Forsaken
recently joined
Reged: 04/05/10
Posts: 2
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I slept with my soon to be ex husband…and now I’m confused
He’s been gone since July of 09.
We had a huge fight and I kicked him out of the house, told him I never wanted to see him again and I’d rather die than be with him.
It was harsh, I know, but I’ve made my peace with it.
He left and was gone for 2 months. Never so much as even called.
Then in late August, he just showed back up on my doorstep.
He stayed until October and then went back to his native country for a job that he had lined up.
We spoke every single day and I went down to visit for Christmas.
That’s when we had issues again.
Long story short, I came back and didn’t talk to him again until March.
He comes back now in April and we went and filed for divorce.
Now he says that he really didn’t want to do it and that he was only trying to make me happy and thought that this was what I wanted.
I do want this…plus he was the one who would call and ask me what to do about the divorce… don’t know if he was truly wanting to know, or just trying to feel the situation out before he came.
To make matters worse I slept with him, I don’t know why….I wish I hadn’t.
Now he wants to think about if we really will be divorced. Says he leaving it totally up to me to stop the proceedings because it will let him know that I still love him like he does me and we will be okay.
Not to confuse that with he doesn't care either way, because he doesn't want to be divorced he just wants it to be my decision to stay or not.
He says he’ll move back to the US, as soon as I give him my answer.
I figure that he was gone so long that if he loved me, why didn’t he come back sooner? Or why didn’t he say something before we filed for divorce to begin with.
I’m confused and just want someone to tell me if I should just leave well enough alone or if I should stop the proceedings?
I hadn’t thought about him..you know out of sight out of mind.
But now that he was back I feel confused.
I must be crazy…it’s like I’m inviting utter chaos back into my life.
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N_Davies
recently joined
Reged: 04/01/10
Posts: 15
Loc: Chambersburg, PA
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I don't think it's suprising that you are confused.
You have this guy, that you loved (and probably still do), turning back up after months of absence saying lets make it work. What would you advise your mother, sister, best friend if she were in your shoes?
However, it is your heart you must follow. If he says, "I'll move back to US only if you agree to stay with me." it sounds to me like he's asking you to start accepting conditions on his love.
If you are considering that, I would suggest you say, "Ok, for now, I'll put the divorce on hold, however, you need to get your ass back here, permanently, and we'll start working on our relationship."
If he won't return until you 100% commit to not divorcing, I'd tell him to pound sand.
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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I am in same boat, my stbx has asked me to forgive him and asking for a second chance, we had zero talk since we have gone to separate paths.... I guess separation and zero talk may give a perception about what a person to you. But I am so unsure, what will happen once he is relaxed that he got me back. Yes he is promising a lot right now, and I told him, don't promise something you can't keep... But time will tell. No I am not moving in with him, I want to maintain or separate residence...
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created4success
recently joined
Reged: 04/08/10
Posts: 6
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Distance and sex can often bring confusion in a relationship.
Instead of pointing fingers or trying to base your actions on what he wants, I would ask myself, what do I want?
Since it sounds like you care for each other, I would encourage you to try to work things out, as it seems that you've got something worth fighting for.
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myheart
enthusiast
Reged: 05/21/09
Posts: 213
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Yes we enjoyed each other's company alwasy, when we were together, but all the issues around blending broke our soul, many times we talked about living separately and maintain our marriage on weekend basis, since conflict got pretty ot of hand, but I wasn't ready for it and things really went down the hill, it happens, so yes I have soft corner for him, but don't want to get hurt again......
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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The time to let go is when you sign a complaint for divorce.
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