livestrong
recently joined
Reged: 06/08/10
Posts: 13
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The mediator that I'm looking at using is $300/hr. While still cheaper than using two separate lawyers, still expensive when considering two hour blocks for each mediation session.
What is you advice to trying to work out as much as possible before paying for mediation. My STBX is being somewhat cooperative and doesn't want this to be a legal battle.
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Contour
newbie
Reged: 06/26/10
Posts: 41
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There is no law saying that divorce has to be a legal upheaval. In some states, you may not even have to go before a judge, we never had to. Of course we had no disagreements, and nothing worth fighting over.
Ok, you and your STBX know what you have for assets and bills etc...
Ok onto the point -
Just sit down, figure out assets and bills, and how you two will split it. If you have no assets, it will be easy. Just decide who gets what junk in the place you live and who will pay what bills. If you are willing to take a small hit, it will still probably be cheaper and easier then paying some mediator $300 to decide who gets the old TV, the stained furniture, the worn-out cookware, virus-ridden computer, etc... I mean is junk *really* worth fighting for?
If you do have assets such as a house or expensive cars, then just whoever gets them is the one to pay for them. Or you could sell and split the profits.
If it does come to where one or the other has to pay off the other party for whatever asset split, the divorce decree you fill out should reflect exactly the terms. "Husband will pay wife "$ xxx.xx for settled equity on house..."
On a personal note - If a couple is talking mediators, then save your money. All the mediator is going to do is take money for something you two could do yourselves at the kitchen table. I am guessing you two don't hate each other, but just don't want to be married and want your freedom back. You two might be like us - My ex and I have no hard feelings, in fact, I did what I could to help her out so she could get a new start in her home state. We are still good friends.
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gmw693
recently joined
Reged: 09/28/10
Posts: 1
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I realize it can be peaceful. I wish I could bank on my stbx to stay that way. She can turn on the B-switch at any given moment, thus we want to work out this ourselves as well. Bills are being split down the niddle, and says she doesnt want any of my 401K, which in ct. shes entitled to some of it as she works at the post office I do and makes about 400 less a month than me,she doesnt want child support dont quite understand,our daughter is 17, she will be 18 next may. But she does want 100 a month in alimony,but never said for how long, I also split copays and medicines for our daughter, she has multi medical and mentally related issues. She also wants to make her 50% of my beneficiary(have 4 other children from previous marriage, all of which are grown) cause she never liked them. And give my 1967 chevelle to my daughter as well. Our daughter is my first and foremost concern, as she has had me in her daily life all these years and now I'm getting a relationship back with my other chldren and grandchildren I hardly know or some met.Now, I was intending on giving her my chevelle anyways. I figure if I paid weekly child support it would roughly be 6-8 thousand. I am not taking any furniture etc, etc, etc, I know as my family has told me, I can fight for some of that. I dont like to fight, thats how I got to where I am by not standing up and demanding things. I know she(my wife) owns half of the house we, now her and our daughter live in, next door to her mother, who owns the other half of our house as my fatherinlaw left his half to my wife, I know in ct. inheritance isnt considered marital property, unless some special circumstances are there.When we do sit down and discuss the particulars, I want to limit the time on the alimony to about 3-5 years, without the ability to modify written in the divorce agreement. I give money to my wife and daughter for things to buy or clothes etc etc, our daughter doesnt like to wear girly things, shes a tom boyish(shorts and sweats, and nothing pricey or anything) but I do get her tickets (500) for a couple wrestling events she likes to watch that stuff, baseball games etc. so money for her isnt an issue . Now my wife will more than likely inherit the rest of our house we live in, plus a good sum( probably a few hundred thousand) plus 1/4 of the house that my inlaw lives in now(mortgage free and only a very small if any on the one we live in. I know she knows this as she has said she is the only one who takes care of their mother and she comes over everyday to eat, and does pay for some things for her doing that including not charginbg for rent, for a long time. Me, i'm livin in my nothers one bedroom apt on a pull out couch a block away, with nothing but the clothes on my back, and some tools, and my jeep. I dont need alot, my mom is almost 80 and gettin to be a bit frail. My sis rents the upstairs with her boyfriend, and its a block away from where I was, so my daughter can come up or call anytime, wich is good. I want to get this over with as I am worn out mentally from all this. I dont want to get into the details of the breakdown, but I screwed up and she wasnt the best either. Some advise from someone other than the 400 an hour lawyer(not that they dont deserve it, cause its hard)but I cant afford it right now, would beappreciated
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