Frozenintime
recently joined
Reged: 01/02/10
Posts: 14
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In this forum that is going through or has been through a horrible affair? I am in need of someone to vent to or get advice from . My husband has moved out & is living w his mistress. She has tortured me for over a yr. I cant seem to get any strength to end this marriage and move on.. bc I LOVE HIM AND DONT WANT TO divorce him. He keeps telling me he loves me and hopes we can get back . that he doesnt want to stay w her , but my children ( dont live w me) are grown. They despise him for what he ( & she ) have put me through this last yr. And he wants ME to resolve these issues before he tries to come back. BUT his actions dont really comply w his words. The stupid part is Im just sitting here letting them make a fool of me. I dont know what is wrong with me ,,why do I even care about him anymore?
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sadad
member
Reged: 01/01/10
Posts: 103
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addiction!!! Find a local group and pick yourself up and move on!!
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It takes a "special" person to cheat.
Once a cheater always a cheater!
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pokey
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 07/16/09
Posts: 1786
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And he wants ME to resolve these issues before he tries to come back
These are his issues not yours. Why should you take the blame or try to clean up after him. He's a grown man for Gods sake. HE'S the one who is going to have to make it right with the kids. And you wont be able to move pass this until HE takes responablity for HIS actions. HE cheated, HE tore the family apart, now HE has to be the one to fix it. If he can. It's going to take a lot of work on HIS part and if HE'S not willing to do that then boo hoo for him.
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I have to go to work. Too many people on welfare depend on me.
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sadad
member
Reged: 01/01/10
Posts: 103
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well said pokey!
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It takes a "special" person to cheat.
Once a cheater always a cheater!
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CarlaMFrancis
recently joined
Reged: 01/05/10
Posts: 2
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You are not the only one. My husband met someone in a chat room and he left me for her without warning. He came back after a few weeks but I have no idea about what he did in that time, and I can't even discuss it with him. We are now living separate lives in the same house, being civil but not close at all. I feel betrayed and humiliated and am getting ready to leave the marriage because he has hurt me too much to trust him any more. It will take time to recover from the shock of it all but I will.
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[url][censored]://saveyourmarriage.co.uk/wp/recovering-from-an-affair/[/url]
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sadad
member
Reged: 01/01/10
Posts: 103
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ok, maybe I do not understand.... I see people whos spouse has an affair and they take them back... Ok, thats fine. Its a marraige and noone is perfect. Give them a second chance. Find out why. Keep the family together!
BUT...you can't even discuss it with him??
What do you think its going to be like a year, two years, 20 years from now??? The same as it is now!!
Do you think that you are gonna wake up one day and suddenly forget about it?????
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It takes a "special" person to cheat.
Once a cheater always a cheater!
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Ha, I lived with my ex for 12 years, we slept in seperate bedrooms, used seperate bathrooms, kept a calendar for the kids activities, etc...
Married people can live together as roomates, it works and you get to see your kids.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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seriously
recently joined
Reged: 01/18/10
Posts: 10
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Seriously? Move along smartly, or acknowledge that you are accepting a less-than-romance-movie-worthy relationship and stop griping. I don't understand the issue. He wants to be with someone else and you don't want him to want to be with someone else. Ohhh...kayyyy.
How do you want to deal with that?
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warrenwhite
newbie
Reged: 01/21/10
Posts: 29
Loc: michigan
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It's easy for anybody to say just move on, but it's not always that simple. If I were a outsider looking in on my situation, I would call them a fool. Time heals all wombs. I never thought I would be in these shoes, if I did see it coming I chose to ignore it. Yeah, that's what I get right? Maybe so. Love is a hard emotion to ignore. Sometimes we cannot explain to ourselves or anyone why we love a indiviual, it just happens. It might be the way they smile, or the way they call your name, it could be a combination of things. But bottom line we love and sometimes love hurts. It's funny how we know in our heads that we need to let go, but the heart wont.Sometimes I feel like it's a war between my head and my heart, and may the best one win. But in reality we all know that what we feel in our heart is not always good for the peace of mind. Nobody want's to be lonely or alone. Although I have minor children, I'm not alone, but when they are sleep or at school, I am alone. Alone to try to figure out what to do next, how to make it through the day with sanity, and respect for oneself. I would hope that our X' thought the same way, but who knows but themselves, and if they did feel the way we do, would they tell us? Maybe they will when they finally figure out the love they lost, was the best love.
The hardest thing for me right now, is to not call my X and beg him to comeback, after I cuss his a$$ out, for putting me through this pain, that I never, ever felt before. You know the pain of not wanting to talk to anybody, don't want to get out of the bed, when you keep the blinds closed, because you don't want to see the sunshine. When you do open the blinds it's because it's raining outside. When the phone rings, you just look at it. When somebody tells you to cheer up you want to say f@ck you!!!!When your friends say, you are better off, you want to punch them in the face.It's forums like this you can vent your anger, because nobody knows who you are, BUT many can sympathize. It really felt good to bang on my keyboard, I feel a little bit better, knowing I'm not the only one thats going through torture and pain, memories going around and around in my head, whether the memories were good or bad, happy or sad.I will be happy on the day I can come to this forum and read what I wrote, and laugh my a$$ off, for feeling the way that I do. If it doesn't break me, it will only make me stronger and wiser.
Pamela
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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When you make commitment for life, forever, is it until you find somebody else, and other person who was commited to turn off the switch of love and care for you???
Right it doesn't work that way, that love turns in to anger, disbeleive, and want to fix it, even though you have hard time forgiving your spouse, but your inner brain tells you, want a resolution and you want your life back the way it was before.
Offcourse that is fantacy, right, once one person falls out of commitment, there is a truly very small chance that person will come back, and it does take time to come to that realization, and not feel hurt and pain.
Yes there will be day, even when you dream about him/her , whether good or bad, and you will wake up not feeling hurt, not sick to your tummy, not feeling pain. That day will come.
You are not missing the person that person turn out to be, you are missing your dream, you had with this person when you married to this person, and there is nothing wrong about missing your dream.... Even though other person has started another dream with somebody else...
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