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Reged: 05/09/08
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My wife has had an affair!
      #400726 - 05/09/08 06:08 PM

I wanted to know if I was able to sue her "side lover" after or during the divorce process. I have two children ages 5 and 2. I will be paying child support for awhile. Maybe a civil suit because of damages to my health, (metally ands physically). I don't know if i can or not. I live in Mass. hopefully someone can help me out!

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old hand

Reged: 01/10/08
Posts: 868
Re: My wife has had an affair! [Re: lineman76]
      #400906 - 05/10/08 06:11 PM

Are you sure you don't want to sue him because now you will have to pay CS? You say in the post you will be paying CS for awhile.

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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Re: My wife has had an affair! [Re: lineman76]
      #401014 - 05/11/08 06:01 PM

It isn't a questions of can you sue him, of course you can. The real question is, can you win - most likely not.

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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 4022
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Re: My wife has had an affair! [Re: lineman76]
      #401041 - 05/11/08 07:08 PM

You're talking about an Alienation of Affection lawsuit, and only a few states allow those. Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah.

Unless you can find another reason to sue him that couldn't be tied to an AoA suit I don't think you're going to get very far.

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Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
Re: My wife has had an affair! [Re: Renee]
      #401486 - 05/12/08 10:36 PM

I'm going to guess that your ex is still with this man? Because otherwise (unless he was your ex-best friend), it makes no sense to sue him.

If you did sue him and win, which isn't likely, you might think that's really punishing your ex, but actually, it would probably be punishing your children in the end. Would you really want your children knowing you did that?

There are other ways to try to get out of paying CS. Just ask my ex. If it's about revenge, why not just cross your fingers and wait? Because most affairs like that don't last all that long after a divorce. Heck, most new marriages don't last that long, either.

Why not just wait it out, and then when they split, silently pump your fist in the air and say 'YEAH!'? Well, until she eventually hooks up with another guy you don't like.

Being the better parent is actually the best revenge. Because that will follow your children all their lives... after any obligation of CS from you is over with. Since, if you'd stayed together, I reckon you'd have contributed to their support until they were 18? That fact alone makes it seem that the only reasons for following this train of thought is revenge and a desire to punish. Which is rarely good for children.

Your best option is to let your ex hang herself. Most people who make bad choices, like affairs, eventually do. At which point, she very well might be kicking herself for having cheated on you.

If you don't want to pay SS, or think you shouldn't, that's one thing. But paying CS is not for your ex, it's for your kids. My parents always taught me that being the best person is the best revenge. Not at first, but certainly in the end. You might want to try that.



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