gradstudent25
recently joined
Reged: 06/14/10
Posts: 2
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I kicked my husband out the day I graduated college in May. He had been physically abusive 3x and intimidating/coercive more times then that. The reason I put up with it is because he deployed to Iraq 2x and I thought he would get better but he refused to seek help or admit there was a problem. Because I know that was the root of it I kept it out of the legal system and resorted to telling his command a few times but nothing came of it. I left to go to graduate school and I hadn't heard from him till tonight. He told me he "wants to die" right now. I know this is just his way of trying to get me back since I can't file for divorce till we are separated for 6 months. I am trying to be strong but I can't just not care when someone says that. I just feel awful. Anyone been through this that might be able to help me out? When I hear from him it is like all of the times he scared me and hurt me just come rushing back. Like I get flashbacks. I am OK when I don't hear from him though. How am I supposed to move on with my life when he is trying to mess with my head? :(
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gradstudent25
recently joined
Reged: 06/14/10
Posts: 2
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FYI when he said this I told him I just couldn't do this right now and that I had plans. I had plans anyway so I went out with a girl friend.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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Why didn't upi lick him out before the end of grad $chool?
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amazing
member
Reged: 09/18/09
Posts: 166
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Leave him behind. He isn't worth the hassle. If you stay he will hurt you more. Ive been through it.
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maurie2010
recently joined
Reged: 07/11/10
Posts: 6
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You poor thing! Yes I have been there, and here is the answer, you are stuck in the abuse cycle right now. Look it up on the net...he is using whatever is in his power to keep you in a position of being abused. (Right now it is emotional, because that is all he has to work with.) You must break the cycle by not falling for the crap. DO NOT GO BACK. This situation is not going to change, no matter how much he says it will. If you are really worried about him doing harm to himself (like if he has told you he is going to end it all, or anything) call the police in his area and tell them you are worried that he is suicidal. They will check on him. If he is on a base, you will probably need to get in touch with someone there...a chaplain maybe? Anyways, abusers do not stop abusing, especially if they refuse to admit they are abusing and therefore will not go to therapy. Good luck and God Bless.
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palmel1234
journeyman
Reged: 03/05/10
Posts: 93
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Just keep reminding yourself of all the bad times.
I've been there too, and didn't report the abuse either because I wanted to help him. That came back to bite me in the ass because later on I had no proof of abuse. My ex never did change.
As for you, you KNOW he is playing games with you, so don't fall for it. Tell him if he needs to talk to you to contact a family member or friend that is willing to be a go between for you. The longer you go without talking to him the stronger you will get. Don't fall for his "I want to die" BS. You are not responsible for his actions.
Hang in there!
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