personal experience, the only way to move on is to face the pain head on. You need help to doing this. First of all, a good friend who is willing to listen to you vent is important, someone to validate your feelings and help you understand that no you're not going crazy. Secondly, a counselor to help you walk through the pain and rebuild your sense of self. You've been traumatized, damaged by this. Think of it along the lines of someone in a horrific accident. They can't just heal on their own, they need medical care. Well, in this case, you've experienced a horrific 'emotional' accident and having a professional help you heal is the best way to go.

I wish you the best, I've been where you are and I know how excruciating the pain can be. It does get better, I can promise you that.


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