abcdefg123
recently joined
Reged: 01/18/10
Posts: 3
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New to site; 2 months separated from brief 3 year marriage, kids grown, thought I met the man of my dreams who turned out to be a shyster. The most charming, intelligent, handsome man who I cannot for the life of me understand why I still love him and have hopes of his changing his controlling, domineering, verbal/emotionally abusive ways.
Long, emotional story. He left our bed after two years of marriage, as I was leaving the home to spend time with supportive friends in an effort to get away from his bullying and name calling, to anyone and everyone who supported me emotionally. I'm a strong willed, smart, attractive (I'm told) woman who has always had an independent streak, which he fell in love with, and vice versa. I never believed the stories about men or women who change so drastically after 'snagging the catch', marrying, and turning into controlling, abusive monsters. I still love him. I've had to move home to live with my parents, who are very set in their ways and ornery to be around, to be quite honest. I'm hoping to reenter my grueling nursing class schedule/clinicals back in my old town, but terrified of facing it alone, along with the financial aspects. My self confidence is at an all time low, but I continue to see my therapist, and he has refused all along. Everything is my fault in his eyes, and I had such high hopes for our life together!! I began a support group; made it halfway through the first meeting, and left in tears. i just can't seem to pull it together, and my folks get angry when I have the occasional cry, which I do locked in my bedroom. I'm feeling hopeless, sad, angry, and out of control emotionally. It would be nice to just have someone to chat with for emotional support. I know the separation/divorce is the only option here, but I hurt so bad every day. It's almost disabling. I am in my 40's...a grown woman who'se heart is aching so badly.
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abcdefg123
recently joined
Reged: 01/18/10
Posts: 3
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**Note: I know my emotional response to my situation is normal and I've done the right thing in the way of leaving him. How do I lose the love for him? How do I give up emotionally, and let go so that I can move on? I've met 2 wonderful men that I've spent time with lately, and see that there are good guys out there. I am struggling with letting go of my marriage. I believe deep down I am hoping he will 'come to his senses' and seek counseling; at least admit to his part in the breakdown of this marriage. 
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Sharonlynn
recently joined
Reged: 12/31/09
Posts: 18
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I am confused. You say you know you know the only option is separation/divorce and then you say you hope he will come to his senses and either seek counseling or admit to the breakdown of the marriage. Hmmm. You can hope for these things, but leave them to fantasy with the realization that he will do neither.
The only thing you can do, and it hurts, is to move on. There are good guys out there. If you look back at your relationship with your husband, there were probably signs about his personality that were controlling and abusive.... signs that you did not want to see because you loved him.
You can't make your husband want to make the marriage. He has to want it.
Sharonlynn
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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abcdefg123, Do you think you need something else to do to keep your mind off this pain? You mentioned starting nursing classes again. I believe keeping to a grueling schedule will help you get through the days better. If you are able to get back into this, I suggest you try it.
Two months into a separation is not very long. It's natural to be in such a bad state now. When I was at that stage, I found that reading books helped me. I'd read one after another. Getting back to work helped me forget the hurt for the time I was working.
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Frozenintime
recently joined
Reged: 01/02/10
Posts: 14
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I am 6 months into my separation and my husband is living with his mistress, I am a mess and I am 50, but I was in a worse shape 3 months ago for sure. Im starting to let go of the idea that he will ever be with me again, even though he tells me he loves me and wants us to get back together, He does not want a divorce.. He had his things in thecar a week ago and wanted to move back in and I wouldnt let him, said she had to be out of the picture entirely. That he would have to handle that first. (weve gone back and forth and I cant talk his phone ringing knowing its her and thinking hes emailing her when he is own his computer.) its miserable. so I rejected him,, hardest thing Ive ever done, as I love him still, and I amvery lonely. But I cant find it in me to allow myself to meet anothr man while I am married either,, I dont think it is right,, and 2 wrongs wont make one.. so what now.. just stuck here?? any advice
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issabella
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Reged: 04/20/10
Posts: 9
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A divorce generally brings along a lot of side effects and problems for the divorcee. You can definitely make your life meaningful after a hasty divorce. You can give yourself some space and time to adjust to the new life and environment. Do your hobbies. Make a big plan for your future. All sorts of relationships have their good and bad sides. When you’re single you might yearn for the stability of marriage; when you’re married you may envy the freedom of your single friends.
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